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by BobBradshaw
14 Jun 2019, 01:30
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Big Band Theory V 2
Replies: 6
Views: 221

Re: Big Band Theory V 2

Perhaps what has been lost is the contrast in the two worlds colliding, which you hinted at in v1. So after the Horne stanza, contrast the couple: for example, the girl’s history like Lena’s skin, almost flawless, the guy’s past a rap sheet thicker than the Gospel... or a bookie’s journal... you get...
by BobBradshaw
13 Jun 2019, 21:03
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Big Band Theory V 2
Replies: 6
Views: 221

Re: Big Band Theory V 2

The never mind and they say don’t work as well as some of the writing in the first version.... maybe replace the 3rd stanza with this from earlier? Seventeen horns and a rhythm section, Lena Horne could almost pass when back-lit. Also, “universe” ... would “world” work better, along with tweaking th...
by BobBradshaw
13 Jun 2019, 19:42
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Love's Arrival
Replies: 6
Views: 226

Re: Love's Arrival

Thanks, Michael, for the options...best, Bob
by BobBradshaw
12 Jun 2019, 23:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Big Band Theory V 2
Replies: 6
Views: 221

Re: Big Band Theory V 2

Really like this... I like both versions... love this image

It's early and the joint is
quiet as a paid- off cop.

Nitpick: in the last stanza the tense changes from present to past
by BobBradshaw
11 Jun 2019, 18:58
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Love's Arrival
Replies: 6
Views: 226

Re: Love's Arrival

Ken, Frank — thank you
by BobBradshaw
11 Jun 2019, 06:31
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Love's Arrival
Replies: 6
Views: 226

Love's Arrival

Love's Arrival Our mothers and grandparents admired this same dusting of stars... I slip my palm into your hand. Somewhere a spaceship from an outer pocket of the universe is speeding towards us with another couple in love. Like us they will face minor problems, too. Maybe their luggage will be lost...
by BobBradshaw
10 Jun 2019, 04:18
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Newly Married are Supposed to Start Their Marital Life in the Boy’s Parents’ House.
Replies: 5
Views: 289

Re: Newly Married are Supposed to Start Their Marital Life in the Boy’s Parents’ House.

I agree... an excellent subject for a poem, and one that is handled well with gentleness and subtlety.
by BobBradshaw
09 Jun 2019, 19:44
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Big Band Theory
Replies: 7
Views: 356

Re: Big Band Theory

It’s a good poem, Ken. Just not as powerful as some of your gems.... your bar is set so high
by BobBradshaw
09 Jun 2019, 07:08
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Badge of Freedom
Replies: 2
Views: 382

Re: Badge of Freedom

The last line is much better
by BobBradshaw
07 Jun 2019, 21:13
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Never Forget - V2
Replies: 6
Views: 468

Re: Never Forget - V2

Thanks, Frank...I like how you have thought this out
by BobBradshaw
07 Jun 2019, 20:09
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Burning Man
Replies: 5
Views: 351

Re: Burning Man

Thx for the explanation....Bob
by BobBradshaw
07 Jun 2019, 20:08
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Big Band Theory
Replies: 7
Views: 356

Re: Big Band Theory

I like this, the reefer odor mixing with the Pomade, and especially the last stanza. My first thought when reading this was that it was a bit too generic, and maybe it is. But it is good. A keeper. What I would also like to see is a second poem that zooms in, immerses me in a specific moment. Instea...
by BobBradshaw
07 Jun 2019, 19:56
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Never Forget - V2
Replies: 6
Views: 468

Re: Never Forget - V2

We can't praise that generation enough...they saved Europe. Out of curiosity, who publishes found / erasure poems? Personally, I don't get the attraction, but I have never been a big fan of collage either. Or Slam Poetry for that matter. But that's me. And it isn't a criticism of you or anyone else ...
by BobBradshaw
07 Jun 2019, 00:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Burning Man
Replies: 5
Views: 351

Re: Burning Man

I like the last 2 stanzas best... especially the smoldering boots. I am not sure how the ants image relates, or what it’s trying to tell me. Maybe it’s me.
by BobBradshaw
07 Jun 2019, 00:02
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Never Forget - V2
Replies: 6
Views: 468

Re: Never Forget - V2

Pretty well done exercise.... the ending needs to be stronger, the history written in blood too common.... just curious, why are you doing this type of exercise? You have a good, imaginative voice which interests me more
by BobBradshaw
04 Jun 2019, 00:00
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Worst Things About You
Replies: 7
Views: 833

Re: The Worst Things About You

I just listened to this song, Frank, on Youtube... enjoyed... thx for mentioning it
by BobBradshaw
03 Jun 2019, 23:03
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Problem With Two Cats
Replies: 3
Views: 476

Re: The Problem With Two Cats

This is hilarious.... love the narrator’s voice... stellar from top to bottom
by BobBradshaw
03 Jun 2019, 03:14
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming June IBPC 2019:
Replies: 17
Views: 807

Re: Upcoming June IBPC 2019:

This is my original work, and I’m not posting at another forum. Bob Bradshaw bobbybradshw@yahoo.com La Brea Tar Pits I came to Los Angeles for the Strip, the nightclubs, the famous restaurants where celebrities gather, picking at their salads, and sipping wines that would cost me a year’s rent. In t...
by BobBradshaw
03 Jun 2019, 03:10
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Worst Things About You
Replies: 7
Views: 833

Re: The Worst Things About You

I don’t know this song but thx. for sharing it....I. Will look it up
by BobBradshaw
02 Jun 2019, 00:56
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming June IBPC 2019:
Replies: 17
Views: 807

Re: Upcoming June IBPC 2019:

Thanks, guys... I accept the nom for La Brea if chosen
by BobBradshaw
02 Jun 2019, 00:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Worst Things About You
Replies: 7
Views: 833

Re: The Worst Things About You

Meenas, Ken —. Glad you enjoyed it
by BobBradshaw
01 Jun 2019, 09:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Grandfather Clock
Replies: 7
Views: 728

Re: Grandfather Clock

What a fascinating take...I take the mice to be memories, and associated with the phantom that shares the N’s bed— the phantom someone once close to the speaker. Fresh imagery as well as a fresh way to tell a familiar story... very creative. A big thumb’s up. I like the sinister turn at the end, the...
by BobBradshaw
30 May 2019, 20:34
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming June IBPC 2019:
Replies: 17
Views: 807

Re: Upcoming June IBPC 2019:

I second Meenas' "The Smuggling Experience"
by BobBradshaw
28 May 2019, 01:38
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming June IBPC 2019:
Replies: 17
Views: 807

Re: Upcoming June IBPC 2019:

I nom Kenneth’s “Jesus Was” poem and Frank’s “Vir Triumphalis” poem. I am still pondering a third nom.
by BobBradshaw
28 May 2019, 01:33
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Worst Things About You
Replies: 7
Views: 833

The Worst Things About You

The Worst Things About You The worst things about you? You love babies and huskies, dalmatians, wiener dogs, anything attached to a lovely woman with thin wrists, and you love the best restaurants, the waiters bringing you vintage wines as if you were the food critic for the New York Times while we ...

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