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Nicely done Meena hope it does well in IBPC.

Thanks Frank, I had forgotten about this until I saw Toni Clark mention it on Facebook.

Thanks to all, this one is in its infancy.

Frank, Lava is a brand name. I meant lights rise, but left it to the reader to connect the dots.
Yes capitals on GPS. I was actually going to say argue about nothing but felt some detail would be better.

Darkness slips through rows of corn onto a street of small vinyl houses. On the horizon lights from the quarry, warm dusty rose. The night shift is deep in ganister rock. Dayworkers are home, scrubbed clean with green Lava and watching TV. A man in white boxers steps onto his porch, leans to the dar...

Very nice Bob,

I wonder perhaps, pennies instead of coins. Like Bernie I thought, Three Coins in a Fountain. For me that’s distracting, but perhaps this connection was your intent.

Hi Bernie, if that’s what it takes to be her hero, I’m out too, she sounds very needy, not open to honest criticism. I like those white shoes and dickie, reminds me of the 70’s. For me I want more.

Hi Kenneth, glad to read your work, a heart wrenching story. IMO, as a poem it needs to be tightened up, there are many great moments within your telling.

Hi Frank, I agree and would cut the Pilgrims Progress intro. I’m not sure who the Michael you refer to is.

Well done Bernie, great poem.

Thanks to all for your input. I have included many of your suggestions in the final revision.

I like the idea here, the title doing so much.

I would say,
They wave from the side of the road. Cut ‘at us’

Also perhaps- Pasadena float, instead of float in Pasadena.

Ok, closing in on this one.

I accept, thanks for the nom and second. Dale Patterson dalepatterson2666@gmail.com 1. My original work 2. Not representing any other forum 3. Unpublished 4. Hard copy follows Oklahoma Near old photographs of oil fields and dust bowl refugees a Rock-Ola jukebox plays Earnest Tubb. I’m drinking shots...

They are all telling me that they want to comment, but in reality you will have to subpoena them.

Great find Frank, nicely extracted.

Thanks Bob, I am honored you like it.

Great poem Bob, love the surreal twist in an otherwise normal story. I will give it a second for IBPC.

His voice percolates through from the dining room, reflects impatience, his frustration. I try to focus on my newspaper. He cries again to himself, 'I can't do it.' I wonder if percolate is the best description of a child’s voice? It makes me think coffee, old man. Perhaps drop the ‘his’ in front of...

I nominate Bernie’s ‘Alien Sedition’

My nom for the May IBPC.

Thanks Bernie, I’m working to close the gaps between stanzas so the reader can make shorter leaps.

Final Revision- I lecture from notes: the deep southern roots of Flannery O’Connor, religious suppression, unforgivable sin. Halfway through class a Nigerian girl, bold as Grace Jones, glosses her lips sign painter’s red, engages in discussion and insists that we all have free will. I find her attra...

I like both versions, but perhaps because of my age I relate more to the second revision. In the earliest version I saw the narrator as possibly being involved or wanting involvement with the model. In the revision I see his desire but also his recognition that romance has disappeared in years. In b...

Bernie, once again, a great poem. The simplicity of s1 is wonderful, love the sailor pants. ‘clean and edible’ hmmm, I can see the image you want but im caught between oral sex and a washed vegetable. Each stanza is important and adds a new clue. S1- the main character and setting. S2- the wife. S3-...

Yes indeed, a lovely poem Bob. Here are a few possible edits- My favorite? A bloom from my childhood: the great plains white fringed orchid, her tresses of snowy flowers I would cut ‘I choose’ as its obvious what follows is his choice. unloosening evening perfumes for roaming male moths. Then there'...