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by BobBradshaw
21 Apr 2019, 00:02
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Belated April IBPC 2019 thread:
Replies: 22
Views: 395

Re: Belated April IBPC 2019 thread:

Bees or any of my poems from March are fine... I am not representing anywhere else. email: bobbybradshw@yahoo.com Bees I first worked in the nursery, tenderly stroking my sibling larvae. My next job was to dispose of rubbish, family slumped on the hive's floor. O my dead sisters... "Hurry," I was in...
by BobBradshaw
20 Apr 2019, 07:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Quasimodo
Replies: 12
Views: 490

Re: Quasimodo

Michael and Frank, please let me know if V3 works better than V2, etc. Best, Bob
by BobBradshaw
20 Apr 2019, 06:34
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Belated April IBPC 2019 thread:
Replies: 22
Views: 395

Re: Belated April IBPC 2019 thread:

I nominate capricorn’s “ Trysting with Morpheus”, Frank’s “Hospital” and Ken’s “Butterfly Effect”
by BobBradshaw
20 Apr 2019, 06:28
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Quasimodo
Replies: 12
Views: 490

Re: Quasimodo

Frank, I appreciate your insights and suggestions...I have incorporated some of them. Let me know your thoughts....
by BobBradshaw
20 Apr 2019, 06:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Quasimodo
Replies: 12
Views: 490

Re: Quasimodo

Thx, Michael... it will be available for the short list for May...
I like your belfry line....
but now I need to go check the March poems
by BobBradshaw
18 Apr 2019, 07:49
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Quasimodo
Replies: 12
Views: 490

Re: Quasimodo

Frank, I have shortened "Quasimodo". I think your instincts were right, that it needed to be given a generous trim. Let me know your thoughts....others too. Best
by BobBradshaw
18 Apr 2019, 03:08
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Quasimodo
Replies: 12
Views: 490

Re: Quasimodo

I am never offended by suggestions. But many suggestions from well meaning readers often don’t improve the poem... so I ignore them. But as Michael and Bernie would attest, I often revise my poems, sometimes substantially, based on constructive criticism. So feel free to suggest.
by BobBradshaw
17 Apr 2019, 23:26
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Mad
Replies: 1
Views: 199

Re: Mad

Like the colloquial feel of this.. I like the fathers simply reading their papers, but I was looking for something stronger than “that was the end of that”. Maybe they could be reading the day’s headlines of........... the headlines providing the punchline
by BobBradshaw
17 Apr 2019, 23:21
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Quasimodo
Replies: 12
Views: 490

Re: Quasimodo

Thx, Frank...I would love to trim, if it would help. Suggestions?
by BobBradshaw
17 Apr 2019, 02:44
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Quasimodo
Replies: 12
Views: 490

Re: Quasimodo

Thanks, Ken
by BobBradshaw
16 Apr 2019, 22:45
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Quasimodo
Replies: 12
Views: 490

Quasimodo

V3: Quasimodo Within these cathedral's walls the crowd’s hatred calms, as inevitably as a stirred drink settles. Or it did before I carried Esmeralda off to the belfry, rescuing her from the gallows. "Sanctuary! Sanctuary!" I shouted to the pack of dogs below. But even when I bring her an extra blan...
by BobBradshaw
14 Apr 2019, 00:53
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Dorothy and William
Replies: 2
Views: 438

Re: Dorothy and William

Thanks, Michael
by BobBradshaw
13 Apr 2019, 02:05
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Anti-Trump Day 2060
Replies: 3
Views: 382

Re: Anti-Trump Day 2060

I love that hilarious, opening stanza:

Anti-Trump day got off with a bang,
rioting in Cleveland, the rooting out
of Christians who failed to send their children
to transgender and cross-dressing schools.
Far right politicians forced to attend
homosexual education lessons:
by BobBradshaw
09 Apr 2019, 21:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Watching the Past Return
Replies: 4
Views: 409

