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by SivaRamanathan
06 Sep 2012, 22:40
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Our 2 IBPC-bound for September 2012:
Replies: 6
Views: 6584

Re: Our 2 IBPC-bound for September 2012:

I do not have any other poem representing another house,this month.This is my poem, and it is unpublished.I am Sivakami Velliangiri,and my e-mail id is sivakamivelliangiri@gmail.com The Cathartic Effect Of A Butoh Dancer Atsushi Takenouchi unwinds slowly like a robot keyed up let loose on a spring. ...
by SivaRamanathan
05 Sep 2012, 21:01
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Train At Three Levels
Replies: 1
Views: 3591

Train At Three Levels

Edit-5 Train At Three Levels the first 'thrain' lisped from your stories, how as a child you enlarged two anna coins on the tracks with the weight of the Salem Express then tossed into the pulp of the Cauvery for the peace of your ancestors; the poet in me borrowed it and I made it all mine as a you...
by SivaRamanathan
02 Sep 2012, 07:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: "triad"
Replies: 1
Views: 3223

Re: "triad"

Michael
I like this version better than the previous one. I think you are experimenting with new styles.Beyond that I am not able to suggest any
variations.
by SivaRamanathan
28 Aug 2012, 12:03
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Baying at the Moon edit 2
Replies: 10
Views: 8919

Re: Baying at the Moon edit 2

Frank This whole chunk reads very prosaic. If you do not want to work on it please post another poem. At one time in the British prison system Governors and planners Arranged their prisons so that prisoners were seperated throughout the day and night. This system brought peace there were no fights, ...
by SivaRamanathan
27 Aug 2012, 14:07
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Poems that placed for IBPC July 2012: (Congrats! Siva)
Replies: 1
Views: 6459

Re: Poems that placed for IBPC July 2012: (Congrats! Siva)

My thanks are due to Frank Dyer for his first interest,, though the final edit is Yoly’s. Michael for having faith in the poem and recommending it. I also applaud the warm camaraderie in the groups and feel good to have so many poet friends. My Thanks are also due to: Right from Cassky, Alison, Mar(...
by SivaRamanathan
16 Aug 2012, 06:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Baying at the Moon edit 2
Replies: 10
Views: 8919

Re: Baying at the Moon edit 1

Frank
I am merely trying to push this up,meaning raise it to the top of the forum.

The burned Joan didn't they(They burnt Joan,didn't they?
by SivaRamanathan
15 Aug 2012, 09:30
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Sky Blue Convent Uniform
Replies: 2
Views: 5450

Re: The Sky Blue Convent Uniform

Frank
Thanks for reading.

they dragged me inside,
congratulating unnecessarily.
Look at the me in the previous line; one ‘me’ is enough.

on a tainted skirt.
I have used this in a general sense.

Amma I have used the capital and italicized
by SivaRamanathan
14 Aug 2012, 20:09
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Sky Blue Convent Uniform
Replies: 2
Views: 5450

The Sky Blue Convent Uniform

Edit-3 The Sky Blue Convent Uniform One evening I was playing, running between trees when Amma came up with a rolled ball of my pinafore and a hoard of relatives walking behind saying, `'Yes yes, it is the sure thing, your daughter has rained a shower of flowers.' And the women dragged me inside, co...
by SivaRamanathan
14 Aug 2012, 17:26
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Red Murder
Replies: 2
Views: 4005

Re: Red Murder

Yoly
I have a better poem than this.I will find it for you.
by SivaRamanathan
14 Aug 2012, 17:25
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Now My Brothers Office Room
Replies: 3
Views: 4463

Re: Now My Brothers Office Room

Yoly
I wish you would say something on the craft of the poem. I wrote it in one go,but Frank has put it into couplets.
I do not know how many poems I can post in this forum in a week. I wish I could post a few more.
by SivaRamanathan
14 Aug 2012, 17:13
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Symptomatic
Replies: 24
Views: 17035

Re: Symptomatic

Yoly
It is what my manuscript is about.It has to become a book of poems.
Thanks.
by SivaRamanathan
13 Aug 2012, 19:09
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Baying at the Moon edit 2
Replies: 10
Views: 8919

Re: Baying at the Moon edit 1

Frank
The whole 'poem' is very prosaic.There are snatches of poetry here and there. You are not inside the soul of the poem.It sounds like reportage.
Please don't give up trying.I have not even kept a copy of the original poem so I do not know where you have edited.
by SivaRamanathan
13 Aug 2012, 09:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Baying at the Moon edit 2
Replies: 10
Views: 8919

