Search found 163 matches

by IndianaDP
19 Oct 2018, 18:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Eugenics (revision)
Replies: 11
Views: 2591

Re: Eugenics (revision)

Thanks Billy, the final will probably be a mix of the two versions, still working on a title.
by IndianaDP
19 Oct 2018, 18:02
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Desert Oasis
Replies: 1
Views: 848

Desert Oasis

I see the first Jesus in the corner of my glasses, where lens meets tortoise shell frame and tissue can’t loosen dirt. He is walking on blue smears of grease or firmament expanding, like the great Milky Way or the pool at a desert motel, radiant in turquoise and clear dark of night, where I find mys...
by IndianaDP
19 Oct 2018, 18:00
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Verlaine's Young Wife Boards A Train
Replies: 6
Views: 1634

Re: Verlaine's Young Wife Boards A Train

Bob, as usual a well told and interesting story. I especially like how the title isn’t explained until the final stanza.
by IndianaDP
19 Oct 2018, 17:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: When I Find Myself
Replies: 4
Views: 1360

Re: When I Find Myself

This describes me to a tee.
by IndianaDP
19 Oct 2018, 17:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: a small boat
Replies: 7
Views: 1930

Re: a small boat

Billy, good to see you here, I just figured out who you are. This poem resonates with me, one of my favorite places is to be alone in a small boat, on a small lake, waves slapping under the bow. It is very meditative, a time to get lost in your thoughts. I have never heard if snake doctors, I will h...
by IndianaDP
15 Oct 2018, 23:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Eugenics (revision)
Replies: 11
Views: 2591

Re: Eugenics (revision)

I have made revisions, still thinking about the title, considering ‘Selective Breading’
by IndianaDP
14 Oct 2018, 23:10
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Eugenics (revision)
Replies: 11
Views: 2591

Re: Eugenics

As I understand it it’s more the idea of selective breading, in the case of this poem upper class breading upper class. I do understand many see the term as you mention, hmm, let’s see how others view it.
by IndianaDP
14 Oct 2018, 22:33
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Eugenics (revision)
Replies: 11
Views: 2591

Eugenics (revision)

Revision- She is a beautiful woman who likes Chinese silk and French beaded bags, has a Masters from Wellesley in European Lit. In her library the spines of her books are pristine, the pages carefully turned as they’re read and marginal notes she writes in light pencil. She aspires to kindness, help...
by IndianaDP
14 Oct 2018, 22:32
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Welsh Cakes at War
Replies: 9
Views: 2502

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

It always amazes me how details can move a story forward, nicely done. I especially like the line with the mirror and the wardrobe door.
by IndianaDP
14 Oct 2018, 22:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: For Daryl
Replies: 3
Views: 1136

Re: For Daryl

Nicely written, I think I’ve lived a similar story.
by IndianaDP
14 Oct 2018, 03:19
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: A Paper Death
Replies: 9
Views: 1941

Re: A Paper Death

Hmm, I was reading it as the suicide came first.
by IndianaDP
13 Oct 2018, 21:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: A Paper Death
Replies: 9
Views: 1941

Re: A Paper Death

Well, I missed it in the first read, but can easily see it when going back. My ‘first thought is to condense the details surrounding the heart attach and expanding the suicide just a bit. The idea of contrasting the two events is compelling.
by IndianaDP
13 Oct 2018, 21:02
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: A Paper Death
Replies: 9
Views: 1941

Re: A Paper Death

If this is autobiograph I’m glad you survived and are hopefully doing well. I had a heart attach about six years ago, but not a severe one, two stents made me feel great.

Nicely written, I like the idea of dying on paper. IMO, the poem would work well starting with S4 and cutting the first 3.
by IndianaDP
13 Oct 2018, 20:53
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Her Brother Dies
Replies: 5
Views: 1208

Re: After Her Brother Dies

Ha ha, the iron lung line was one of my favorites, but I do see how it might not fit in. I did a bit of condensing to remove it.
by IndianaDP
13 Oct 2018, 20:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Little One
Replies: 4
Views: 1176

Re: Little One

Nicely done, straight forward, descriptive, spiritual.

I went to college with a reservation Navajo, great guy. Years ago I wrote some reservation poems that ended up in Pilgimage Magazine.
by IndianaDP
13 Oct 2018, 00:26
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Her Brother Dies
Replies: 5
Views: 1208

After Her Brother Dies

Revision- She puts on his plaid hunting jacket, walks in the fields where he harvested corn. Her steps, in the distance of furrows, trail grey to the river, a place of convergence compressing her thoughts with a weight that is deeper than holding her breath. She peals stiff clay from the bottoms of ...
by IndianaDP
11 Oct 2018, 23:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Unblemished (revision)
Replies: 9
Views: 1795

Re: Unblemished (revision)

Thanks Billy, I’m sure the images I cut will reappear in a new poem.
by IndianaDP
11 Oct 2018, 18:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Unblemished (revision)
Replies: 9
Views: 1795

Re: Unblemished (revision)

Trying to condense some.
by IndianaDP
11 Oct 2018, 18:46
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Replies: 7
Views: 1620

Re: Elizabeth Barrett Browning

In the end love wins, especially like-

I was an invalid whose friends
existed on paper.
by IndianaDP
11 Oct 2018, 18:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: was
Replies: 6
Views: 1797

Re: was

Nicely done, I like that she seems to have a positive outlook despite her circumstances.
by IndianaDP
11 Oct 2018, 01:42
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Unblemished (revision)
Replies: 9
Views: 1795

Re: Unblemished

Thanks Billy, I am making some changes to tighten things up, I’ll look at the final stanza.

Thanks Bob, always appreciate your thoughts.

Thanks Ken, lookin closer at when to end.

Hello Ronda, welcome to Writer’s Block. You may be right about the booze.
by IndianaDP
09 Oct 2018, 21:49
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Unblemished (revision)
Replies: 9
Views: 1795

Unblemished (revision)

Revision- She inherited an inferior mind, a flat pock marked face she dusts with cheap powder, an expressionless stare she smears with mascara. The scratches and scars on her forearms and legs are anxious and angry, the roll of her belly is white and unblemished. Wheeling a cart down the aisles of W...
by IndianaDP
09 Oct 2018, 21:41
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Bride of Frankenstein
Replies: 7
Views: 1572

Re: Bride of Frankenstein

A well told story. I especially like the development of the brides thinking. The beginning although written well to me seems unnecessary, it only describes the scene we are all familiar with from the movie. I would begin at stanza 7 and focus on the brides thoughts, let the reader imagine the scene ...
by IndianaDP
09 Oct 2018, 21:33
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Gurkha Officer [revised]
Replies: 10
Views: 2438

Re: The Gurkha Officer

Yes, it reads well, makes me ashamed I don’t know more about history. As an artist however I did get the Capa reference. I especially like Capa’s photo of a dead sparrow in the snow, not one of his war images, but just as meaningful.
by IndianaDP
09 Oct 2018, 21:23
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: A Gift Shop in Dubuque, Iowa
Replies: 5
Views: 1418

Re: A Gift Shop in Dubuque, Iowa

Nicely told story, great detail.

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