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by BobBradshaw
02 Apr 2020, 01:05
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming April IBPC 2020:
Replies: 6
Views: 121

Re: Upcoming April IBPC 2020:

Thx,Michael email: bobbybradshw@yahoo.com This is my original poem, and I’m not representing in another forum. Separation Conjoined at the hip and chest, we were partners in a slow dance. Though our parents were divorced, we never knew loneliness. When talk of separation came up we looked at each ot...
by BobBradshaw
01 Apr 2020, 08:19
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Elizabeth and Dante Gabriel Rossetti
Replies: 6
Views: 178

Re: Elizabeth and Dante Gabriel Rossetti

Thx for that... I’m glad the 2 new stanzas work
by BobBradshaw
01 Apr 2020, 03:07
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Elizabeth and Dante Gabriel Rossetti
Replies: 6
Views: 178

Re: Elizabeth and Dante Gabriel Rossetti

I have added some stanzas...see V2...let me know...thx
by BobBradshaw
31 Mar 2020, 08:33
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming April IBPC 2020:
Replies: 6
Views: 121

Re: Upcoming April IBPC 2020:

I nominate Siva's "Riding a Bike...."
by BobBradshaw
30 Mar 2020, 22:25
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Paperfall (plus an extended title)
Replies: 9
Views: 273

Re: Paperfall (plus an extended title)

This is much better than previous versions. I like the clean, shorter lines as well. I know you’re still working on this, and I look forward to your next revision.

Question: why do have so many blank lines?
by BobBradshaw
29 Mar 2020, 02:23
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Elizabeth and Dante Gabriel Rossetti
Replies: 6
Views: 178

Elizabeth and Dante Gabriel Rossetti

V3: Elizabeth and Dante Gabriel Rossetti Two days after she died, Lizzie looked as if she’d fallen into a pleasant dream. Gabriel brought in yet another doctor —but his hopes were ashes. Overburdened with guilt, he slipped into Lizzie’s coffin the most valuable thing he owned: a manuscript he was ce...
by BobBradshaw
28 Mar 2020, 21:32
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Paperfall (plus an extended title)
Replies: 9
Views: 273

Re: Paperfall (Reworked)

Yeah, I'm familiar with the photo...it's a great shot. You should try to do it as an ekphrastic piece....see how it works out.
by BobBradshaw
28 Mar 2020, 02:18
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Paperfall (plus an extended title)
Replies: 9
Views: 273

Re: Paperfall (Reworked)

Ok, first off...I like the change in ending...it's much more emotional. We need to make sure the reader sees the connection with Amma's "Mission Hospital" and the artist's asylum. Trimming and more precise language at places will improve the poem....I have a quick 1st draft for you to consider, as a...
by BobBradshaw
27 Mar 2020, 22:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Paperfall (plus an extended title)
Replies: 9
Views: 273

Re: Paperfall (Reworked)

I will comment later, when I have access to a computer. Right now I only have a phone.
by BobBradshaw
27 Mar 2020, 20:41
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Alfred Sisley
Replies: 5
Views: 205

Re: Alfred Sisley

You're too modest...but I don't see "Paperfall"....did you remove it?
by BobBradshaw
26 Mar 2020, 22:25
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Alfred Sisley
Replies: 5
Views: 205

Re: Alfred Sisley

Thanks, Siva...I have changed the poem per your suggestion....the last stanza doesn't need another line(imho)....as a general rule the last stanza can vary from the preceding stanzas' lines...it can add more lines or trim the number of lines ...thx for your help
by BobBradshaw
26 Mar 2020, 07:22
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Alfred Sisley
Replies: 5
Views: 205

Alfred Sisley

V2: Alfred Sisley He painted his beloved rivers, borrowing what money he could for food, paints, brushes… his name as forgotten as a concealed layer of paint. Even as he was sick with what his wife had died from, cancer of the tongue, he worked on trying to catch the river’s changing colors, its lig...
by BobBradshaw
19 Mar 2020, 20:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Lois Lane In Love
Replies: 6
Views: 1452

Re: Lois Lane In Love

Thanks, Siva. :)
by BobBradshaw
18 Mar 2020, 21:30
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Lois Lane In Love
Replies: 6
Views: 1452

Re: Lois Lane In Love

Really? Cultural gap...lol...you've never seen a Superman movie or tv series or read a Superman comic? You have better tastes than I have!
by BobBradshaw
16 Mar 2020, 07:33
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.
Replies: 8
Views: 957

Re: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.

Maybe in the closing reference the horror in S1 but detail in contrast the tenderness and care and love felt at the family member ceremony
by BobBradshaw
15 Mar 2020, 21:45
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.
Replies: 8
Views: 957

Re: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.

I'm not sure...possibly...although I'm thinking ending it on a stanza about a death close to the narrator would work better
by BobBradshaw
15 Mar 2020, 00:31
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.
Replies: 8
Views: 957

Re: Riding a Bike to Cross the Countryside.

There is some lovely writing here: I love the long opening you have laid down; We went past a rubber plantation where the stench had to be inhaled to breathe; worse than burning tyres emitting fire-light. My brother said, be sure you know what it is. And so I recalled the many names of after death. ...
by BobBradshaw
14 Mar 2020, 21:23
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Lois Lane In Love
Replies: 6
Views: 1452

Re: Lois Lane, In Love

shortened
by BobBradshaw
14 Mar 2020, 06:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Separation
Replies: 3
Views: 863

Re: Conjoined Twins Go Their Separate Ways

Thanks, Michael.... especially for your enthusiastic support. It means a lot.

I like the idea of “Separation” for the title.
And I also like your improvement for the last line.

Yes. I’d appreciate a nom for April.
Again, much thanks!
Bob
by BobBradshaw
12 Mar 2020, 06:22
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Lois Lane In Love
Replies: 6
Views: 1452

Re: Superman and Lois Lane

A slight cut...
by BobBradshaw
12 Mar 2020, 06:19
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Separation
Replies: 3
Views: 863

Separation

V2: Separation Conjoined at the hip and chest, we were partners in a slow dance. Though our parents were divorced, we never knew loneliness. When talk of separation came up we looked at each other the way a pilot and co-pilot in a piper plane do when flying at low altitude, and the engine stalls. Ou...
by BobBradshaw
08 Mar 2020, 21:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Lois Lane In Love
Replies: 6
Views: 1452

Lois Lane In Love

V2: Lois Lane In Love He’s always diving out an open window waving goodbye, but when he does find time for a quick kiss, a surge of energy floods my nerves. It's like a power surge after an outage, every suburb in my body lighting up. All night as he circles the planet, saving Paris, New Delhi, Min...
by BobBradshaw
06 Mar 2020, 01:52
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:
Replies: 9
Views: 1639

Re: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:

Thx, Michael, for the link.... enjoyed the poem.... especially liked the idea of flames flying from the inside out

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