Search found 181 matches
- 08 Apr 2023, 15:06
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming April IBPC 2023:
- Replies: 18
- Views: 8414
Re: Upcoming April IBPC 2023:
Dale Patterson This poem is mine, and is unpublished. I am not representing another forum. Paper Fan Flames drip from the tinfoil teeth of the sun. Sweat rolls down my spine. Power lines swell with electrical juice. Squirrels walk the hot wire seeking love. I go to a bar to get out of the heat. Outs...
- 08 Apr 2023, 00:19
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming April IBPC 2023:
- Replies: 18
- Views: 8414
Re: Upcoming April IBPC 2023:
Sure I’m in, thanks for the nom.
But I’m not really sure IBPC is active?
But I’m not really sure IBPC is active?
- 26 Mar 2023, 18:39
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Laborers Puzzle and Talk
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1975
The Laborers Puzzle and Talk
Mother opens a box of pyramid stones, pours them onto the dining room table. Father says to use logic, start with the bottom and build towards the top. Mother has thoughts of her own locates four corners then looks for straight lines. I work without having a plan, use my thumb to force pieces into t...
- 26 Mar 2023, 18:38
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Testament
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2504
Re: Testament
Interesting poem, the only problem I have is that it’s set in Old Testament times and the final stanza has these people referring to Jesus. Jesus wasn’t born until hundreds of years later and only known to these people in an abstract prophetic sense.
- 26 Mar 2023, 18:31
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Searched the Internet Again
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4695
Re: Searched the Internet Again
I’m thinking perhaps the first two stanzas are not necessary.
I know there are things you probably like about them, but are the necessary
to tell the story? Just a thought since you indicated you weren’t happy
with the poem.
I know there are things you probably like about them, but are the necessary
to tell the story? Just a thought since you indicated you weren’t happy
with the poem.
- 26 Mar 2023, 18:22
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Boomerang
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2566
Re: Boomerang
Sometimes disaster has a name written on it. Glad Jeff lived to face another day. Nicely told tale.
- 26 Mar 2023, 18:17
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Developments in a Dark Room
- Replies: 6
- Views: 3410
Re: Developments in a Dark Room
Diamonds are a great metaphor for enduring love.
Enjoyed the poem, here’s to another fifty.
Enjoyed the poem, here’s to another fifty.
- 10 Mar 2023, 19:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Paper Fan
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2250
Re: Paper Fan
Thanks Ken
- 10 Mar 2023, 19:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Paper Fan
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2250
Re: Paper Fan
Thanks Bob, there are a lot of random events that could be cut, I’m giving it some serious thought.BobBradshaw wrote: ↑09 Mar 2023, 21:41Your closings are always good. The list of bad things happening could be trimmed for better impact. That fine closing makes the poem. So I would like to get to it quicker.
- 09 Mar 2023, 17:17
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Paper Fan
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2250
Paper Fan
Flames drip from the tinfoil teeth of the sun. Sweat rolls down my spine. Power lines swell with electrical juice. Squirrels walk the hot wire seeking love. I go to a bar to get out of the heat. Outside a vagrant is tasered and cuffed. Hot tar sticks to the tires of cars. The woman beside me puts ic...
- 09 Mar 2023, 17:16
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: In Lieu of a Pretext
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2262
Re: In Lieu of a Pretext
Thanks for reading guys and thanks for the welcome back Frank.
- 09 Mar 2023, 17:13
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: My Brother Predicts The Seasons
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1734
Re: My Brother Predicts The Seasons
Line 3 I think you want ‘off?’
I may be wrong but doesn’t sap flow up from the roots and not down from the branches?
Those weed eaters are a dead give away, enjoyed.
I may be wrong but doesn’t sap flow up from the roots and not down from the branches?
Those weed eaters are a dead give away, enjoyed.
- 09 Mar 2023, 17:07
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Shotgun Wedding
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2201
Re: Shotgun Wedding
I’ve never had a substance addiction but I imagine you grow quite close to people in recovery sessions.
