New York Pitch Conferences and Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, Poetry and Authors

Thank you Michael

There is the danger of being too "preachy" in s poem like this. I think the first stanza could be left out.. The last 2 lines are masterful. If there was a way to cut say, " to keep us moving forward" after carrot and stick, and similarity throughout so what precedes the last two lines sets them up ...

This is a poetry workshop, a forum where we help each other improve our craft. It isn't a forum on faith, personal religious beliefs or non-beliefs. Tolerance of others' beliefs(or non-beliefs) is a low threshold we should all be able to meet. A reasonable person would know this without having to be...

Judy. Just to say, 99.9% of the poets here are not offended by poems like this. We don't see a spiritual battle, or feel a compulsion to correct the beliefs of another. We don't abuse the forum.

That being said, I'll be back later to comment on the work itself

No such thing as too long. However some judicious stanza breaks might benefit the poem. I think it a good poem. Engaging, easily relatable

Agreed

I love my brother.

I get that it's a dreamscape and thus the feelings are not necessarily rooted in some event. I've had those kind of nightmares and they feel horrible.

Kenneth. I believe with all my heart
Donald Trump is a Christian.

You're shitting me. The man
is a serial adulterer.

God is a forgiving God
His hand is on Trump.

Well if there is a place for him
in Heaven, I don't want to go.

Be careful what you ask for !

Oh go fuck yourself.

Yeah this is clever. And like the use of music to heighten tension, the narrator doesn't give any details about her life. This is highly imaginative. Good job.

Thanks Meenas, Michael

Just make sure it's on this page the way you want it so Michael can forward

You did it right.

Eira, hope you're welll

Judy. You got 3 votes. IBPC

Bob nominated you

Billy said he is waiting for final nod at another forum.

Bob has 2 votes
Judy has 2 votes
Siva has,said she would accept

Sure hoping others will weigh in.

Congrats Bob. A masterful poem

Poem of the Year: May 2018-Apr 2019 Judged by Lenny DellaRocca 1ST PLACE Poetry in the Cultural Revolution by Bob Bradshaw The Waters December 2018 Soldiers stormed in, ripping doors and cabinets open like wounds. I clung to mother’s leg as they pried up planks for signs of treachery: books. Hadn’t ...

Thanks

Who is leaving is irrelevant because the poem is about how N feels

Good premise. I'd put a stanza break after how.
I think the opening is a tad cumbersome with "flightless bird wanting to fly." I have no idea to improve it though. It might just be necessary.

Heart closed against the weather brewing in your eyes is a magnificent line.

Thanks Bob I'm sitting out, would love to see others nominated.

Thank you meenas