Search found 181 matches

by IndianaDP
08 Apr 2023, 15:06
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming April IBPC 2023:
Replies: 18
Views: 8132

Re: Upcoming April IBPC 2023:

Dale Patterson This poem is mine, and is unpublished. I am not representing another forum. Paper Fan Flames drip from the tinfoil teeth of the sun. Sweat rolls down my spine. Power lines swell with electrical juice. Squirrels walk the hot wire seeking love. I go to a bar to get out of the heat. Outs...
by IndianaDP
08 Apr 2023, 00:19
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming April IBPC 2023:
Replies: 18
Views: 8132

Re: Upcoming April IBPC 2023:

Sure I’m in, thanks for the nom.
But I’m not really sure IBPC is active?
by IndianaDP
26 Mar 2023, 18:39
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Laborers Puzzle and Talk
Replies: 2
Views: 1869

The Laborers Puzzle and Talk

Mother opens a box of pyramid stones, pours them onto the dining room table. Father says to use logic, start with the bottom and build towards the top. Mother has thoughts of her own locates four corners then looks for straight lines. I work without having a plan, use my thumb to force pieces into t...
by IndianaDP
26 Mar 2023, 18:38
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Testament
Replies: 4
Views: 2392

Re: Testament

Interesting poem, the only problem I have is that it’s set in Old Testament times and the final stanza has these people referring to Jesus. Jesus wasn’t born until hundreds of years later and only known to these people in an abstract prophetic sense.
by IndianaDP
26 Mar 2023, 18:31
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Searched the Internet Again
Replies: 11
Views: 4527

Re: Searched the Internet Again

I’m thinking perhaps the first two stanzas are not necessary.
I know there are things you probably like about them, but are the necessary
to tell the story? Just a thought since you indicated you weren’t happy
with the poem.
by IndianaDP
26 Mar 2023, 18:22
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Boomerang
Replies: 4
Views: 2453

Re: Boomerang

Sometimes disaster has a name written on it. Glad Jeff lived to face another day. Nicely told tale.
by IndianaDP
26 Mar 2023, 18:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Developments in a Dark Room
Replies: 6
Views: 3240

Re: Developments in a Dark Room

Diamonds are a great metaphor for enduring love.
Enjoyed the poem, here’s to another fifty.
by IndianaDP
10 Mar 2023, 19:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Paper Fan
Replies: 4
Views: 2162

Re: Paper Fan

Kenneth2816 wrote:
10 Mar 2023, 15:26
Good work in this Dale. Never saw it comimg.
Thanks Ken
by IndianaDP
10 Mar 2023, 19:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Paper Fan
Replies: 4
Views: 2162

Re: Paper Fan

BobBradshaw wrote:
09 Mar 2023, 21:41
Your closings are always good. The list of bad things happening could be trimmed for better impact. That fine closing makes the poem. So I would like to get to it quicker.
Thanks Bob, there are a lot of random events that could be cut, I’m giving it some serious thought.
by IndianaDP
09 Mar 2023, 17:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Paper Fan
Replies: 4
Views: 2162

Paper Fan

Flames drip from the tinfoil teeth of the sun. Sweat rolls down my spine. Power lines swell with electrical juice. Squirrels walk the hot wire seeking love. I go to a bar to get out of the heat. Outside a vagrant is tasered and cuffed. Hot tar sticks to the tires of cars. The woman beside me puts ic...
by IndianaDP
09 Mar 2023, 17:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: In Lieu of a Pretext
Replies: 4
Views: 2180

Re: In Lieu of a Pretext

Thanks for reading guys and thanks for the welcome back Frank.
by IndianaDP
09 Mar 2023, 17:13
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: My Brother Predicts The Seasons
Replies: 2
Views: 1661

Re: My Brother Predicts The Seasons

Line 3 I think you want ‘off?’

I may be wrong but doesn’t sap flow up from the roots and not down from the branches?

