Search found 9 matches

by benadams
25 Jul 2014, 03:31
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Here's my next installment. Can't wait to find out what you think. Thanks. He felt the urge to go to her, console her. But he heard Cutty’s voice, reminding him that he was there to observe and record, not get involved. And to accomplish that he was required to remain separate, in the shadows. She l...
by benadams
22 Jul 2014, 00:32
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Caroline Nice first couple of pages. It was very engaging. I can't wait to read more. If you have any questions about some of my comments let me know. Thanks for posting your work. 1. Scene length and structure (1-5): 5 The scene builds really well. 2. Clarity of spatial set (1-5): 5 We have a good ...
by benadams
17 Jul 2014, 23:46
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Corina I think interiority is very important. You want us to fall in love with Shay and a great way to do that is to show us how she reacts to her world, make us emphathize with her, make us see that we have a lot in common. You just have to be careful that it doesn't slow down the action or the sce...
by benadams
17 Jul 2014, 23:36
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group II
Replies: 12
Views: 4663

Re: Group II

1. Scene length and structure (1-5): 5. The scenes flowed well, even when you shifted to different characters and we had to step back in time a little. 2. Clarity of spatial set (1-5): 5. We know where we are at all times, even during the POV shifts. 3. Comprehensible prose narrative (1-5): 4. You d...
by benadams
17 Jul 2014, 03:16
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group II
Replies: 12
Views: 4663

Re: Group II

Brittney, I really liked this section. It was really poetic and interesting. I can't wait to see what else you have. Very strong writing. 1. Scene length and structure (1-5): 5. 2. Clarity of spatial set (1-5): 5. We know where the character is, what she’s doing, who she is. 3. Comprehensible prose ...
by benadams
17 Jul 2014, 03:14
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Corena, I'm assuming this is a rough draft. That was my thought process critiqueing it. You have a lot of really good elements present. I think you could explore them and really turn out something great. Good job. 1. Scene length and structure (1-5): 4. We get a good snapshot of Shay’s work life and...
by benadams
15 Jul 2014, 01:52
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Ok, here's a new first paragraph. Let me know what you guys think. Thanks. John Abernathy watched them from the bushes, the man sitting in the car, the woman’s head bobbing in his lap. He raised his camera to take a picture, like he was being paid to do, but hesitated, resting it against his bent kn...
by benadams
12 Jul 2014, 03:16
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Thanks for the feedback Mike. And yes, you should be totally embarrassed that you know the proper spelling for Axe Body Spray.
by benadams
12 Jul 2014, 00:45
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Hey guys. Here's the first 500 words of my book. I'm doing some rewrites, so it's still pretty rough. Let me know what you think. Ben From behind the bushes, John Abernathy lowered his camera, away from the man sitting in the car, the woman’s head bobbing in his lap. John hoped the few digital frame...

Go to advanced search