Search found 5 matches

by Cormack
05 Sep 2019, 18:44
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Find's His Pride
Replies: 3
Views: 7308

Re: Find's His Pride

Hey guys- thank you for the feedback. Mayest was a reference to East of Eden- may be tough to find another word, but if you have suggestions- that would be awesome.

I will try to show up with more frequency, I think the last time I popped in to give others feedback was a couple years ago.
by Cormack
04 Sep 2019, 08:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Find's His Pride
Replies: 3
Views: 7308

Find's His Pride

(note: this poem is a reaction to the S13 season finale of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) Find's His Pride A demon glances upwards, hesitant the angel falls, liquid walls, the dance mauls my eyes gaze. Breathe. Breathe. . . . . It's okay. It's okay. It's. . . Meandering babble, sitting water, lo...
by Cormack
01 Aug 2018, 09:52
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Truly Me
Replies: 10
Views: 18419

Re: Truly Me

I think you can start this poem here: "I run to the porch" -the preceding stanzas feel like warm up to the rest of it. They also haven't yet captured the snappy cadence of the following stanzas- and that cadence supports the content of the poem. In the poem you have a non patterned tonal internal rh...
by Cormack
01 Aug 2018, 09:33
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Drones
Replies: 9
Views: 14848

Re: Drones

Getting hung up on this part: "One, taking my slowness for insolence, bumps against my hind leg, spilling my pollen." I am getting caught up in who spills the pollen. I feel that the narrator spills the pollen, though "one" is the cause of it. I think I am annoyed by this, because otherwise I enjoy ...
by Cormack
01 Aug 2018, 09:24
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sleeping on a Window Ledge - Safe Side of the Parapet
Replies: 11
Views: 16769

Re: Sleeping on a Window Ledge - Safe Side of the Parapet

my two cents: Twilight is the song Amy sang and we were heads huddled together. Is your opening line. Sets the tone (no pun intended) for the rest of the poem. Also- not sure if, "And at last, Sister Michael knew what ‘pot’ was." is where you want to end- I feel like it takes away from the rest of t...