Search found 163 matches
- 03 Aug 2018, 19:09
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Truly Me
- Replies: 10
- Views: 7728
Re: Truly Me
Nicely done Meena hope it does well in IBPC.
- 01 Aug 2018, 17:53
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: IBPC May 2018 - Congratulatons Dale for a Deserved 2nd Place
- Replies: 3
- Views: 5075
Re: IBPC May 2018 - Congratulatons Dale for a Deserved 2nd P
Thanks Frank, I had forgotten about this until I saw Toni Clark mention it on Facebook.
- 01 Jun 2018, 14:24
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Shady Lane
- Replies: 5
- Views: 4149
Re: Shady Lane
Thanks to all, this one is in its infancy.
Frank, Lava is a brand name. I meant lights rise, but left it to the reader to connect the dots.
Yes capitals on GPS. I was actually going to say argue about nothing but felt some detail would be better.
Frank, Lava is a brand name. I meant lights rise, but left it to the reader to connect the dots.
Yes capitals on GPS. I was actually going to say argue about nothing but felt some detail would be better.
- 31 May 2018, 20:27
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Shady Lane
- Replies: 5
- Views: 4149
Shady Lane
Darkness slips through rows of corn onto a street of small vinyl houses. On the horizon lights from the quarry, warm dusty rose. The night shift is deep in ganister rock. Dayworkers are home, scrubbed clean with green Lava and watching TV. A man in white boxers steps onto his porch, leans to the dar...
- 31 May 2018, 20:17
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Sunday in Golden Gate Park
- Replies: 6
- Views: 4913
Re: Sunday in Golden Gate Park
Very nice Bob,
I wonder perhaps, pennies instead of coins. Like Bernie I thought, Three Coins in a Fountain. For me that’s distracting, but perhaps this connection was your intent.
I wonder perhaps, pennies instead of coins. Like Bernie I thought, Three Coins in a Fountain. For me that’s distracting, but perhaps this connection was your intent.
- 31 May 2018, 20:12
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Operetta Hero
- Replies: 8
- Views: 5669
Re: Operetta Hero
Hi Bernie, if that’s what it takes to be her hero, I’m out too, she sounds very needy, not open to honest criticism. I like those white shoes and dickie, reminds me of the 70’s. For me I want more.
- 31 May 2018, 20:06
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Marielitos
- Replies: 7
- Views: 5115
Re: Marielitos
Hi Kenneth, glad to read your work, a heart wrenching story. IMO, as a poem it needs to be tightened up, there are many great moments within your telling.
- 31 May 2018, 20:00
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Bichop Michael Curry - London (2018)
- Replies: 3
- Views: 3042
Re: Michael - London (May 2018)
Hi Frank, I agree and would cut the Pilgrims Progress intro. I’m not sure who the Michael you refer to is.
- 10 May 2018, 01:04
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Poems that placed in the March IBPC 2018 (Congrats Bernie)
- Replies: 2
- Views: 4341
Re: Poems that placed in the March IBPC 2018 (Congrats Ber
Well done Bernie, great poem.
- 05 May 2018, 20:40
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Adjunct American Lit (final revision)
- Replies: 12
- Views: 8073
Re: Adjunct American Lit (final revision)
Thanks to all for your input. I have included many of your suggestions in the final revision.
- 04 May 2018, 03:25
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Goldenrod
- Replies: 3
- Views: 3209
Re: Goldenrod
I like the idea here, the title doing so much.
I would say,
They wave from the side of the road. Cut ‘at us’
Also perhaps- Pasadena float, instead of float in Pasadena.
I would say,
They wave from the side of the road. Cut ‘at us’
Also perhaps- Pasadena float, instead of float in Pasadena.
- 04 May 2018, 03:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Adjunct American Lit (final revision)
- Replies: 12
- Views: 8073
Re: Adjunct (revision)
Ok, closing in on this one.
