Search found 225 matches

by capricorn
20 Apr 2019, 19:43
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Belated April IBPC 2019 thread:
Replies: 22
Views: 404

Re: Belated April IBPC 2019 thread:

So glad you were able to do this for April, Michael. I wanted to nominate Frank's 'Rosebud' (although as the revision was done in April it could go later) I second Bob's 'Salmon Run' and Ken's Butterfly effect Letter' As mine has been seconded here are the details if chosen. presentideaseira@hotmail...
by capricorn
20 Apr 2019, 19:14
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: waited until International Haiku Poetry Day to share this good news:
Replies: 3
Views: 174

Re: waited until International Haiku Poetry Day to share this good news:

Well done Michael! I have a fascination for haiku/senryu. Perhaps I'll post some to get some expert help. :D
Eira
by capricorn
05 Apr 2019, 15:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: 'Rosebud' - Citizen Kane [edit 2 formerly No Voice]
Replies: 22
Views: 1984

Re: 'Rosebud' - Citizen Kane [edit 2 formerly No Voice]

I like your revision Frank and the change to 'bewildered' at the end - I think that word sums it all up very well.

I would nominate this, but notice there is no thread for this month??

Eira
by capricorn
30 Mar 2019, 01:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Celestial Spectator (seperate stanzas)
Replies: 4
Views: 772

Re: Celestial Spectator

Kenneth2816 wrote:
29 Mar 2019, 09:33
Wow. I agree about a stanza break.
I've broken this into a few stanzas, Ken. Explanation given above to Bob.

Eira
by capricorn
30 Mar 2019, 01:53
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Celestial Spectator (seperate stanzas)
Replies: 4
Views: 772

Re: Celestial Spectator

This is good. I would break this into 2 stanzas, after cutting this line(which I don’t get): I sang before the plaque and tangles scourged my mind. “tangles scourged my mind” is melodramatic and for me anyway obscure. Break S1 after “hymns”... think about it. This is so close Thanks Bob, As this is...
by capricorn
29 Mar 2019, 04:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Celestial Spectator (seperate stanzas)
Replies: 4
Views: 772

Celestial Spectator (seperate stanzas)

Celestial Spectator Intent, I watch you congregate to pay your last respects, reciting snips of script like actors from an ill-remembered play, attired in pious masks. I listen gripped as timbres swell from favoured hymns I sang, before a mass of tangles plagued my mind. I weigh each wilted friendsh...
by capricorn
29 Mar 2019, 04:00
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: John and Fanny
Replies: 5
Views: 892

Re: John and Fanny

A beautiful poem, Bob. I think John and Fanny is fine for the title. I love the last stanza - you always get the ending so right.

Eira
by capricorn
29 Mar 2019, 03:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: 'Rosebud' - Citizen Kane [edit 2 formerly No Voice]
Replies: 22
Views: 1984

Re: No Voice -edit 1

Brilliant poem, Frank. Very strong. I felt very moved reading this.

I like Bob's suggestion of 'dazed' as an alternative for 'bemused'.

Eira
by capricorn
28 Mar 2019, 03:44
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Psalmic lines: "I am with you always"
Replies: 2
Views: 767

Re: Psalmic lines: "I am with you always"

I agree with everything Bob has suggested, Michael.

I love the last stanza too.

Eira
by capricorn
28 Mar 2019, 03:41
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: M&M's [edit 1]
Replies: 4
Views: 794

Re: M&M's

Oh yummy! You know just how to make my mouth water. Beautiful images in this.

I agree with everything Bob has suggested.

Eira
by capricorn
28 Mar 2019, 03:19
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Harbinger
Replies: 12
Views: 1476

Re: Harbinger

I can so relate to this, Bob. I like the way you've split it into stanzas and especially the ending

my body longs only to nap,
to become a stone, settling
in a sun-lit creek, the lullaby
of water enveloping me.

Lovely!

