Search found 777 matches

by Bernie01
06 Jun 2018, 22:19
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: A Daguerreotype of Edgar Allan Poe, 1849 -- revised
Replies: 26
Views: 4201

Re: A Daguerreotype of Edgar Allan Poe, 1849 -- revised

Bob--- you have plenty poem....easier to cut down, than build up. no telling. and i avoid journalism. v3: A Daguerreotype of Edgar Allan Poe, 1849 He was the boy in his dying mother's room, the bedside's quivering candle. He was that candle all his days, a restless flame, faltering . is his mother ...
by Bernie01
06 Jun 2018, 21:46
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man Smoking Cigarette at the Beach
Replies: 8
Views: 1690

Re: Man Smoking Cigarette at the Beach

Bob--- hope the revision makes the close more immediate and natural. thanks for your comment. M--- yes, saving the word solitary for the close. made that change. i imagine the lines in italics as being centered. you wrote: He feels the surf slink against his bare feet and purring Like a small pet. ...
by Bernie01
05 Jun 2018, 01:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man Smoking Cigarette at the Beach
Replies: 8
Views: 1690

Man Smoking Cigarette at the Beach

Revision (2) And now sad to say it is too short we are left wanting prose....Frank OK, Frank, here's more...bernie Burrows of wind push his cigarette smoke up to ocean cliff diners gathered to parse grilled mussel. They order bass under rippled umbrellas and flags from catch of the day specials. A ...
by Bernie01
03 Jun 2018, 20:28
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Trunk Call
Replies: 5
Views: 1162

Re: Alone in an Hotel Room When the Telephone Rings

Frank--- jittery with creative fervor. existential anguish. this hotel parked just outside hell. A warm wet wind washes the hotel forecourt, condappana palms sway in Old Bombay; (fantastic) these visions... ...lithe dresses on a line. ...medals from an unmentionable age. ...Droplets splatter the gu...
by Bernie01
02 Jun 2018, 22:49
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Girl With Peacock Wings In Blue Dusk Over Kobe.
Replies: 1
Views: 762

Girl With Peacock Wings In Blue Dusk Over Kobe.

Poetry Kanto is fascinated by the title of my new novel and creates an image: Blue the color of ocean water after passage of a Caribbean ship. Kyoto graduate students summarize the book: Wooden sidewalks, flimsy buildings blowing away and the old cowboy who would never again ride the fading edge of...
by Bernie01
01 Jun 2018, 23:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Operetta Hero
Replies: 8
Views: 1519

Re: Operetta Hero

Ken---

my shortcoming....




Bob---

a new type pom for me....fun!



Dale---


oh yes...men lounging in white boxers...


bernie
by Bernie01
01 Jun 2018, 23:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Operetta Hero
Replies: 8
Views: 1519

Re: Operetta Hero

Frank--- dumped the extra use of that word, hero . this pom, an experiment. thanks for singing along. this line interests me deeply... ' Peaceful Palestinian in Gaza.' political...can it be poetic?....no idea just now, but thinking. by the way, here is the L A V A commercial that started it all on ...
by Bernie01
01 Jun 2018, 00:28
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Shady Lane
Replies: 5
Views: 1138

Re: Shady Lane

I:---- maintained tone, wonderful. so original this comment: The night shift is deep in ganister rock. and this reference: ...scrubbed clean with green Lava and watching TV. very much liked this image: A man in white boxers steps onto his porch, leans to the dark like a factory watchman and the soun...
by Bernie01
01 Jun 2018, 00:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Operetta Hero
Replies: 8
Views: 1519

Re: Operetta Hero

I--- much thanks for your comment. because i talk fast, enjoy telling stories....i had to take myself in hand as my beloved daughter came along...she was content sharing a movie, a live folk music presentation, a walk through a gallery without making critical comments....i learned to not ask did you...
by Bernie01
30 May 2018, 22:25
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Marielitos
Replies: 7
Views: 1450

Re: Marielitos

Ken--- mas journalism, less poms. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuba_under_Fidel_Castro "... He additionally forbade further foreign land-ownership. Large land-holdings were broken up and redistributed; an estimated 200,000 peasants received title deeds. To Castro, this was an important step that b...
by Bernie01
30 May 2018, 21:38
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Operetta Hero
Replies: 8
Views: 1519

Operetta Hero

Sorry not to be your hero, White shoes and dickie Like your grandfather, Steadfast Gibraltar, A left Bank Notre Dame, Landing lights always on, Your Don Juan in spats. Listening when you speak, Standing room only Rave reviews, Cheering your encore With my front row ticket; A Lothario as the curtain ...
by Bernie01
27 May 2018, 18:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sunday in Golden Gate Park
Replies: 6
Views: 1371

