Search found 780 matches

by Bernie01
16 Jul 2018, 23:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sien with Cigar Sitting on the Floor near Stove
Replies: 9
Views: 718

Re: Sien with Cigar Sitting on the Floor near Stove

Bob--- a little more... Sien---who drowns herself we understand, Gauguin who also shares his little Yellow House but who leaves abruptly...all en route to a community that van Gogh held in his mind.... see the detailed biography in The New Yorker: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2010/01/04/van-g...
by Bernie01
16 Jul 2018, 21:58
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sien with Cigar Sitting on the Floor near Stove
Replies: 9
Views: 718

Re: Sien with Cigar Sitting on the Floor near Stove

Bob--- a word about poms about personalities. mentioning a notable person does not automatically elevate the poem, writing about an unknown does not consign the poem to obscurity and failure. what is the purpose here? to tell me about Sien---historical rumor has her pregnant, a failed prostitute, an...
by Bernie01
16 Jul 2018, 21:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: For my Father
Replies: 8
Views: 585

Re: Ode to my Father

Bob--- love the scaled, natural phrasing and flow. much better now than the first version you shared. only this simile troubled: and my bike foundered. Pain shot through my knees like arcing fireworks. Yet my father encouraged me: the description and setting form the image for me.... wonderful poem...
by Bernie01
15 Jul 2018, 03:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Lies We Tell Ourselves
Replies: 9
Views: 981

Re: Lies We Tell Ourselves

FRED SEVERAL YEARS AGO: The hotel foyer in turmoil, Nigerian women argue loudly about their taxi fare. I wished I had been as brave with my Sikh driver who had scammed me mercilessly. Hijras smothered in kajal accost me, I settle for one hundred rupees. Aravan, not greedy.Oh! that the Sikh would bec...
by Bernie01
13 Jul 2018, 00:39
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sien with Cigar Sitting on the Floor near Stove
Replies: 9
Views: 718

Re: Sien with Cigar Sitting on the Floor near Stove

Sien with Cigar Sitting on the Floor near Stove intriguing title, but drop the name.... declarative opening is stronger without that posturing word "as"---know what i mean? jaded as a prosecutor (Commissar), are prosecutors---or commssars well known for being jaded? the image of a figure sitting by...
by Bernie01
13 Jul 2018, 00:01
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Biography
Replies: 10
Views: 1892

Re: Biography

Revision #1 Autobiography Trace of Macchiato carelessly strung over the cherry lip of my wife's mouth. To fool me, you need more than a milk moustache. Hot shower water circles the tub, a glazed spell colors her ballerina foot, naked buttocks drape like grammar in a poem. I forget the rhyme scheme ...
by Bernie01
12 Jul 2018, 23:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Lies We Tell Ourselves
Replies: 9
Views: 981

Re: Lies We Tell Ourselves

Dear Fred----


with all respect, please fuck off.

your friend,


bernie
by Bernie01
10 Jul 2018, 02:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Groningen
Replies: 12
Views: 3233

Re: Groningen

A dazzling sun strikes the shading awning one gerund, but three in the first sentence?g a circle of wheels flow fast around our corner wheels....ah, circling.... clattering bells and peddled steps cast white frivolities high for us to stare what are peddled steps? We stir sweet coffee grounds and sc...
by Bernie01
07 Jul 2018, 22:13
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Kanchipuram Saree. (Revised)
Replies: 18
Views: 6413

Re: The Kanchipuram Saree. (Revised)

M--- i'm still dissenting.....uneasy with the literal statements and telling nature of the poem: Revision echo nature's exuberance. the extensive fields display an aura of beattitude. A rapturous resplendence where bliss surpasses the desire to posess. The resultant is inconquerable. A poetic splen...
by Bernie01
07 Jul 2018, 21:45
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ode to Knees
Replies: 2
Views: 716

Re: Ode to Knees

Bob--- i sure dig the core, lines like this: Their faces are scarred and wrinkled like the faces of mobsters. and this marshal close is terrific... but he slung me on his shoulder and we hiked back, our own parade. My father whistled as my knees, wounded heroes, came home. but the continuing person...
by Bernie01
07 Jul 2018, 21:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic:   a round from our Labor Day 2013:
Replies: 4
Views: 1538

Re:   a round from our Labor Day 2013:

M---

no dice for me....sorry.


bernie
by Bernie01
07 Jul 2018, 06:41
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Vanamali
Replies: 4
Views: 412

Re: Called Vanamali

M--- a series of closely reasoned witticisms, like Pope, like Samuel Johnson on Pope....LOL. he wrote something like 1779–1781. and now you poke good natured fun at Madame. Vanamali wants to preside chooses to impose, seeks to boss sets conditions unacceptable. She marches with an air of overconfide...
by Bernie01
06 Jul 2018, 04:42
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: "back fire"
Replies: 1
Views: 235

Re: "back fire"

M---


clever and an impact lodged inside the serpentine curls.


