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by SivaRamanathan
04 Mar 2020, 22:12
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Athenaeum
Replies: 1
Views: 3251

The Athenaeum

V2 Outside the library of Alexandria gaping with a not- so-open mouth more wonderful than the pyramids, more shapely than the sphinx magnificent knowledge bank a dream in concrete, an architect's poetry. Zaharaa says ,''look, this great marvel will take us one half day just to go around the circumfe...
by SivaRamanathan
04 Mar 2020, 21:45
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:
Replies: 9
Views: 4833

Re: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:

Eira

I withdraw Paperfall,this month as I am already representing another board.

Thank you
Siva Ramanathan
by SivaRamanathan
04 Mar 2020, 20:25
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:
Replies: 14
Views: 5379

Re: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:

Dear Michael

Please tell me if I am representing the Writer's Block for February. If so,I would like to withdraw the poem.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Regards
Siva Ramanathan
by SivaRamanathan
01 Mar 2020, 21:58
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: (Reworked)Paperfall
Replies: 4
Views: 3579

Re: Paperfall

B

I will hink about it when my head is clear.
Thanks
S
by SivaRamanathan
01 Mar 2020, 20:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: (Reworked)Paperfall
Replies: 4
Views: 3579

Re: Paperfall

Bob

I retained my original version.Is this any better?

S
by SivaRamanathan
29 Feb 2020, 21:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: (Reworked)Paperfall
Replies: 4
Views: 3579

(Reworked)Paperfall

V4 Paperfall (Reworked) 1 The speed of the falling paper cascades in an arc. The Japanese girl shredding A4 paper is speechless. Her performance of white cataract matching her fluffy gown. 11 Lady! Looking so intense steadfast with scissors amplified sound that paperflows and pyramids as a cone, on ...
by SivaRamanathan
24 Feb 2020, 21:52
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Boys of Summer
Replies: 7
Views: 4139

Re: Boys of Summer

Bob

Your revision gives propulsion to the poem.


I also want to tell you I enjoyed reading it.Now,all the more,after you revision, I will use the present tense and say,I enjoy reading it.

S
by SivaRamanathan
24 Feb 2020, 21:52
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Boys of Summer
Replies: 7
Views: 4139

Re: Boys of Summer

Bob

Your revision gives propulsion to the poem.


I also want to tell you I enjoyed reading it.Now,all the more,after you revision, I will use the present tense and say,I enjoy reading it.

S
by SivaRamanathan
22 Feb 2020, 20:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Boys of Summer
Replies: 7
Views: 4139

Re: Boys of Summer

Bob I like the way you begin and take the poem forward. But the way you end invokes self pity,you can do without. My father didn't show up at the station to say goodbye. Is a 'douche of cold water on the face.'Avoid the 'if ' questions of self doubt. But keep the last two lines. Even at ten I knew t...
by SivaRamanathan
18 Feb 2020, 20:58
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man on Moon
Replies: 8
Views: 4215

Re: Man on Moon

To 'discover' is like 'creation' itself, a whole world out there,inviting.
Compared to this,'shared' is a milk and water word,it does not 'vibrate.'
by SivaRamanathan
17 Feb 2020, 20:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man on Moon
Replies: 8
Views: 4215

Re: Man on Moon

Bob

This time also,I missed the first draft.

Siva
by SivaRamanathan
17 Feb 2020, 20:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur
Replies: 4
Views: 3366

Re: Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur

I thought I was going to drown. But the train kept going over the track. 2 tmcft water was released at Mettur Dam, February 6th, 8 pm to save the standing crops from drying up. I hear the heavy heaving sound of sand-stealers. Every government needs its TASMAC and sand business. They keep their oxen ...
by SivaRamanathan
11 Feb 2020, 22:28
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur
Replies: 4
Views: 3366

Re: Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur

Bob
I will work on it tomorrow .Thanks
S
by SivaRamanathan
10 Feb 2020, 23:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur
Replies: 4
Views: 3366

Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur

I thought I was going to be submerged and dead. But the train kept going over track. 2 tmcft water was released at Mettur Dam, February 6th 8 pm, to save the standing crops from drying up. I see the sun rise, hear the heavy heaving sound of sand-stealers. Every government needs its TASMAC and sand b...
by SivaRamanathan
07 Feb 2020, 18:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: So
Replies: 3
Views: 2842

Re: So

Bob

Even in the West this has been proven by Dr. Brian Weiss and Edgar Casey--The Many Mansions. However I am not into all this. This is what I overheard--a little bit and then I made it up.

