Search found 163 matches

by IndianaDP
03 Aug 2018, 19:09
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Truly Me
Replies: 10
Views: 4760

Re: Truly Me

Nicely done Meena hope it does well in IBPC.
by IndianaDP
01 Aug 2018, 17:53
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: IBPC May 2018 - Congratulatons Dale for a Deserved 2nd Place
Replies: 3
Views: 3243

Re: IBPC May 2018 - Congratulatons Dale for a Deserved 2nd P

Thanks Frank, I had forgotten about this until I saw Toni Clark mention it on Facebook.
by IndianaDP
01 Jun 2018, 14:24
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Shady Lane
Replies: 5
Views: 2451

Re: Shady Lane

Thanks to all, this one is in its infancy.

Frank, Lava is a brand name. I meant lights rise, but left it to the reader to connect the dots.
Yes capitals on GPS. I was actually going to say argue about nothing but felt some detail would be better.
by IndianaDP
31 May 2018, 20:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Shady Lane
Replies: 5
Views: 2451

Shady Lane

Darkness slips through rows of corn onto a street of small vinyl houses. On the horizon lights from the quarry, warm dusty rose. The night shift is deep in ganister rock. Dayworkers are home, scrubbed clean with green Lava and watching TV. A man in white boxers steps onto his porch, leans to the dar...
by IndianaDP
31 May 2018, 20:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sunday in Golden Gate Park
Replies: 6
Views: 2864

Re: Sunday in Golden Gate Park

Very nice Bob,

I wonder perhaps, pennies instead of coins. Like Bernie I thought, Three Coins in a Fountain. For me that’s distracting, but perhaps this connection was your intent.
by IndianaDP
31 May 2018, 20:12
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Operetta Hero
Replies: 8
Views: 3269

Re: Operetta Hero

Hi Bernie, if that’s what it takes to be her hero, I’m out too, she sounds very needy, not open to honest criticism. I like those white shoes and dickie, reminds me of the 70’s. For me I want more.
by IndianaDP
31 May 2018, 20:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Marielitos
Replies: 7
Views: 2914

Re: Marielitos

Hi Kenneth, glad to read your work, a heart wrenching story. IMO, as a poem it needs to be tightened up, there are many great moments within your telling.
by IndianaDP
31 May 2018, 20:00
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Bichop Michael Curry - London (2018)
Replies: 3
Views: 1774

Re: Michael - London (May 2018)

Hi Frank, I agree and would cut the Pilgrims Progress intro. I’m not sure who the Michael you refer to is.
by IndianaDP
05 May 2018, 20:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Adjunct American Lit (final revision)
Replies: 12
Views: 4672

Re: Adjunct American Lit (final revision)

Thanks to all for your input. I have included many of your suggestions in the final revision.
by IndianaDP
04 May 2018, 03:25
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Goldenrod
Replies: 3
Views: 2017

Re: Goldenrod

I like the idea here, the title doing so much.

I would say,
They wave from the side of the road. Cut ‘at us’

Also perhaps- Pasadena float, instead of float in Pasadena.
by IndianaDP
04 May 2018, 03:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Adjunct American Lit (final revision)
Replies: 12
Views: 4672

Re: Adjunct (revision)

Ok, closing in on this one.
by IndianaDP
03 May 2018, 00:36
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming May IBPC 2018:
Replies: 13
Views: 6621

Re: Upcoming May IBPC 2018:

I accept, thanks for the nom and second. Dale Patterson dalepatterson2666@gmail.com 1. My original work 2. Not representing any other forum 3. Unpublished 4. Hard copy follows Oklahoma Near old photographs of oil fields and dust bowl refugees a Rock-Ola jukebox plays Earnest Tubb. I’m drinking shots...
by IndianaDP
02 May 2018, 20:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Another Great Poem from President Trump-Pltclly insensitive)
Replies: 9
Views: 3404

Re: Another Great Poem from President Trump-Pltclly insensit

They are all telling me that they want to comment, but in reality you will have to subpoena them.
by IndianaDP
01 May 2018, 22:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Gentle Clapping Found Erased in a Wood - V3
Replies: 11
Views: 4529

Re: A30-Erased Clapping Found in a Wood

Great find Frank, nicely extracted.
by IndianaDP
30 Apr 2018, 15:40
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming May IBPC 2018:
Replies: 13
Views: 6621

Re: Upcoming May IBPC 2018:

Thanks Bob, I am honored you like it.
by IndianaDP
28 Apr 2018, 15:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Shelley's Heart
Replies: 10
Views: 3696

Re: Shelley's Heart

Great poem Bob, love the surreal twist in an otherwise normal story. I will give it a second for IBPC.
by IndianaDP
25 Apr 2018, 17:56
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Fred and Joe Auto Repair Men
Replies: 4
Views: 2288

Re: Fred and Joe Auto Repair Men

His voice percolates through from the dining room, reflects impatience, his frustration. I try to focus on my newspaper. He cries again to himself, 'I can't do it.' I wonder if percolate is the best description of a child’s voice? It makes me think coffee, old man. Perhaps drop the ‘his’ in front of...
by IndianaDP
25 Apr 2018, 15:28
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming May IBPC 2018:
Replies: 13
Views: 6621

Re: Upcoming May IBPC 2018:

I nominate Bernie’s ‘Alien Sedition’
by IndianaDP
25 Apr 2018, 15:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Alien Sedition
Replies: 24
Views: 7164

Re: Alien Sedition

My nom for the May IBPC.
by IndianaDP
25 Apr 2018, 15:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Adjunct American Lit (final revision)
Replies: 12
Views: 4672

Re: American Lit Adjunct

Thanks Bernie, I’m working to close the gaps between stanzas so the reader can make shorter leaps.
by IndianaDP
23 Apr 2018, 21:38
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Adjunct American Lit (final revision)
Replies: 12
Views: 4672

Adjunct American Lit (final revision)

Final Revision- I lecture from notes: the deep southern roots of Flannery O’Connor, religious suppression, unforgivable sin. Halfway through class a Nigerian girl, bold as Grace Jones, glosses her lips sign painter’s red, engages in discussion and insists that we all have free will. I find her attra...
by IndianaDP
23 Apr 2018, 21:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: South Florida Fashion Shoot
Replies: 4
Views: 2268

Re: South Florida Fashion Shoot

I like both versions, but perhaps because of my age I relate more to the second revision. In the earliest version I saw the narrator as possibly being involved or wanting involvement with the model. In the revision I see his desire but also his recognition that romance has disappeared in years. In b...
by IndianaDP
21 Apr 2018, 16:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: South Florida Fashion Shoot
Replies: 4
Views: 2268

Re: South China Morning Post Fashion Shoot

Bernie, once again, a great poem. The simplicity of s1 is wonderful, love the sailor pants. ‘clean and edible’ hmmm, I can see the image you want but im caught between oral sex and a washed vegetable. Each stanza is important and adds a new clue. S1- the main character and setting. S2- the wife. S3-...
by IndianaDP
21 Apr 2018, 00:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Spider Orchids
Replies: 4
Views: 2200

Re: Spider Orchids

Yes indeed, a lovely poem Bob. Here are a few possible edits- My favorite? A bloom from my childhood: the great plains white fringed orchid, her tresses of snowy flowers I would cut ‘I choose’ as its obvious what follows is his choice. unloosening evening perfumes for roaming male moths. Then there'...

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