Search found 163 matches

by IndianaDP
03 Oct 2018, 22:27
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming October IBPC 2018:
Replies: 14
Views: 4216

Re: Upcoming October IBPC 2018:

1/Dale Patterson 2/dalepatterson@comcast.com 3/the poem is mine 4/and is an unpublished work 5/and that I am not representing in the current IBPC Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965 Factory girls in coffee stained blouses with cigarette burns listen to transistor radios as they ride city buses into the p...
by IndianaDP
29 Sep 2018, 00:55
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming October IBPC 2018:
Replies: 14
Views: 4216

Re: Upcoming October IBPC 2018:

I will second,

Kens’ “Under the Stars”
Frank’s, “Evening of the Last Day.”
by IndianaDP
28 Sep 2018, 20:31
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming October IBPC 2018:
Replies: 14
Views: 4216

Re: Upcoming October IBPC 2018:

Just starting to look them over but for now,

Bob’s “Bobo the Chimp Types.”
by IndianaDP
25 Sep 2018, 19:13
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Bobo The Chimp Types - revised (2)
Replies: 9
Views: 2071

Re: Bobo The Chimp Types - revised (2)

Nice Bob, I like the added detail.
by IndianaDP
25 Sep 2018, 19:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965
Replies: 8
Views: 1765

Re: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965

Thanks Bob, glad you enjoyed it.
by IndianaDP
19 Sep 2018, 21:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965
Replies: 8
Views: 1765

Re: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965

Thanks for reading and commenting Ken, have you ever heard the song “Factory Girl” by the Stones? Here are the lyrics. Waiting for a girl who's got curlers in her hair Waiting for a girl she has no money anywhere We get buses everywhere Waiting for a factory girl Waiting for a girl and her knees are...
by IndianaDP
19 Sep 2018, 21:38
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965
Replies: 8
Views: 1765

Re: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965

Thanks for reading Frank, I like the subtle inuendo of your ending, but believe I prefer the harshness of what I have.
by IndianaDP
19 Sep 2018, 02:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965
Replies: 8
Views: 1765

Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965

Factory girls in coffee stained blouses with cigarette burns listen to transistor radios as they ride city buses into the park. Working the lines they sit on grey stools with their feet off the ground, count hose clamps and put them in cartons. Their boyfriends drive forklifts in circular routes, lo...
by IndianaDP
19 Sep 2018, 02:10
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Bobo The Chimp Types - revised (2)
Replies: 9
Views: 2071

Re: Bobo The Chimp Types

I love the oddity of this. I wonder if more of the chimp qualities might come out, you know less human more monkey. He hunts and pecks with the tips of his fingers, screams when the carriage bell rings.
by IndianaDP
19 Sep 2018, 02:00
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Camille - Asile de Montevergues (1914)
Replies: 5
Views: 1845

Re: Camille - Asile de Montevergues (1914)

Great story telling, it makes me want to know more.
by IndianaDP
19 Sep 2018, 01:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Under Other Stars
Replies: 3
Views: 1245

Re: Under Other Stars

Great poem Ken, your mother sounds like a wonderful woman. The ending so abrupt and so spot on.
by IndianaDP
03 Sep 2018, 18:29
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Congratulations Ken for 1st place June Ibpc 2018
Replies: 5
Views: 2685

Re: Congratulations Ken for 1st place June Ibpc 2018

Congratulations Ken, great poem I remember when you first posted it.
by IndianaDP
02 Sep 2018, 18:25
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming September IBPC 2018:
Replies: 18
Views: 5090

Re: Upcoming September IBPC 2018:

I second Bob’s Angel Island

Nominate Frank’s, Christmas in Wales
by IndianaDP
02 Sep 2018, 18:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Last Day
Replies: 3
Views: 1218

Re: The Last Day

This is an interesting biblical story. The original genesis account leaving so many openings to imagine and expand the story. The creation of Eve, so abstract, yet the whole bible story so unimaginable. Like Ken’s version, nicely done.
by IndianaDP
31 Aug 2018, 19:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Panhandler with Cat
Replies: 3
Views: 1035

Re: Panhandler with Cat

Great image Bob, nicely done.
by IndianaDP
31 Aug 2018, 19:41
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After The Beasts
Replies: 9
Views: 2030

Re: After The Beasts

Ah, Adam and Eve, now this is working. I think perhaps it would aid understanding if their was a stronger clue in the title.
by IndianaDP
31 Aug 2018, 19:36
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Doubt Wears a Necktie (revision)
Replies: 14
Views: 2386

Re: Doubt Wears a Necktie

Hi Frank, I see this man as a rule keeper, the church good at establishing its rules of fellowship, no dancing, cards, modest dress, etc. Different rules for different denomination, but rules. In his observance of rules he seems pious to others. In reality he too has his hidden vices (whiskey.) only...
by IndianaDP
29 Aug 2018, 23:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After The Beasts
Replies: 9
Views: 2030

Re: After The Beasts

Very interesting,deep and will require more reading. On the surface I see a wounded soldier,but then I not sure.
by IndianaDP
29 Aug 2018, 23:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Doubt Wears a Necktie (revision)
Replies: 14
Views: 2386

Re: Doubt Wears a Necktie

Thanks Ken, you are right about weight on his shoulders, I will work to revise.

There is a deeper vein to this simple poem. It’s about Christian faith, how it often wears a costume of piety, hides sin.
by IndianaDP
28 Aug 2018, 02:59
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Doubt Wears a Necktie (revision)
Replies: 14
Views: 2386

Re: Doubt Wears a Necktie

Thought vial looked wrong, saw the ‘s but forgot to change it.

The poem is about the appearance of faith amid doubts, yet faith endures. I want the message to be obscure, but there if you look.
by IndianaDP
27 Aug 2018, 22:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Stretto di Messina
Replies: 13
Views: 2602

Re: Stretto di Messina

Ah, I was sort of seeing that, but not trusting my instincts. I wonder if that section could be clarified to help the reader? Love the connection of eating oysters and the cruise women.
by IndianaDP
27 Aug 2018, 20:56
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Doubt Wears a Necktie (revision)
Replies: 14
Views: 2386

Doubt Wears a Necktie (revision)

Revision- To avoid the appearance of evil he wears a grey suit and a burgundy tie. His neighbor’s vile tongue is a lesson in patience he teaches his daughter. His truth has a crumbling edge the observance of ritual that numbs the observer. He prays before dinner, pleads for the lost and then asks fo...
by IndianaDP
27 Aug 2018, 20:49
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Snowy Egret
Replies: 4
Views: 1211

Re: Snowy Egret

Nicely written Bob, I like the irony of the crane, a symbol for long life, and the grandfather outliving his wife.

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