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by BobBradshaw
18 Oct 2019, 01:46
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Neighbor
Replies: 10
Views: 2177

Re: The Neighbor

The new lines make the poem livelier and more fun.
by BobBradshaw
16 Oct 2019, 21:21
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Wild Ponies
Replies: 10
Views: 2116

Re: Wild Ponies

Those last six lines are gorgeous.....but like my Emily poem you're overdoing the horse imagery a bit...2 suggestions: take out muzzle(maybe replace it with 'heaving mouth') and replace withers with 'swimmer's back'....otherwise, what beautiful writing throughout!
by BobBradshaw
16 Oct 2019, 06:36
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Neighbor
Replies: 10
Views: 2177

Re: The Neighbor

This is good. It works all the way through. For more impact I would like some images in the next to last stanza to put us in her shoes, in the moment. Maybe an adjective or image about the cats, for example. The psych ward offers an opportunity as well but don't overdo it.
by BobBradshaw
16 Oct 2019, 06:31
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Beethoven's Dark Moods
Replies: 7
Views: 2670

Re: Beethoven's Dark Moods

Thanks, Judy...I like the first suggestion.
by BobBradshaw
15 Oct 2019, 09:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
Replies: 13
Views: 3553

Re: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me

Judy, I like what you have proposed...condensing the imagery....I can see now that the opening 4 lines aren't needed....and the moving, changing directions, etc. is too much. It's good to see one's poem through different eyes....I'm sure I will go with your revisions...I just want them to marinate f...
by BobBradshaw
14 Oct 2019, 08:41
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted
Replies: 15
Views: 25144

Re: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted

Personally, I am looking for anything to improve my poem. I consider such constructive criticism a gift.
by BobBradshaw
11 Oct 2019, 21:02
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
Replies: 13
Views: 3553

Re: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me

I have shortened this poem...let me know if it works better
by BobBradshaw
11 Oct 2019, 20:45
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Big House at Mambalam
Replies: 5
Views: 2114

Re: The Big House at Mambalam

Lovely poem....all the way through. The details immerse me in the setting... love these lines especially....but they're all good cattle with newly-painted horns in vibrant colours wearing huge Hare Krishna beads and mock-silver anklets were made to circumambulate the wood-fired brick stove freshly-h...
by BobBradshaw
11 Oct 2019, 20:42
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Up on the Zambesi Copper Belt Escarpment
Replies: 4
Views: 1943

Re: CopperBelt Escarpment

I like these lines best:

Avocados drop and fruit bats flop, wood smoke
wafts to me in the blue night, charcoal fires
pepper the darkness, prickles of light
by BobBradshaw
11 Oct 2019, 07:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
Replies: 13
Views: 3553

Re: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me

Thx for your suggestions m, Ken. I like them, and will incorporate them. bob
by BobBradshaw
10 Oct 2019, 20:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
Replies: 13
Views: 3553

Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised

V5: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me I. Emily, isn't my love as obvious as an open field? So I ask again, Why delay getting married? I fear if we wait I will lose you. Coming over today, I saw wild mares in the hills, moving in unison, turning their shy faces away from me. They reminded me of you. Emily, I...
by BobBradshaw
09 Oct 2019, 20:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Known As Chettys
Replies: 9
Views: 3047

Re: Known As Chettys

This is terrific! I love the details, as in hundred of men, a score of teen aged boys hair closely shaven. ash smeared on the forehead, arms and body, the three lines symbolizes Saivisim Cooks, barbers, dhobis , carry the luggage in iron trunks. The men roll a fair amount of cash in a cloth,tie it a...
by BobBradshaw
09 Oct 2019, 19:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Hank
Replies: 6
Views: 2107

Re: Hank

Ok, I can see that....I like some of his poems...one especially
by BobBradshaw
09 Oct 2019, 08:53
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Hank
Replies: 6
Views: 2107

Re: Hank

A fun slice of life you have here...love the jockey image....good ending
by BobBradshaw
07 Oct 2019, 00:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Known As Chettys
Replies: 9
Views: 3047

Re: Known As Chettys

Your best poems have good imagery...This one could be improved with some images and details... as an exercise, try writing each stanza around an image. Just a workshop suggestion....
by BobBradshaw
06 Oct 2019, 06:03
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: New Year’s Eve
Replies: 5
Views: 2398

Re: New Year’s Eve

Gorgeous poem, Billy....love the parrot image, everything actually, including that fab ending...no crits
by BobBradshaw
05 Oct 2019, 03:25
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Beethoven's Dark Moods
Replies: 7
Views: 2670

Re: Beethoven's Dark Moods

Thanks, Ken... your endorsement means a lot
by BobBradshaw
04 Oct 2019, 09:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted
Replies: 15
Views: 25144

Re: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted

Judy makes a good point.
by BobBradshaw
04 Oct 2019, 09:49
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Mistaken Identity
Replies: 7
Views: 2661

Re: Mistaken Identity

I really like that opening stanza...I also like the mix of full and slant rhyme...At times the poem tends too much towards the poetic, as in "autumn's breath"....I would look to change that description, and some of the lines in the 3rd stanza for the same reason. I like the closing, as everyone else...
by BobBradshaw
03 Oct 2019, 20:25
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Beethoven's Dark Moods
Replies: 7
Views: 2670

Beethoven's Dark Moods

Beethoven's Dark Moods Why does the maestro offend you? Because he ignores you? Nearly deaf, he is like someone trying to pick out the cries of a distant swimmer. His rudeness also stems from illness: colic, rheumatism, dropsy, and a stomach always in upheaval. Shall I go on? We forgive the crankine...
by BobBradshaw
02 Oct 2019, 23:02
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming October IBPC 2019:
Replies: 17
Views: 3796

Re: Upcoming October IBPC 2019:

I accept. Thanks, Michael and Kenneth
by BobBradshaw
30 Sep 2019, 21:00
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming October IBPC 2019:
Replies: 17
Views: 3796

Re: Upcoming October IBPC 2019:

Just in case... 1/Bob Bradshaw 2/bobbybradshw@yahoo.com 3/the poem is my original 4/and unpublished work 5/and that I haven't a poem committed to represent another board in the current IBPC. My Funeral My life savings will leave just enough cash for fireworks-- something to celebrate my passing. Oth...
by BobBradshaw
30 Sep 2019, 04:17
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming October IBPC 2019:
Replies: 17
Views: 3796

Re: Upcoming October IBPC 2019:

I nominate Ken’s “The Religion of Cats”, Siva’s “The Courtyard of the Big House...”, and Billy’s “Trees of Winter”.
by BobBradshaw
27 Sep 2019, 19:42
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Mexican Songs
Replies: 7
Views: 2088

Re: Mexican Songs

Diva, meenas.... thank you
by BobBradshaw
26 Sep 2019, 21:38
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Mexican Songs
Replies: 7
Views: 2088

Re: Spanish Songs

Ken, Billy — thx.... I will change the title

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