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by Kenneth2816
10 Aug 2017, 07:59
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Gospel For Sons 13 and Over
Replies: 5
Views: 3700

Gospel For Sons 13 and Over

Only dirty girls do it, legs open wide as the prophet's parted sea. They'll suck you in, boy, just like Samson, leave you chained to a pillar with your eyes put out, you'll see. They wipe their mouths with the back of one hand and laugh. The Devil drives a shiny red car, wears a, suit. Struts around...
by Kenneth2816
09 Oct 2016, 11:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Psalms For The Drowned
Replies: 13
Views: 7546

Re: Psalms For The Drowned

Thank you Frank and Siva. The piem hinges in thr fact the boy knows the mother did not drown.I tried to telegraph that, but may have failed.
by Kenneth2816
07 Oct 2016, 01:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Signs Of A Genius.
Replies: 3
Views: 3173

Re: The Signs Of A Genius.

This is a poem that obviously has special significance to the wtiter.How to transfer that to the reader? The old saw about "show don't tell" comes to mind."She swings her head,sways her hands,etc" is an example of "telling". The use of new language which is active or includes imagery allows the read...
by Kenneth2816
07 Oct 2016, 01:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Psalms For The Drowned
Replies: 13
Views: 7546

Re: Psalms For The Drowned

I dont know Billy. Maybe you're the kind of poet who falls in loven with everything he writes. Not so with me. I'm looking for critique and feedback. I've never been satisfied with this poem.
by Kenneth2816
06 Oct 2016, 19:50
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Psalms For The Drowned
Replies: 13
Views: 7546

Re: Psalms For The Drowned

I dont know how
by Kenneth2816
06 Oct 2016, 19:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Psalms For The Drowned
Replies: 13
Views: 7546

Psalms For The Drowned

Whenever someone came up missing in our town, folks were quick to blame the river. The men would load up whiskey and grappling hooks into jonh boats, drag that stretch from Looking Glass Creek to the spillway where a man could roil a week and not be found. They'd swing laterns, plod the banks with p...
by Kenneth2816
06 Oct 2016, 18:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Black Moon
Replies: 6
Views: 4417

Re: Black Moon

Billy.I like the disembodied tone.I'd submit that darkness and shadows is redundant.I'm confused by the Interejection of emotions and lies. I might suggest you change the tense from waiting to wait as it's more immediate. Also, I think two descriptions instead of three: face obscured, hands on pocke...
by Kenneth2816
03 Oct 2016, 15:23
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Grandmother's Avvakai
Replies: 24
Views: 12472

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

It's a great piece
by Kenneth2816
03 Oct 2016, 15:23
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Grandmother's Avvakai
Replies: 24
Views: 12472

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

It's a great piece
by Kenneth2816
03 Oct 2016, 07:59
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Grandmother's Avvakai
Replies: 24
Views: 12472

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

This is one of the best revisions I've ever seen.
by Kenneth2816
28 Sep 2016, 01:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Grandmother's Avvakai
Replies: 24
Views: 12472

Re: Grandmother’s Pickles

Siva there is an amazing poem in here.In my opinion, there is some missed opportunity with the way it's structured. ...a smell that can send me into nostalgia even now...I get that, but the word nostalgia is very open ended.It's fine Iif you're merely describing, but your poem is both regional and f...
by Kenneth2816
27 Sep 2016, 16:07
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Overworld
Replies: 1
Views: 2364

Overworld

You said I was your last Hades but my Greek was poor, then settled into an empty tub, knees bent hands folded just so porcelain skin mottled with blotches of liviidity until the light faded like the last bright dot in a starless Van Gogh night. But you are safe now, from the ravages of cruel gods an...
by Kenneth2816
27 Sep 2016, 15:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Removed for Submissions
Replies: 2
Views: 2578

Re: Moriah

I like biblical poems.To my ear, phrases like "whisper of doubt" and "window of light" tend a bit to cliche and disallow a chance to set this piece off. I'm not sure cryptocrystalline adds anything, but it sounds neat. I'd consider the God who laughs instead of He. This is a fairly straightforward t...
by Kenneth2816
27 Sep 2016, 15:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: 9-15-2001   (a song of experience)
Replies: 3
Views: 3443

Re: 9-15-2001   (a song of experience)

I like the compression.I like the combination of mental pictures coupled with the emotion this evokes. I might suggest changing son to boy, and father to daddy. A kid like that prolly would not use the more formal term. I like how you DONT include to whom the boy is speaking. This allows the kids an...

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