Re: Sunday in Golden Gate Park

Bob--- terrific. atmospheric and yet built on details and stark, clear images... that lost book, especially those pigeons, the spent coins at the end... just those plurals at the end: my hopes are coins tossed weeks ago. (You will remember the hit tune and movie, three coins in the fountain... http...
by Bernie01
25 May 2018, 05:32
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Epithalamion for my Dead Grandparents
Replies: 12
Views: 1587

Re: Epithalamion for my Dead Grandparents

B0B



love the revision, especially the added sequence that allows the narrator to directly interact with the grandparents.


palme d'or.



bernie
by Bernie01
24 May 2018, 21:46
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Epithalamion for my Dead Grandparents
Replies: 12
Views: 1587

Re: Epithalamion for my Dead Grandparents

Bob--- wondering... less birds...a little more detail about the deceased couple featured by the pom.... maybe the development of another key image---like the birds. I like what Seidel did with the bird image....: “At her old apartment at 12, Rue de Seine/We lived like hummingbirds on nectar and oxy...
by Bernie01
24 May 2018, 21:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Castro"s Cst
Replies: 9
Views: 1333

Re: Castro"s Cst

Ken---


rave review from my end of the known universe.

love this line:


On Friday Abakuá lined up, old men skin black as Bibles, their belief a mix of Catholic and Santeria.


bernie
by Bernie01
23 May 2018, 21:53
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Epithalamion for my Dead Grandparents
Replies: 12
Views: 1587

Re: Epithalamion for my Dead Grandparents

Ken--- OK, let's examine Bob's challenge...for a palme d'or ...more exceptionalism. but only i see minor edits right now. At their wedding reception in their small house would like to avoid the quick repeat of their . At their wedding reception they hung a cage of warbling wrens. is it necessary to...
by Bernie01
23 May 2018, 07:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ja Da*
Replies: 4
Views: 957

Re: Ja Da*

Bob and Ken oh, deep thanks. ja da.....yes, i associate that and this poem with fitzgerald...one of my literary heroes. that final image with goldfish teeth---their teeth are not like ours, deep in the throat---more like small ridges---but i like the gentleness i feel in a goldfish, the royal color....
by Bernie01
22 May 2018, 22:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Epithalamion for my Dead Grandparents
Replies: 12
Views: 1587

Re: Epithalamion for my Dead Grandparents

Bob---


great concept, development and climax. a poetry seminar.


bernie


Seidel:

...an unabashedly romantic interlude in Paris with Von Furstenberg:

“At her old apartment at 12, Rue de Seine/We lived like hummingbirds on nectar and oxygen.”
by Bernie01
22 May 2018, 21:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Stargate
Replies: 2
Views: 613

Stargate

Dark when you kiss my eyes,
but I can see lightning
staggering in a sky corner,
I notice rocket ships fast
in the fox constellation
driving to a greater cosmos,
a moon full of bougainvillea
stares without speaking.
by Bernie01
22 May 2018, 00:30
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ja Da*
Replies: 4
Views: 957

Re: Ja Da*

The port city cheek and jowl along the cordillera, beside the grimy harbor, guests in white shoes, face powder and pomade deep as black purple. A lawn party years ago. The scented breeze, maybe posies arranged in a floral bouquet. Voices over an emerald pool, a line of Adirondack chairs; the barkeep...
by Bernie01
20 May 2018, 20:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ja Da*
Replies: 4
Views: 957

Ja Da*

The port city cheek and jowl along the cordillera, beside the grimy harbor, guests in white shoes, face powder and pomade deep as black purple. A lawn party seven years ago. The scented breeze, i look back, maybe posies drying on a tray. Voices across the emerald pool and a line of Adirondack chairs...
by Bernie01
20 May 2018, 19:50
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Poem in Exile in the Fashion of Neruda
Replies: 11
Views: 1841

Re: Poem in Exile in the Fashion of Neruda

refreshing my memory.... The 1952 Coup Batista had a great deal of support. Many of his former cronies in the military had been weeded out or passed over for promotion in the years since Batista had left: it is suspected that many of these officers may have gone ahead with the takeover even if they ...
by Bernie01
19 May 2018, 21:58
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Dear Miss Meghan
Replies: 5
Views: 1064

Re: Dear Miss Meghan

Frank---


condescending and dumb---time someone broke the bad news to her and never too late to grow up.


bernie
by Bernie01
19 May 2018, 20:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Poem in Exile in the Fashion of Neruda
Replies: 11
Views: 1841

Re: Poem in Exile in the Fashion of Neruda

K--- these lines are terrific: I remember old women washing clothes at Malecon, using soap made from pan grease and lye. They beat the rocks with their laundry as if extracting confessions, stretch them on the seawall to dry. not crazy about this: Do not unkiss me, my Cuba though I left you like a l...
by Bernie01
19 May 2018, 20:42
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Dear Miss Meghan
Replies: 5
Views: 1064

Re: Dear Miss Meghan

Frank---


so, who is this speaker to offer such unasked advice?



bernie

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