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by BobBradshaw
13 Jul 2017, 20:45
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Swallows of Capistrano
Replies: 8
Views: 2269

Re: The Swallows of Capistrano

Thanks, Billy, for stopping by and commenting....I always appreciate it.
by BobBradshaw
11 Jul 2017, 21:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Rain Like Pizarro In Peru
Replies: 7
Views: 2109

Re: Rain Like Pizarro In Peru

Yeah, this is good...a lot of good descriptions immerse me in the landscape....the boiling water, the low oxygen, the small scraps of food, the solitary guide....I like the closing even better now, the solitary jaguar following the stanza about the landscape's loss of memory, how we're all forgotten...
by BobBradshaw
11 Jul 2017, 21:08
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Swallows of Capistrano
Replies: 8
Views: 2269

Re: The Swallows of Capistrano

Thanks again, Bernie...appreciate it
by BobBradshaw
10 Jul 2017, 20:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Swallows of Capistrano
Replies: 8
Views: 2269

Re: The Swallows of Capistrano

Thanks, Bernie! That helped. Would you take out the word 'Lonely'?
by BobBradshaw
10 Jul 2017, 03:38
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Carparthian Break
Replies: 2
Views: 1145

Re: Carparthian Break

I like the first 3 stanzas best. I would remove the fourth stanza. The last line is telling.
by BobBradshaw
10 Jul 2017, 03:36
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Rain Like Pizarro In Peru
Replies: 7
Views: 2109

Re: Rain Like Pizarro In Peru

This one didn't grab me emotionally like your other poems....though I like the closing stanza the best.
by BobBradshaw
09 Jul 2017, 22:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Swallows of Capistrano
Replies: 8
Views: 2269

The Swallows of Capistrano

latest version: When the swallows come back to Capistrano That's the day you promised to come back to me   --from Leon Rene's song 'When the Swallows Come Back to Me' The Swallows of Capistrano The swallows darken the sky, flying to their nests   in the high niches and under the eaves of this stone ...
by BobBradshaw
08 Jul 2017, 21:00
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: 'No Place To Sleep, No Place To Call Our Own'
Replies: 17
Views: 5899

Re: 'No Place To Sleep, No Place To Call Our Own'

This is very good, Siva...one of your best, with a strong, at times wistful voice. Frank has mentioned the high points, but I just wish to reemphasize how good this poem is. We're immersed in another place and view, which is always fun. I like how the poem closes as well. Polish the poem as much as ...
by BobBradshaw
07 Jul 2017, 21:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Rain
Replies: 3
Views: 1464

Re: Rain

You do a lot in a few lines. Excellent atmosphere...I love these lines below esp....and the close works.

The vicissitudes of the city
dead to me like lead paint
over Rabindra Setu bridge.
by BobBradshaw
06 Jul 2017, 22:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Killing them Softly (2012)
Replies: 17
Views: 4743

Re: Killing them Softly (2012)

A very ambitious poem, with lots of good writing....very enjoyable. The poem had me from the opening lines:

The engine purrs,
Kenny changes gear
the exhasut lets out a whoop
of throaty triumph.

Good writing just pulls you along, and I was pulled along to the end....
by BobBradshaw
06 Jul 2017, 21:36
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Adeline Ravoux Looks Back at the Night Van Gogh Shot Himself
Replies: 12
Views: 3408

Re: Adeline Ravoux Looks Back at the Night Van Gogh Shot Him

Thanks, everyone, for your encouragement and ideas. I have revised the poem...let me know what you think. Best, Bob
by BobBradshaw
05 Jul 2017, 20:32
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Adeline Ravoux Looks Back at the Night Van Gogh Shot Himself
Replies: 12
Views: 3408

Re: Adeline Ravoux Looks Back at the Night Van Gogh Shot Him

Thanks, guys. You both make good points. Bernie, your idea about VG thinking of Gauguin's paintings is a very interesting one.....You're both right...The first half of the poem lacks the intensity of the second half, and just goes over familiar ground. Another possibility would be to start the poem ...
by BobBradshaw
04 Jul 2017, 23:38
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Adeline Ravoux Looks Back at the Night Van Gogh Shot Himself
Replies: 12
Views: 3408

Adeline Ravoux Looks Back at the Night Van Gogh Shot Himself

2nd version:   Adeline Ravoux Looks Back at the Night Van Gogh Shot Himself            What was he like? I'm often asked.     He was calm and gentle,        and as steady as dusk, returning every day     before dark, never missing a meal.       Every evening he would lift     my little sister onto h...
by BobBradshaw
04 Jul 2017, 22:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Essay in Monochrome
Replies: 3
Views: 1452

Re: Essay in Monochrome

Some nice writing, Frankly.....every stanza is forceful in its way.... a little trimming here and there would be good, but the masculine feel here is terrific. I like this stanza esp.....but I would like the ending to have more power to it, more of an emotional punch. Otherwise I really like this po...
by BobBradshaw
03 Jul 2017, 07:47
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming July IBPC 2017:
Replies: 11
Views: 4227

Re: Upcoming July IBPC 2017:

Thanks, Michael 1/Bob Bradshaw 2/bobbybradshw@yahoo.com 3/ poem is my original 4/and unpublished work 5/and that I am not representing in the current IBPC 6/and the poem as you would like it forwarded to the finals. Fay Wray      My career had detoured into macabre roles.     Finally I had signed on...
by BobBradshaw
03 Jul 2017, 07:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Beethoven Plays for Mozart
Replies: 2
Views: 1163

Re: Beethoven Plays for Mozart

Thanks, Bernie! I am glad you liked it......
by BobBradshaw
03 Jul 2017, 07:32
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming July IBPC 2017:
Replies: 11
Views: 4227

Re: Upcoming July IBPC 2017:

I nominate Bernie's 'The Married Life'....
by BobBradshaw
01 Jul 2017, 21:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Beethoven Plays for Mozart
Replies: 2
Views: 1163

Beethoven Plays for Mozart

Beethoven Plays for Mozart It was to be another night spent listening to music in a salon: the free food and champagne were as much of a draw as the musicians. A stout young man strode to the fortepiano. I hoped his playing would be more attractive than his unshaven, pockmarked face. He glanced at m...
by BobBradshaw
01 Jul 2017, 21:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: True
Replies: 6
Views: 2173

Re: True

Some strong characters...well drawn. Trimming is needed, but Bernie has already pointed that out. Keep polishing it....the emotional strength is what draws us in, and holds us.
by BobBradshaw
29 Jun 2017, 23:03
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Baby Shower
Replies: 1
Views: 932

Baby Shower

Baby Shower    Wyatt, your beautiful wife Misty     has grown!  She takes it in good humor:     unable to see past her waist,     her feet rumors,     she drifts slowly     above an oriental rug, trumpeter     swans swimming in a lake     of carpet below her, their long necks     entwined like vines...
by BobBradshaw
29 Jun 2017, 22:12
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Evening Meal
Replies: 3
Views: 1595

Re: Evening Meal

Lovely, and perfect! I love the images, and how they work together to complete the mood.
e.g.,
The jam jar, cold and fresh
like a poolside aperitif.
by BobBradshaw
24 Jun 2017, 07:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Blue Heron
Replies: 7
Views: 2156

Re: Blue Heron

Thanks, Siva....I somehow missed your post....best, Bob

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