- 03 May 2018, 00:36
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming May IBPC 2018:
- Replies: 13
- Views: 10951
Re: Upcoming May IBPC 2018:
I accept, thanks for the nom and second. Dale Patterson dalepatterson2666@gmail.com 1. My original work 2. Not representing any other forum 3. Unpublished 4. Hard copy follows Oklahoma Near old photographs of oil fields and dust bowl refugees a Rock-Ola jukebox plays Earnest Tubb. I’m drinking shots...
- 02 May 2018, 20:47
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Another Great Poem from President Trump-Pltclly insensitive)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 5814
Re: Another Great Poem from President Trump-Pltclly insensit
They are all telling me that they want to comment, but in reality you will have to subpoena them.
- 01 May 2018, 22:54
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Gentle Clapping Found Erased in a Wood - V3
- Replies: 11
- Views: 7576
Re: A30-Erased Clapping Found in a Wood
Great find Frank, nicely extracted.
- 30 Apr 2018, 15:40
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming May IBPC 2018:
- Replies: 13
- Views: 10951
Re: Upcoming May IBPC 2018:
Thanks Bob, I am honored you like it.
- 28 Apr 2018, 15:04
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Shelley's Heart
- Replies: 10
- Views: 6353
Re: Shelley's Heart
Great poem Bob, love the surreal twist in an otherwise normal story. I will give it a second for IBPC.
- 25 Apr 2018, 17:56
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Fred and Joe Auto Repair Men
- Replies: 4
- Views: 3768
Re: Fred and Joe Auto Repair Men
His voice percolates through from the dining room, reflects impatience, his frustration. I try to focus on my newspaper. He cries again to himself, 'I can't do it.' I wonder if percolate is the best description of a child’s voice? It makes me think coffee, old man. Perhaps drop the ‘his’ in front of...
- 25 Apr 2018, 15:28
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming May IBPC 2018:
- Replies: 13
- Views: 10951
Re: Upcoming May IBPC 2018:
I nominate Bernie’s ‘Alien Sedition’
- 25 Apr 2018, 15:27
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Alien Sedition
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12841
Re: Alien Sedition
My nom for the May IBPC.
- 25 Apr 2018, 15:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Adjunct American Lit (final revision)
- Replies: 12
- Views: 8073
Re: American Lit Adjunct
Thanks Bernie, I’m working to close the gaps between stanzas so the reader can make shorter leaps.
- 23 Apr 2018, 21:38
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Adjunct American Lit (final revision)
- Replies: 12
- Views: 8073
Adjunct American Lit (final revision)
Final Revision- I lecture from notes: the deep southern roots of Flannery O’Connor, religious suppression, unforgivable sin. Halfway through class a Nigerian girl, bold as Grace Jones, glosses her lips sign painter’s red, engages in discussion and insists that we all have free will. I find her attra...
- 23 Apr 2018, 21:37
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: South Florida Fashion Shoot
- Replies: 4
- Views: 3756
Re: South Florida Fashion Shoot
I like both versions, but perhaps because of my age I relate more to the second revision. In the earliest version I saw the narrator as possibly being involved or wanting involvement with the model. In the revision I see his desire but also his recognition that romance has disappeared in years. In b...
- 21 Apr 2018, 16:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: South Florida Fashion Shoot
- Replies: 4
- Views: 3756
Re: South China Morning Post Fashion Shoot
Bernie, once again, a great poem. The simplicity of s1 is wonderful, love the sailor pants. ‘clean and edible’ hmmm, I can see the image you want but im caught between oral sex and a washed vegetable. Each stanza is important and adds a new clue. S1- the main character and setting. S2- the wife. S3-...
- 21 Apr 2018, 00:51
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Spider Orchids
- Replies: 4
- Views: 3675
Re: Spider Orchids
Yes indeed, a lovely poem Bob. Here are a few possible edits- My favorite? A bloom from my childhood: the great plains white fringed orchid, her tresses of snowy flowers I would cut ‘I choose’ as its obvious what follows is his choice. unloosening evening perfumes for roaming male moths. Then there'...