Re: Watching the Past Return

While I like the unusual subject, and the poem overall, there are too many details for me to grasp and process at one time....I'm like a one armed juggler with more balls being thrown at me too quickly. Maybe that's my limitation....if it helps, think of Judy's poem about wire cutting....
by BobBradshaw
09 Apr 2019, 00:39
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Dorothy and William
Replies: 2
Views: 438

Dorothy and William

Dorothy and William I. There was only darkness to sit with her. The moon too had turned her back on Dorothy. William was off to see Mary Hutchinson, to propose. William, her beloved, her darling had sworn nothing would change between them after the wedding, all three of them living together. How cou...
by BobBradshaw
30 Mar 2019, 20:21
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: John and Fanny
Replies: 5
Views: 868

Re: John and Fanny

Eira, Kenneth -- thank you...
by BobBradshaw
30 Mar 2019, 20:18
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: 1953
Replies: 4
Views: 753

Re: 1953

Good contrasts and good irony, a strength of yours....the distances between potential Armageddon and the perspectives of how everyone perceives those threats are striking...one nitpick: the comma after "once"
by BobBradshaw
29 Mar 2019, 07:08
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Celestial Spectator (seperate stanzas)
Replies: 4
Views: 750

Re: Celestial Spectator

This is good. I would break this into 2 stanzas, after cutting this line(which I don’t get):
I sang
before the plaque and tangles scourged my mind.

“tangles scourged my mind” is melodramatic and for me anyway obscure.

Break S1 after “hymns”... think about it.

This is so close
by BobBradshaw
28 Mar 2019, 23:58
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: 'Rosebud' - Citizen Kane [edit 2 formerly No Voice]
Replies: 22
Views: 1937

Re: No Voice -edit 1

I see your point, but "bemused" is a bit literary for the situation...confused or dazed would be better.

Good poem...you're close
by BobBradshaw
28 Mar 2019, 20:30
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: 'Rosebud' - Citizen Kane [edit 2 formerly No Voice]
Replies: 22
Views: 1937

Re: No Voice -edit 1

I like the improvements. I think the 2nd stanza can be improved by both trimming and expanding. You don’t need both worn out and exhausted. But you could expand on her injuries, but don’t overdo it. Just thinking out loud about the closing... why would Rosie look bemused? Maybe Rosie looked long at ...
by BobBradshaw
28 Mar 2019, 07:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Harbinger
Replies: 12
Views: 1436

Re: Harbinger

Frank, Eira— Thank you both
by BobBradshaw
27 Mar 2019, 20:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: 'Rosebud' - Citizen Kane [edit 2 formerly No Voice]
Replies: 22
Views: 1937

Re: No Voice

I'm not for keeping the Citizen Kane reference....Jack from what little I can gather doesn't seem the type to think of Rosebud...and I would end the poem with my favorite lines:

The dogs came back to Jack
for their ears to be tickled.
by BobBradshaw
27 Mar 2019, 20:52
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Psalmic lines: "I am with you always"
Replies: 2
Views: 752

Re: Psalmic lines: "I am with you always"

These are the lines I like most, the last stanza my favorite.
go ask Cathy & Heathcliff
Emily Bronte & all kindred spirits of our family

I would look to cut...the laugh-lines stanza is the first stanza I would remove
by BobBradshaw
27 Mar 2019, 20:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: John and Fanny
Replies: 5
Views: 868

Re: John Keats and Fanny Brawne, In Love

Thanks, Michael....I'm not devoted to the title...If you think "John & Fanny" is better, I will change it. Or if anyone can suggest a livelier title, I would seriously consider it. Bob
by BobBradshaw
27 Mar 2019, 20:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: M&M's [edit 1]
Replies: 4
Views: 778

Re: M&M's

Oh, I'm savoring this one....what beautiful sensory images you give. Of course it could be tightened, and I would like to see the long stanza broken into smaller ones. But what a yummy poem, and that is a compliment....am enjoying

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