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by BobBradshaw
05 May 2019, 23:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: 1775, Repulse of The Welsh Fusiliers
Replies: 2
Views: 617

Re: 1775, Repulse of The Welsh Fusiliers

A nice poem..., I like best the period details, as in All night we watched them dig the redoubt and Fortify Bunker Hill, their snipers hid behind hay-cocks. We answered with six pounders. The references to cordwood and hail are too common. It’s a good piece, and has some nice irony, but it lacks the...
by BobBradshaw
05 May 2019, 23:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: For the Love of a Dragonfly
Replies: 3
Views: 741

For the Love of a Dragonfly

For the Love of a Dragonfly Its youth is like a water nymph’s, swimming for years among gardens of submerged plants. You, too, recall your youth in memories of water, learning to float in your daddy’s arms at the Y, sprinting to the end of the pool in team meets in high school. In Japan the dragonfl...
by BobBradshaw
04 May 2019, 20:28
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Along The Sail
Replies: 2
Views: 628

Re: Along The Sail

An intriguing poem, but I don’t know what the “conspiracy” is. If I knew that, I might have a better handle on what is happening. I feel the drama... the tension. Could you tell me what the conspiracy is? Thx, Bob
by BobBradshaw
03 May 2019, 21:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Removed
Replies: 8
Views: 2443

Re: It's not just about one and a Half Degrees Celsius [formerly Incremental]

Much more focused...and a stronger poem. The revision has really helped.
by BobBradshaw
02 May 2019, 21:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Jesus Was...
Replies: 4
Views: 705

Re: Jesus Was...

It's fascinating how you meld the homeless Jesus(hey-soos) with Jesus(jee-sus) characters into one. It's a virtuoso performance, merging attributes they share, or would have. Updating Jerusalem, etc. to modern day and the 1% is a great concept. Here we finally see the Biblical Jesus as someone compl...
by BobBradshaw
02 May 2019, 20:30
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sneha ---"The Little Bird"
Replies: 7
Views: 853

Re: Sneha ---"The Little Bird"

This is good....as I said, there's a nice flow to it...a simplicity that like as well. I like the closing lines, too....but you have a typo...a single quotation mark after scattered....fyi

Bodies lay scattered' badly mutilated
Sneha lies dead.
by BobBradshaw
01 May 2019, 21:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Manet Paints "Berthe Morisot With a Bouquet of Violets"
Replies: 5
Views: 811

Re: Manet Paints "Berthe Morisot With a Bouquet of Violets"

Frank, thanks for the comments.....
Ken, so glad you liked this....Morisot was one of the early impressionists, and exhibited with them frequently. She was highly thought of by all the major impressionists.
by BobBradshaw
01 May 2019, 21:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sneha ---"The Little Bird"
Replies: 7
Views: 853

Re: Sneha ---"The Little Bird"

This revision really improves the flow...I like it: Revision The church bells ring. The congregation begins. Sneha and Lina walk together in smocked frocks. It is Easter - the resurrection of Jesus. St Anthony"s shrine sees large crowd. Men of different faith attend the sermon in harmony. Jessica an...
by BobBradshaw
01 May 2019, 21:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Removed
Replies: 8
Views: 2443

Re: Incremental

There are some nice details in this. A good trimming would help the impact. For example, S3 isn't needed. I would like more focus on the narrator and Em...that is where the emotional heart of this poem is be. The opening stanza is good...I would insert "it's" in the line... "as if it's our last day ...
by BobBradshaw
30 Apr 2019, 01:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Manet Paints "Berthe Morisot With a Bouquet of Violets"
Replies: 5
Views: 811

Manet Paints "Berthe Morisot With a Bouquet of Violets"

Manet Paints "Berthe Morisot With a Bouquet of Violets" Chaperoned by Mother but fidgety I tried to gaze back with calm as he pointed to a seat. A girlish giggle squirmed up in me like a spring about to burst to the surface. My eyes felt large and that’s how Manet captured them--as big dark, adoring...
by BobBradshaw
29 Apr 2019, 21:58
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming May IBPC 2019:
Replies: 16
Views: 1896