Siva
by SivaRamanathan
06 Feb 2020, 23:38
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: So
Replies: 3
Views: 2842

Re: So

Thanks Bob.

I will have to think when my mind is receptive,and I feel your argument holds good.Yet I wrote this only to illuminate the second stanza.Maybe I will discuss the subject with a few people before coming to some conclusion.

Siva
by SivaRamanathan
05 Feb 2020, 22:12
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: So
Replies: 3
Views: 2842

So

so it is we who choose what we want to be born as we who choose when and where we who choose in which family and through whom. so even though my horoscope may match with your brother's if we had to finish off some fight, we will be quarrelling spouses or fighting sisters, or bitching enemies, and we...
by SivaRamanathan
04 Feb 2020, 20:27
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:
Replies: 14
Views: 5379

Re: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:

Michael
Please note that I just now changed these two lines--

When a bicycle was brought down from the train,
a man pedalled in circles making her head spin,

Thank you and sorry for the inconvenience.

Siva
by SivaRamanathan
03 Feb 2020, 09:58
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Darker Side of Watermelons
Replies: 6
Views: 3581

Re: The Darker Side of Watermelons

The Darker Side of Watermelons Rows of watermelons dozed in bins ------------- newborns (nestled) (curled up) but days later they came crashing down. Witnesses leaped back as the watermelons made a left turn down a sloping road. We followed as they zigzagged for the beach. One man reported glancing ...
by SivaRamanathan
03 Feb 2020, 09:09
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Darker Side of Watermelons
Replies: 6
Views: 3581

Re: The Darker Side of Watermelons

Bob

This is a surreal poem,half dream-half real and some of the lines are brilliant. Will come to it later in the day.

Siva
by SivaRamanathan
03 Feb 2020, 07:22
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Darker Side of Watermelons
Replies: 6
Views: 3581

Re: The Darker Side of Watermelons

The Darker Side of Watermelons Rows of watermelons dozed in bins {as sweetly as } newborns, (replace with one word) but days later they came crashing down. Witnesses leaped back as the watermelons made a left turn down a sloping road. We followed as they zigzagged for the beach. One man reported gla...
by SivaRamanathan
03 Feb 2020, 07:08
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Darker Side of Watermelons
Replies: 6
Views: 3581

Re: The Darker Side of Watermelons

They were 'like' kids
to
they were kids







they look as harmless as students
on graduation day,

to

They are harmless students
on graduation day
by SivaRamanathan
03 Feb 2020, 07:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Darker Side of Watermelons
Replies: 6
Views: 3581

Re: The Darker Side of Watermelons

Bob Everything is fine except the 'sweetly',which sounds cloyed. Do newborns sleep sweetly? Surely you can replace it with another word that comes to that effect. Also avoid 'as' ---'-as. with one word and not two words. 'Dash newborns',not dash dash newborns. They were 'like' kids to they were kids...
by SivaRamanathan
02 Feb 2020, 20:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Nestling (rev2)
Replies: 9
Views: 4647

Re: The Nestling (rev2)

Eira

I seconded.I thought it was understood. Wish you all the best.Though I did not comment I have been following your revisions,which is a good exercise.

Siva
by SivaRamanathan
02 Feb 2020, 07:38
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:
Replies: 14
Views: 5379

Re: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:

Michael

I second Eira's poem,'The Nestling'.


PS
Eira,I wondered what was taking you so long to post your poem -I thought it was understood.

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