Those weed eaters are a dead give away, enjoyed.
by IndianaDP
09 Mar 2023, 17:07
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Shotgun Wedding
Replies: 4
Views: 2127

Re: Shotgun Wedding

I’ve never had a substance addiction but I imagine you grow quite close to people in recovery sessions.
by IndianaDP
08 Mar 2023, 20:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: In Lieu of a Pretext
Replies: 4
Views: 2180

In Lieu of a Pretext

An inopportune boy runs away, gets pushed to the ground where he’s taunted and beaten. An old lady sits with her crossword, says ‘hate’ is a four letter word meaning ‘have it in for.’ Her husband is senile but when he was young he trained shepherd dogs to recognize death and find fallen soldiers. Ci...
by IndianaDP
08 Mar 2023, 20:03
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Access
Replies: 2
Views: 1733

Re: Access

I can relate, technology’s purpose is to make you feel stupid.
I had to glean through my notebooks to find my name and password
just to be able to post here again.
by IndianaDP
08 Mar 2023, 19:59
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: In The Name of The King
Replies: 7
Views: 3233

Re: In The Name of The King

A great walk through history, interesting details, I like it all.
Sad how we destroy other people in the name of a King.
by IndianaDP
08 Mar 2023, 19:53
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: A-Muse
Replies: 5
Views: 2607

Re: A-Muse

Love it Billy, and of course they are saving the best for themselves.
by IndianaDP
08 Mar 2023, 19:50
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: How You Met Your Wife
Replies: 9
Views: 3259

Re: How You Met Your Wife

In the final stanza I would simply say, ‘that night you met her in a bar,’ the title already says it’s his future wife.

Love the poem, and a cowboy bar always gets my attention.
by IndianaDP
20 Jan 2019, 01:08
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Poems that placed in the November IBPC 2018 (Congrats Ken)
Replies: 10
Views: 23613

Re: Poems that placed in the November IBPC 2018 (Congrats Ken)

Congratulations Ken, great poem, your the IBPC master.
by IndianaDP
18 Jan 2019, 20:01
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Pongal
Replies: 8
Views: 16216

Re: Pongal

Great writing, lovely descriptions. IMO, I would rephrase S1 and S2 to eliminate the word ‘pongal’ I see this in the title, if I need help knowing it’s a festival perhaps title, ‘the festival of pongal, otherwise the first stanza reads like a definition. Perhaps start, ‘ We rejoice with gratitude, a...
by IndianaDP
15 Jan 2019, 23:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Het Gele Huis
Replies: 10
Views: 18078

Re: Het Gele Huis - edit 2

I get a bit confused towards the end, does the narrator see himself as the landlord for the shop owners? If so, when he says ‘my customers’ they are his because they enable the shop keepers to pay rent?
by IndianaDP
03 Jan 2019, 18:36
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming January IBPC 2019:
Replies: 15
Views: 33163

Re: Upcoming January IBPC 2019:

1/Dale Patterson 2/dalepatterson@comcast.com 3/the poem is mine 4/and is an unpublished work 5/and that I am not representing in the current IBPC Fusions Prussian Blue street, headlights, horns, stiletto heels clipping down stairs to a small basement club where pink neon shapes a mood we fall into, ...
by IndianaDP
01 Jan 2019, 16:59
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming January IBPC 2019:
Replies: 15
Views: 33163

Re: Upcoming January IBPC 2019:

I nominate-

Bob’s Renaming Constellations
Sivas’s Appa Took Me...
Michael’s Celebrating a 53rd Anniversary
by IndianaDP
29 Dec 2018, 20:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Wedding Of The Year
Replies: 10
Views: 17387

Re: Wedding Of The Year

Great subject, well written. I agree with Bob concerning the final lines.
by IndianaDP
29 Dec 2018, 20:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Fusions
Replies: 6
Views: 13857

Re: Fusions

Thanks Bob.

Thanks Capricorn, you have me thinking about the ‘And’

Thanks Siva, I’ll think some on the title.