New York Pitch Conference Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, and Poetry Forums

Frank---


just for fun, here's Getting Drunk On a Plane....


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrM39m22jH4



a narrative story....

bernie

The Married Life All the sex and beauty I want. Hot shot. Wise Guy. Lucky duck, you could say. Strawberries in sun. The wife pins me with awards, ribbons like generals in Panama. I'm president in my own little burg. She draws me naked, her feet sweet as paid nights with a geisha. Heavy birds fly-in...

L--- california greetings. a clear, fast moving narrative with a heart tug at the end. I think of Hemingway's short story, My Old Man. a boy (Joe) tells us about the father he idolized. on the final page, the father (Butler) is killed when his race horse falls on him. a friend named Gardner takes Jo...

M--- this last comment and then i will shut up. how to make the fire real for the reader, i want to smell the smoke, feel the heat. details, perhaps: a homeless cat with his fur singed up to look like a wire brush. a wire frame used to model silks, now melted and heaped in the ashes. ancient storage...

Leuan--- mighty big thanks for your vote here. especially since you affirm the new verse---yeah that and should go the way of high button shoes. i champion rewriting for others here and especially for me. one great value of our Forum is the opportunity to compose for fellow writers as we journey eac...

S--- sorry, i posted an old IBPC poem with a new last verse: Ramadan by Bernard Henrie The Waters First Place, July 2015 Judged by C. Wade Bentley They shot a naked man howling in a barricaded house. He clipped his lawn into the night skilled as a doctor on graveyard shift putting in stitches. But I...

M--- you bet. but a burned down shop? a threat to a local environment? let me know that in the pom...yes? follow a patron narrowly escaping... or follow a rising column of smoke... something, some detail or series of details to make this concrete, real. here is an old pom of mine, a tragedy i think....

M--- not following the pom. plenty of word play, but to what end? suggest focus, compression. I suggest opening shock, arresting statement. Naked under my new silk saree, waiting to burn for a husband. The crimson red hot eyes watch, wait with hunger for a bridal night. Breaks out bright before dawn...

Bharata Advent


withdrawn

wrong post

error please disregard

Bob---

will experiment and remove that line about grammar---in my mind it related to the remarke about a villanelle.



M---only one line you didn't like? i got off lightly.


thanks to you both for your time and comments.


bernie

H---


good idea, i'll develop that POV.

thanks for your time and comment.


bernie

Bob: 5 stars for finding playful and wistful new subject matter for a poem. the poem helped me reconvene my drifting memories of the lady i remember as being King Kong's best friend. and in her voice, just great. First person added to the immediacy and intimacy. and this favorite line: in a dress th...

I nominate Frank's Frosted Garden for the June IBPC, 2017.


Bernie Henrie

FRANK--- Palme d'Or----i'm crazy hot for this pom of yours. Frost has struck and the garden rests in a white dust, the lily frond has withstood the worst and the cotoneaster has dropped its leaves. A robin pecks at blackened berries. frost has struck- --i enjoy the action of those opening words. and...

Bernard Henrie mojave216bernard@aol.com Original poem and unpublished Not representing any other Forum. Autobiography Trace of Macchiato carelessly strung over the cherry lip of my wife's mouth. To fool me, you need more than a milk moustache. Hot shower water steeps in blank circling puddles, the t...

Frank:

my goodness, thanks for that high praise.


Siva:

and a IBPC nod, i'm in an earthly heaven.


Michael:

will continue to review the close, for now, big thanks and yes to the IBPC nom.



bernie

Autobiography Trace of Macchiato carelessly strung over the cherry lip of my wife's mouth. To fool me, you need more than a milk moustache. Shower water circles the tub, a glazed spell colors her ballerina foot, naked buttocks drape like grammar in a poem. I forget the rhyme scheme of my villanelle...

hey Frank... pretty heavy, the hym. https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-avast-001&hsimp=yhs-001&hspart=avast&p=o+thou+who+hast+redeemed+of+old#id=1&vid=160e8d23ef11a2c5afd7e7592824c091&action=click felt the need for compression and focus in this otherwise ambitious and exciting poem. Se...

S... Madras. yup. i think of Samina Ali's novel, Madras on Rainy Days. feeling, emotional tone just for asking....you see what i mean. she uses Hyderabad---your choice, but I'm just saying such references help ground a creative work.... i hope i'm clear, you have a very creative poem flowing here, i...

S--- love the subject, the free base roll, the imagination... like bob, not crazy about "waterfall." maybe the word "skein"? as a thin layer of skin forms a skein / waterfall over the eyes of the babe in the womb and I am born with a cataract, but none suspects till….. maybe, and i am born eyeless i...

Siva---


wonderful movement, literal images and culminating in wonder. great job.


bernie

bob....

so nice, just wonderful. no monkey editing from me.

bernie

Bob... do i feel a need for a little roughness? the opening---avoiding that "like" word. They chase each other like kids on a playground, Chasing friendly and bravely at whir. this is enough chip for me: chip-chip- chip dripping from branches where they momentarily rest, banging branches, they rest ...