Eira
by capricorn
28 Mar 2019, 03:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Christmas Cactus
Replies: 4
Views: 1082

Re: Christmas Cactus

Billy wrote:
18 Mar 2019, 17:07
very good poem with a nicely understated message.
Thanks Billy
by capricorn
28 Mar 2019, 03:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Christmas Cactus
Replies: 4
Views: 1082

Re: Christmas Cactus

Belated Congrats, Eira Not surprised it was published I like how the plant parallels the person And I like the finale, which is without end I have always felt Spring to be the fulfillment of the Christmas promise "It is done" Music-video to celebrate - https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=98LaApCB4l8 😎 Mi...
by capricorn
28 Mar 2019, 02:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Trysting with Morpheus (rev 1)
Replies: 12
Views: 2263

Re: Trysting with Morpheus (rev 1)

BobBradshaw wrote:
16 Mar 2019, 20:02
Good one... the revision makes it better
Thanks for your help Bob
Eira
by capricorn
16 Mar 2019, 18:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Christmas Cactus
Replies: 4
Views: 1082

Christmas Cactus

Christmas Cactus She faded at Yuletide - left me orphaned. I adopted her favourite cactus, brought to cheer her in the dreary ward, took it home to nourish. Trapped in mourning’s rut, I neglected it. Grief eased; I found the plant desiccated, like my core. Wilted with guilt I teased encrusted roots ...
by capricorn
16 Mar 2019, 17:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Last Supper (revised)
Replies: 5
Views: 1386

Re: Last Supper (revised)

Another version - cut back

Eira
by capricorn
16 Mar 2019, 17:52
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Trysting with Morpheus (rev 1)
Replies: 12
Views: 2263

Re: Trysting with Morpheus (rev 1)

Kenneth2816 wrote:
10 Mar 2019, 22:05
I really like the conxept
Thanks Ken
by capricorn
16 Mar 2019, 17:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Butterfly Effect Letter
Replies: 8
Views: 1596

Re: Butterfly Effect Letter

Kenneth2816 wrote:
15 Mar 2019, 10:19
Thanks Bob. Billly. Butterfly Effect 8s a chaos theory that states the fluttering of a butterfly wings can touch off a tsunami thousands of miles away. IDK if I believe it, but its that deluge .
What a terrifying thought, Ken. Wonderful poem.

Eira
by capricorn
16 Mar 2019, 17:42
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Salmon Run - revised
Replies: 12
Views: 1522

Re: Salmon Run - revised

I love nature poems, Bob , so really enjoyed the descriptions in this one.

Good revision, I would only suggest 'corpses' instead of 'dead' in the last line.

Eira
by capricorn
10 Mar 2019, 16:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Trysting with Morpheus (rev 1)
Replies: 12
Views: 2263

Re: Trysting with Morpheus (rev 1)

FranktheFrank wrote:
09 Mar 2019, 13:23
I am shocked! :)
:shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:
by capricorn
09 Mar 2019, 03:53
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Trysting with Morpheus (rev 1)
Replies: 12
Views: 2263

Re: Morpheus' Tryst

The only thing that bothers me is your habit of leaving out the article before the noun, It can work, but in this case hinders the poem. What is wrong with: my heart drumming to a warbler's call. rather than: my heart drumming to warbler's call. I agree the last stanza could be dropped, we already ...
by capricorn
09 Mar 2019, 03:49
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Trysting with Morpheus (rev 1)
Replies: 12
Views: 2263

Re: Morpheus' Tryst

This is close... there’s plenty to like, you paint a good scene. The tantalizingly tender and titillations lines aren’t needed. I like the warbler image, and might end the poem there. The last stanza is flat. Maybe you could either merge it with the previous stanza, but close on the warbler image o...
by capricorn
09 Mar 2019, 03:41
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Trysting with Morpheus (rev 1)
Replies: 12
Views: 2263

Re: Morpheus' Tryst

Michael (MV) wrote:
07 Mar 2019, 06:19
 
eroticus interruptus


consider "Trysting with Morpheus" as title


you might find this interesting:

https://artsbma.org/collection/somnus-2/


8)

Michael (MV)
 

Have changed to Trysting with Morpheus - thanks Michael.


Very interesting link too.


Eira
by capricorn
07 Mar 2019, 02:39
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Trysting with Morpheus (rev 1)
Replies: 12
Views: 2263

Trysting with Morpheus (rev 1)

Just found a recent revision in tercets - hope the longer lines flow better. Trysting with Morpheus Fancy a glass of Prosecco? Both snug on the sofa, I chuckle at his banter until the clock’s chime suggests we whisper - goodnight. He fingers my ring – bold lips brush mine; a lingering feather-touch,...
by capricorn
07 Mar 2019, 02:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Paul Gauguin on Atuona - revised
Replies: 9
Views: 2165

Re: Paul Gauguin on Atuona - revised

I can't remember the original, but this version is wonderful.

Eira

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