- 08 Mar 2023, 20:06
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: In Lieu of a Pretext
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2262
In Lieu of a Pretext
An inopportune boy runs away, gets pushed to the ground where he’s taunted and beaten. An old lady sits with her crossword, says ‘hate’ is a four letter word meaning ‘have it in for.’ Her husband is senile but when he was young he trained shepherd dogs to recognize death and find fallen soldiers. Ci...
- 08 Mar 2023, 20:03
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Access
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1820
Re: Access
I can relate, technology’s purpose is to make you feel stupid.
I had to glean through my notebooks to find my name and password
just to be able to post here again.
I had to glean through my notebooks to find my name and password
just to be able to post here again.
- 08 Mar 2023, 19:59
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: In The Name of The King
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3347
Re: In The Name of The King
A great walk through history, interesting details, I like it all.
Sad how we destroy other people in the name of a King.
Sad how we destroy other people in the name of a King.
- 08 Mar 2023, 19:53
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A-Muse
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2692
Re: A-Muse
Love it Billy, and of course they are saving the best for themselves.
- 08 Mar 2023, 19:50
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: How You Met Your Wife
- Replies: 9
- Views: 3365
Re: How You Met Your Wife
In the final stanza I would simply say, ‘that night you met her in a bar,’ the title already says it’s his future wife.
Love the poem, and a cowboy bar always gets my attention.
Love the poem, and a cowboy bar always gets my attention.
- 20 Jan 2019, 01:08
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Poems that placed in the November IBPC 2018 (Congrats Ken)
- Replies: 10
- Views: 23836
Re: Poems that placed in the November IBPC 2018 (Congrats Ken)
Congratulations Ken, great poem, your the IBPC master.
- 18 Jan 2019, 20:01
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Pongal
- Replies: 8
- Views: 16527
Re: Pongal
Great writing, lovely descriptions. IMO, I would rephrase S1 and S2 to eliminate the word ‘pongal’ I see this in the title, if I need help knowing it’s a festival perhaps title, ‘the festival of pongal, otherwise the first stanza reads like a definition. Perhaps start, ‘ We rejoice with gratitude, a...
- 15 Jan 2019, 23:48
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Het Gele Huis
- Replies: 10
- Views: 18559
Re: Het Gele Huis - edit 2
I get a bit confused towards the end, does the narrator see himself as the landlord for the shop owners? If so, when he says ‘my customers’ they are his because they enable the shop keepers to pay rent?
- 03 Jan 2019, 18:36
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming January IBPC 2019:
- Replies: 15
- Views: 33924
Re: Upcoming January IBPC 2019:
1/Dale Patterson 2/dalepatterson@comcast.com 3/the poem is mine 4/and is an unpublished work 5/and that I am not representing in the current IBPC Fusions Prussian Blue street, headlights, horns, stiletto heels clipping down stairs to a small basement club where pink neon shapes a mood we fall into, ...
- 01 Jan 2019, 16:59
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming January IBPC 2019:
- Replies: 15
- Views: 33924
Re: Upcoming January IBPC 2019:
I nominate-
Bob’s Renaming Constellations
Sivas’s Appa Took Me...
Michael’s Celebrating a 53rd Anniversary
Bob’s Renaming Constellations
Sivas’s Appa Took Me...
Michael’s Celebrating a 53rd Anniversary
- 29 Dec 2018, 20:06
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Wedding Of The Year
- Replies: 10
- Views: 17591
Re: Wedding Of The Year
Great subject, well written. I agree with Bob concerning the final lines.
- 29 Dec 2018, 20:04
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Fusions
- Replies: 6
- Views: 14215
Re: Fusions
Thanks Bob.
Thanks Capricorn, you have me thinking about the ‘And’
Thanks Siva, I’ll think some on the title.
Thanks Capricorn, you have me thinking about the ‘And’
Thanks Siva, I’ll think some on the title.