berrnie
by Bernie01
05 Jul 2018, 21:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Adjutant's Daughter-Revised
Replies: 8
Views: 567

Re: The Adjutant's Daughter-revised

boy, do i understand that flagging memory business....i try to be understanding...with myself....LOL. now, your Adjutant pom. luv the idea, freezing a moment of hyper beauty. my instinct, to raise another issue...like the military post itself...or weather, or some historical event...and then...wham....
by Bernie01
05 Jul 2018, 04:01
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Adjutant's Daughter-Revised
Replies: 8
Views: 567

Re: The Adjutant's Daughter

Frank--- here is what i writ: five stars. Red Carpet. Palm d'Or. Tone, detail, narrative flow. I step over a yoki lying in the gutter, smooth, clear declarative opening. location, is also suggested. very economical sentence. I continue to eat my corned meat pasty, an import - Peter's Pies, dead to ...
by Bernie01
04 Jul 2018, 07:24
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Third Act
Replies: 5
Views: 451

Third Act

Revision #2 The winter stage empties except for a baritone. I fire the grill. David Szirtes and Paul Mellon arrive to watch the Kansas - Iowa State game. We sit before the TV in school colors like Navajo women tending a cook fire. We smoke. Talk politics. Later, I write down a poem thinking I might ...
by Bernie01
04 Jul 2018, 06:49
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Adjutant's Daughter-Revised
Replies: 8
Views: 567

Re: The Adjutant's Daughter

Frank--- don't shrink from the contrast, formal military, a perfect moment of a child. The RAJENDRA SINHJI INSTITUTE, PUNE. longing to be Lloyd’s Polo Club, for the Officers of Pune Garrison, levelled by Maharaj,Shri Rajendra to accommodate Combined Officers’ Mess his daughter etched into a sunrise...
by Bernie01
04 Jul 2018, 06:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Colony
Replies: 2
Views: 281

Re: Colony

she is ravenous and blind Workers shuttle to the Red Queen. a hole of puckered earth. drones remove dung and dead. Soldiers line up for a crack at her, stamp their feet against the chill, pass a cigarette. (less Marlin Perkins and animal kingdom....more poem.) wish i had thought of that ending. bernie
by Bernie01
04 Jul 2018, 06:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Piano Skills
Replies: 12
Views: 951

Re: Piano Sonata #16

Bob--- locating the poem... Surrounded by girls, I’m clumsy, inarticulate, afraid to speak on my 16th birthday as simply as Mozart in his Piano Sonata #16, a piece for beginners, That is what I am. my knowledge of love is like my piano skills. I push the keys down without applause. just another tak...
by Bernie01
04 Jul 2018, 06:08
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: My Heart Beating as Though I Expected Someone*
Replies: 2
Views: 282

My Heart Beating as Though I Expected Someone*

Revision #1 I The ancient taxi gnarled and dented in the empty street. I expect you, wet coat, mouth red with poems. Scented hours. Teeth opening into dark pleasure. II Your book across the breasts as you recite Lord Byron. The flute and piano comfort our hearts in fluid dark. The flute, and piano ...
by Bernie01
04 Jul 2018, 06:02
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Adjutant's Daughter-Revised
Replies: 8
Views: 567

Re: The Adjutant's Daughter

Frank---


i was so happy for you with your recent IBPC victory---my favorite poem of yours as i said at the time.



bernie
by Bernie01
25 Jun 2018, 21:42
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: wood hut draft
Replies: 2
Views: 331

Re: Tribute in a Wooden Shed

Frank---

excellent.

A warmer and more balanced portrait.


now this shed, you don't make it come alive by telling us what poems may have been crafted there.

would avoid the word wanton at the end.


makes the poem sound parochial.



bernie
by Bernie01
24 Jun 2018, 21:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Beard of Bees
Replies: 8
Views: 645

Re: Beard of Bees

Bob--- remarkable story. burns at both ends with both original conceptualization and detail. the movement flows and the poem never forgets that it is unfolding a story. a story that ends with a remarkably tender final image, that stepfather touching the screen door like a doctor sifting the symptom...
by Bernie01
24 Jun 2018, 03:59
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: a photojournalism:
Replies: 1
Views: 276

Re: a photojournalism:

M---

kill the last line---no connection to light and it's a poor man dylan thomas...



but the first two lines, now we got something going.


consider making a passing reference to antiquity...challenge yourself...write five more lines....


bernie
by Bernie01
23 Jun 2018, 23:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Momento d'Amour
Replies: 4
Views: 422

Momento d'Amour

R:1 War chariots shooting Times Square, rush hour, Head on crash. Plush dive. Edgy. A drink or two. Hearts Thumped for each other. The Kiss, The Thinker. Modern Greek. Ovid on 42nd Street. Aroused, We slouch Sideways By cross-town train. Inferno. Fanfare. Aftermath. The Pieta. Our Magnum opus. We co...

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