Search found 10 matches

by CORINADG
24 Jul 2014, 17:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Judge
Replies: 3
Views: 1069

Re: Judge

It seems as if you want someone to recognitize you. But, then you seem to say that you are in a sense shy and any judgement pass you will take it into your very core. That can be a dangerous and terrible responsibility for one person to have. Good Poem
by CORINADG
22 Jul 2014, 19:44
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group II
Replies: 12
Views: 4663

Re: Group II

Brittany I love the way you discribed london. It reminded me so much of when I was there. So the scene was well written. It was very clear where she is. I like the way you can tell that she really did not want to be there. So her POV was clear. The tension on the page with the reporters wanting to g...
by CORINADG
22 Jul 2014, 18:47
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group II
Replies: 12
Views: 4663

Re: Group II

Liz I love this story. I also want to read more. I have a quick question. Is the story happening now or later? Only asked because of the "ed" was being used at the end of words. "A weapon is only as deadly as the warrior that wields it." This sentence was brilliant. I could tell right away this was ...
by CORINADG
22 Jul 2014, 18:27
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Christine 1. Scene length and structure (1-5): 5 The scene length was good, now I want to read the rest. 2. Clarity of spatial set (1-5): 5 It was very clear what you were going for. 3. Comprehensible prose narrative (1-5):5 It was a good. Not much to say on that. 4. Tension on the page (1-5): 5 The...
by CORINADG
22 Jul 2014, 17:24
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Ben, I took your advice and explained why her boss is so into her appereance. I also changed the opening of the story to show how her day started from waking up in the morning.

Stephanie thank you for seeing how I was making the boss a real pain.
by CORINADG
19 Jul 2014, 20:19
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Ben, where is Micheal 150 word narrative exposition found?
by CORINADG
17 Jul 2014, 04:48
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Thank for the critique. I will take your advice and amp it up me and put more dialog in her mind. Question do you feel to much inner dialog would kill this story?
by CORINADG
16 Jul 2014, 16:26
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Walking into work, on a Monday morning; calls for a large latte. The first sip spurs me to continue on my morning commute. The swish from the door as I opened it heralds the beginning of my day at the Empire law firm in New York. I sat at my desk powering up my mac computer, when the most heinous ma...
by CORINADG
16 Jul 2014, 05:31
Forum: New York Pitch Conference Novel Execution Forum
Topic: Group I
Replies: 23
Views: 11381

Re: Group I

Are you writing in present tense or past? Where are they? In a parking lot or some remote place. The narrative composition is good. I made me want to keep reading it. The cinematic imagery was good as well. It was provocative, with a comical twist.( the duck costume.) I wanted to keep reading it. th...
by CORINADG
07 Jul 2014, 20:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: "True Independence"
Replies: 3
Views: 1123

Re: "True Independence"

Very interesting poem. I gather this is about death from our chains of life. "Sistine" is religous, referring to the pope. Unless I am wronge? I like it.

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