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by SivaRamanathan
28 Mar 2020, 14:32
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Paperfall (Reworked)
Replies: 4
Views: 41

Re: Paperfall (Reworked)

Your editing helps, to start with. Did you click on the link and see? am thinking of taking away the personal and treating it like an Ekpharistic piece.

S
by SivaRamanathan
27 Mar 2020, 22:07
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Paperfall (Reworked)
Replies: 4
Views: 41

Re: Paperfall (Reworked)

I am going to change this also.The shift in the focus,is not what I want.
by SivaRamanathan
27 Mar 2020, 22:05
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Paperfall (Reworked)
Replies: 4
Views: 41

Paperfall (Reworked)

1 The speed of the falling paper cascades in an arc. The Japanese girl shredding A4 paper is speechless. Her performance of white cataract matching her fluffy gown. 11 Lady! Looking so intense steadfast with scissors amplified sound that paperflows and pyramids as a cone, on the ground, a thin trick...
by SivaRamanathan
27 Mar 2020, 13:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Alfred Sisley
Replies: 5
Views: 64

Re: Alfred Sisley

Bob
'thx for your help'
This is partaking.Not ' help' With my little understanding, and my Google Guru,I am able to get to appreciate your poem.Some poems however,I am at a loss.

Siva
by SivaRamanathan
27 Mar 2020, 09:45
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Alfred Sisley
Replies: 5
Views: 64

Re: Alfred Sisley

Thanks for this funda.
Please read my reworked version of Paperfall.
by SivaRamanathan
26 Mar 2020, 20:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Alfred Sisley
Replies: 5
Views: 64

Re: Alfred Sisley

It definely needs one more triolet on a positive note that will bring out the passion of Alfred Sisely. And the last couplet also need one more line, a 'volte (something)
by SivaRamanathan
19 Mar 2020, 14:09
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Lois Lane In Love
Replies: 6
Views: 1273

Re: Lois Lane In Love

I smiled. There are nice and stunningly new word combinations in this poem. One moment caught .

S
by SivaRamanathan
18 Mar 2020, 09:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Lois Lane In Love
Replies: 6
Views: 1273

Re: Lois Lane In Love

Had to google Lois Lane,but still cannot relate to the nuances.
by SivaRamanathan
16 Mar 2020, 20:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.
Replies: 7
Views: 728

Re: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.

Bob.
I finished with the searching of the palm leaf oracle.
The last lines are prosaic,but I have never been able to write sheer poetry.
Thank you
Siva
by SivaRamanathan
15 Mar 2020, 20:19
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.
Replies: 7
Views: 728

Re: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.

Bob

Shall I end it with the 'unexpectedness?'

Siva
by SivaRamanathan
15 Mar 2020, 20:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.
Replies: 7
Views: 728

Re: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.

Bob

I was writing for that Eclectica four words prompt.Let me see if I can round it off.

S
by SivaRamanathan
14 Mar 2020, 22:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.
Replies: 7
Views: 728

Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.

V2 "Biking Cross-Country" We rode past a rubber plantation where we couldn't breathe without inhaling the stench --worse than burning tyres emitting smoke pipes. My brother said, be sure you know what it is. ''This light that comes past the rubber trees is fire.'' And so I recalled the many names of...
by SivaRamanathan
05 Mar 2020, 06:13
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:
Replies: 9
Views: 1499

Re: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:

Thanks to Michael, Bob and Eira

I was worried that I had done something grieviously wrong. Now I am glad to see 'Laika' marching forward.

Siva
by SivaRamanathan
04 Mar 2020, 22:12
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Athenaeum
Replies: 1
Views: 968

The Athenaeum

V2 Outside the library of Alexandria gaping with a not- so-open mouth more wonderful than the pyramids, more shapely than the sphinx magnificent knowledge bank a dream in concrete, an architect's poetry. Zaharaa says ,''look, this great marvel will take us one half day just to go around the circumfe...
by SivaRamanathan
04 Mar 2020, 21:45
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:
Replies: 9
Views: 1499

Re: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:

Eira

I withdraw Paperfall,this month as I am already representing another board.

Thank you
Siva Ramanathan
by SivaRamanathan
04 Mar 2020, 20:25
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:
Replies: 14
Views: 2423

Re: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:

Dear Michael

Please tell me if I am representing the Writer's Block for February. If so,I would like to withdraw the poem.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Regards
Siva Ramanathan
by SivaRamanathan
01 Mar 2020, 21:58
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: (Reworked)Paperfall
Replies: 4
Views: 1093

Re: Paperfall

B

I will hink about it when my head is clear.
Thanks
S
by SivaRamanathan
01 Mar 2020, 20:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: (Reworked)Paperfall
Replies: 4
Views: 1093

Re: Paperfall

Bob

I retained my original version.Is this any better?

S
by SivaRamanathan
29 Feb 2020, 21:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: (Reworked)Paperfall
Replies: 4
Views: 1093

(Reworked)Paperfall

V4 Paperfall (Reworked) 1 The speed of the falling paper cascades in an arc. The Japanese girl shredding A4 paper is speechless. Her performance of white cataract matching her fluffy gown. 11 Lady! Looking so intense steadfast with scissors amplified sound that paperflows and pyramids as a cone, on ...
by SivaRamanathan
24 Feb 2020, 21:52
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Boys of Summer
Replies: 7
Views: 1396

Re: Boys of Summer

Bob

Your revision gives propulsion to the poem.


I also want to tell you I enjoyed reading it.Now,all the more,after you revision, I will use the present tense and say,I enjoy reading it.

S
by SivaRamanathan
24 Feb 2020, 21:52
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Boys of Summer
Replies: 7
Views: 1396

Re: Boys of Summer

Bob

Your revision gives propulsion to the poem.


I also want to tell you I enjoyed reading it.Now,all the more,after you revision, I will use the present tense and say,I enjoy reading it.

S
by SivaRamanathan
22 Feb 2020, 20:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Boys of Summer
Replies: 7
Views: 1396

Re: Boys of Summer

Bob I like the way you begin and take the poem forward. But the way you end invokes self pity,you can do without. My father didn't show up at the station to say goodbye. Is a 'douche of cold water on the face.'Avoid the 'if ' questions of self doubt. But keep the last two lines. Even at ten I knew t...
by SivaRamanathan
18 Feb 2020, 20:58
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man on Moon
Replies: 8
Views: 1720

Re: Man on Moon

To 'discover' is like 'creation' itself, a whole world out there,inviting.
Compared to this,'shared' is a milk and water word,it does not 'vibrate.'
by SivaRamanathan
17 Feb 2020, 20:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man on Moon
Replies: 8
Views: 1720

Re: Man on Moon

Bob

This time also,I missed the first draft.

Siva

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