Re: Upcoming May IBPC 2019:

I nominate Ken's "Poem for a Mad Son" and Frank's "Rosebud" poems.
by BobBradshaw
29 Apr 2019, 21:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sneha ---"The Little Bird"
Replies: 7
Views: 853

Re: Sneha ---"The Little Bird"

I echo what Frank has said....nice poem
by BobBradshaw
29 Apr 2019, 21:49
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming May IBPC 2019:
Replies: 16
Views: 1896

Re: Upcoming May IBPC 2019:

1/Bob Bradshaw 2/bobbybradshw@yahoo.com 3/the poem is my original 4/and unpublished work 5/and I don't have a poem committed to represent another board in the current IBPC. Quasimodo Taunts are hurled like stones by boys and drunks. I duck many because I'm stone deaf--from ringing bells. People thin...
by BobBradshaw
29 Apr 2019, 21:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Quasimodo
Replies: 17
Views: 2931

Re: Quasimodo

MIchael, thanks...I have put back the original version of those stanzas.
Kenneth -- thanks for the nom...appreciated
by BobBradshaw
28 Apr 2019, 01:07
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: My First Book of Poems has been published.
Replies: 5
Views: 1527

Re: My First Book of Poems has been published.

Yes, congratulations. You have worked hard... good to see you rewarded.
by BobBradshaw
27 Apr 2019, 09:39
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Poem For a Mad Son
Replies: 6
Views: 1046

Re: Poem For a Mad Son

This is so filled with compassion. Gorgeous. A sure winner at the IBPC, though it deserves much better. We're privileged that you display your stunning wares before us.... You set the table beautifully... You sit cross legged like a yogi in my papasan chair.sroking your beard between sips of tea, an...
by BobBradshaw
27 Apr 2019, 07:09
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Splinter In Your Palm
Replies: 5
Views: 1517

Re: Splinter In Your Palm

LOL.... that’s a great line
by BobBradshaw
26 Apr 2019, 20:39
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Not Really About Rooks
Replies: 4
Views: 1322

Re: Not Really About Rooks

I was thinking to put a “be” before glad... good either way
by BobBradshaw
26 Apr 2019, 04:18
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Splinter In Your Palm
Replies: 5
Views: 1517

Splinter In Your Palm

Splinter In Your Palm I am the splinter you carry secretly in your palm, a charm you stroke as if for good luck. I am the two margueritas at the end of the day, but also the blackmail a click away. I am the silence at the end of a phone call, my presence like a perfume your wife can almost sniff thr...
by BobBradshaw
26 Apr 2019, 04:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Not Really About Rooks
Replies: 4
Views: 1322

Re: Not Really About Rooks

This works well... it’s hard not thinking of Ken’s poem, but regardless it makes its way in much the same manner, with as much crow-ness imaginable, leading naturally to the final, effective stanza....

Nitpick: last line should have a “be” in it
by BobBradshaw
21 Apr 2019, 00:02
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Belated April IBPC 2019 thread:
Replies: 22
Views: 3268

Re: Belated April IBPC 2019 thread:

Bees or any of my poems from March are fine... I am not representing anywhere else. email: bobbybradshw@yahoo.com Bees I first worked in the nursery, tenderly stroking my sibling larvae. My next job was to dispose of rubbish, family slumped on the hive's floor. O my dead sisters... "Hurry," I was in...
by BobBradshaw
20 Apr 2019, 07:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Quasimodo
Replies: 17
Views: 2931

Re: Quasimodo

Michael and Frank, please let me know if V3 works better than V2, etc. Best, Bob
by BobBradshaw
20 Apr 2019, 06:34
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Belated April IBPC 2019 thread:
Replies: 22
Views: 3268

Re: Belated April IBPC 2019 thread:

I nominate capricorn’s “ Trysting with Morpheus”, Frank’s “Hospital” and Ken’s “Butterfly Effect”
by BobBradshaw
20 Apr 2019, 06:28
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Quasimodo
Replies: 17
Views: 2931

Re: Quasimodo

Frank, I appreciate your insights and suggestions...I have incorporated some of them. Let me know your thoughts....

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