Hey guys- thank you for the feedback. Mayest was a reference to East of Eden- may be tough to find another word, but if you have suggestions- that would be awesome.
I will try to show up with more frequency, I think the last time I popped in to give others feedback was a couple years ago.
Search found 5 matches
- 05 Sep 2019, 18:44
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Find's His Pride
- Replies: 3
- Views: 7345
- 04 Sep 2019, 08:04
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Find's His Pride
- Replies: 3
- Views: 7345
Find's His Pride
(note: this poem is a reaction to the S13 season finale of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) Find's His Pride A demon glances upwards, hesitant the angel falls, liquid walls, the dance mauls my eyes gaze. Breathe. Breathe. . . . . It's okay. It's okay. It's. . . Meandering babble, sitting water, lo...
- 01 Aug 2018, 09:52
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Truly Me
- Replies: 10
- Views: 18549
Re: Truly Me
I think you can start this poem here: "I run to the porch" -the preceding stanzas feel like warm up to the rest of it. They also haven't yet captured the snappy cadence of the following stanzas- and that cadence supports the content of the poem. In the poem you have a non patterned tonal internal rh...
- 01 Aug 2018, 09:33
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Drones
- Replies: 9
- Views: 14926
Re: Drones
Getting hung up on this part: "One, taking my slowness for insolence, bumps against my hind leg, spilling my pollen." I am getting caught up in who spills the pollen. I feel that the narrator spills the pollen, though "one" is the cause of it. I think I am annoyed by this, because otherwise I enjoy ...
- 01 Aug 2018, 09:24
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Sleeping on a Window Ledge - Safe Side of the Parapet
- Replies: 11
- Views: 16847
Re: Sleeping on a Window Ledge - Safe Side of the Parapet
my two cents: Twilight is the song Amy sang and we were heads huddled together. Is your opening line. Sets the tone (no pun intended) for the rest of the poem. Also- not sure if, "And at last, Sister Michael knew what ‘pot’ was." is where you want to end- I feel like it takes away from the rest of t...