Re: Baying at the Moon edit 1

Frank Please don't misunderstand.This poem has potential.Just don't give up on the editing. I consider the poem ready for publication. I know when a poem is ready for nomination.At least I know when a poem is a poem, and this just isn't. The second part reads like this At one time in the British pri...
by SivaRamanathan
12 Aug 2012, 20:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Baying at the Moon edit 2
Replies: 10
Views: 8919

Re: Baying at the Moon edit 1

I wondered if this poem is good enugh to go forward for the next IB thing? Frank Why would you want that? It is but at the larva stage.This poem has to not merely grow, but transform itself, before it can sprout wings and fly. When we write a poem we do it out of sheer necessity,because the words wi...
by SivaRamanathan
11 Aug 2012, 19:53
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Baying at the Moon edit 2
Replies: 10
Views: 8919

Re: Baying at the Moon

Frank Forgive me for this nonsense,but I could not resist. Better riots than a thousand howling madmen baying at the moon; They burned Joan, didn't they hung her out on her own gibbet, long ago didn't they? I assumed that each was in his own cell grinning from his own pigeon hole going about with hi...
by SivaRamanathan
10 Aug 2012, 05:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Baying at the Moon edit 2
Replies: 10
Views: 8919

Re: Baying at the Moon

Frank
read this through.But it needs more readings.

Most of the inmates had
bec(o)[a]me raving lunatics.

The last couplet fascinates me.What a nice way it would be, if you began with those lines.
by SivaRamanathan
10 Aug 2012, 03:23
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Dry Dock Road - edit 1
Replies: 5
Views: 5943

Re: The Dry Dock Road - edit 1

Frank
I am thinking.As a long narrative poem we are led into the story.But if you looking for impact then a shorter version of this would hit the reader,pat.
by SivaRamanathan
09 Aug 2012, 10:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Dry Dock Road - edit 1
Replies: 5
Views: 5943

Re: The Dry Dock Road

Frank
I think a re-ordering of the stanzas will be able to bring out the pathos.To begin with the flames that lick ,and then to carry the story forward will make it more involving.
by SivaRamanathan
09 Aug 2012, 05:32
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Incident At Spaces
Replies: 2
Views: 5202

Re: Incident At Spaces

Frank
Thanks for the work-shopping.
by SivaRamanathan
08 Aug 2012, 19:44
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Dry Dock Road - edit 1
Replies: 5
Views: 5943

Re: The Dry Dock Road

(Once) (a)Again I’m cycling the Dry Dock Road[.] (t)The alarm rattles in its tin creating bedlam for a moment in the darkness Dispair(despair) at the early call longing to stay in the warm I dress hurridly in the damp air(,) make Nescafe in a flask, add sugar [and] heave Dad's home-guard haversack ...
by SivaRamanathan
08 Aug 2012, 06:05
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Incident At Spaces
Replies: 2
Views: 5202

Incident At Spaces

Atsushi Takenouchi unwinds slowly like a robot keyed up let loose on a spring. I tried counting his ribs outside his ribcage. One could have drawn a skeletal diagram. I could hear the blood course up and down his spine along with the contraction of muscles in his chest— like a kavadi carrier poking ...
by SivaRamanathan
07 Aug 2012, 10:23
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Dry Dock Road - edit 1
Replies: 5
Views: 5943

Re: The Dry Dock Road

Frank
I have been reading this and I need to read this more to be able to comment.


Siva
by SivaRamanathan
07 Aug 2012, 09:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: on reading Hemingway's the garden of eden
Replies: 3
Views: 3905

Re: on reading Hemingway's the garden of eden

"The bull wasn't doing anyone any harm and now we've tracked him to where he came to see his dead friend and now were going to kill him."-(E)ernest (H)hemingway when I started reading more of the garden of (E)eden [the next day,]I thought all sadness was driven deep inside of my lungs; [and] all tha...
by SivaRamanathan
07 Aug 2012, 05:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: 'No Place To Sleep, No Place To Call Our Own'
Replies: 17
Views: 8919

Re: 'No Place To Seep, No Place To Call Our Own'.

'no place to sleep, no place to call our own'. Our dead ancestors, once lay buried on the banks of the Cauvery, stretched out, sandwiched between holy ash Bilva leaves and rock salt; we pushed in mud and powdered brick thrice into the pit our backs turned, not looking. Why wait a year to lay out the...

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