Search found 163 matches

by IndianaDP
27 Aug 2018, 20:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Stretto di Messina
Replies: 13
Views: 4595

Re: Stretto di Messina

The descriptions of geography are very poetic and pleasing. My lack of knowledge concerning the working of ships however makes it hard to fully understand the story. It seems that just before reaching safe harbor the storm has caused the engines to fail , then upon looking to repair them a stash of ...
by IndianaDP
18 Aug 2018, 00:32
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Penitent
Replies: 7
Views: 2823

Re: Nineveh

Hi Ken, you have done an excellent job in retelling one of my favorite bible stories, well done. Since this is such a well known story the parts that held my attention most were those where you filled in the blanks with your own ideas. Certainly this is an excellent write and can stand as it is, but...
by IndianaDP
16 Aug 2018, 02:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 5596

Re: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron

Thanks Michael, I’ve incorporated some of your suggestions.
by IndianaDP
16 Aug 2018, 02:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Max the Queensland Cattle Dog
Replies: 5
Views: 2670

Re: Max the Queensland Cattle Dog

Not expecting the dog to be the narrator, interesting perspective, nicely done.
by IndianaDP
16 Aug 2018, 02:24
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Renegade Relapse
Replies: 6
Views: 2751

Re: Renegade Relapse

Great story.
by IndianaDP
16 Aug 2018, 02:23
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Replies: 20
Views: 5559

Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933

Nicely written Bob, great story. I like how either the paper daughter or paper son are his vehicle to citizenship, a vehicle that if rejected becomes the folded paper boat that sinks with his dreams.
by IndianaDP
13 Aug 2018, 02:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Herrineren - Revised 10 August [with introductary passage]
Replies: 10
Views: 4046

Re: Herrineren - Revised 10 August

I guess I’m wondering, is he talking to his son, is there a photo of his wife on the nightstand, is he in a nursing home, in his own home, something that helps put me into the scene.
by IndianaDP
13 Aug 2018, 02:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 5596

Re: After Dinner- now Cast Iron

New revision, hopefully getting closer.
by IndianaDP
13 Aug 2018, 02:26
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Manimekalai
Replies: 5
Views: 2702

Re: Manimekalai

My lack of understanding regarding these customs is a great hinderance, but I can comprehend this woman’s passion for having a son and throwing herself deeply into whatever god she felt would help her the most.
by IndianaDP
13 Aug 2018, 02:18
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Mummer's Dance
Replies: 5
Views: 2484

Re: Mummer's Dance

I am blessed to not have experienced a violent childhood; as a result I find this story almost surreal. I think you have done a great job depicting the horrors of such a childhood, it helps me understand what others have endured, so good job; none-the-less, it is not the kind of poem I like to read,...
by IndianaDP
13 Aug 2018, 02:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Herrineren - Revised 10 August [with introductary passage]
Replies: 10
Views: 4046

Re: Herrineren - Revised 10 August

I recall commenting when the original version was posted that I needed more current details to help me see this old soldier and realize he was resurrecting horrible memories of war, his room, bedside table, attendants, the tension in the room. I find that while the new version does an excellent job ...
by IndianaDP
11 Aug 2018, 21:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 5596

Re: After Dinner

Thanks Bob, that may be a good solution.
by IndianaDP
11 Aug 2018, 01:59
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Van Gogh, The Move to St-Remy - revised
Replies: 7
Views: 3619

Re: Van Gogh, The Move to St-Remy - revised

Nicely done Bob. As others have said, such a complex figure, a major undertaking.
by IndianaDP
11 Aug 2018, 01:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: I am Not Myself Alone
Replies: 6
Views: 3508

Re: I am Not Myself Alone

Interesting concept, carried further-

and if you were agile and found your way to my brain and connected to my thoughts, you would be amazed, or offended, perhaps embarrassed or a little ashamed.

Enjoyed, very creative.
by IndianaDP
10 Aug 2018, 17:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 5596

Re: After Dinner

Hi Frank, thanks for your crit. I did battle with the word death, opting at first to go against my gut and for the sake of the reader include it, but after Michaels push deciding to cut it. The goose down coat for me is a symbol of time passed. In the 1980’s I owned such a coat, so having still hang...
by IndianaDP
06 Aug 2018, 20:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 5596

Re: After Dinner

Thanks Michael, I am posting a revision above that may address some of the issues.
by IndianaDP
06 Aug 2018, 02:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Progress Report From Molly
Replies: 10
Views: 3550

Re: Progress Report From Molly

Interesting story, the aging body dealing with therapy and medication. Thank God for that eclipse of breast and the Dewar’s. I wonder if the moons of S1 and the eclipse of the final S are one and the same. Never heard the term elephant-head.
by IndianaDP
06 Aug 2018, 02:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 5596

Re: After Dinner

Yes indeed Ken, I agree, I’m trying to show how aging people grow tired of fighting the battle, how optimism turns to pessimism, yet they are at peace with it.
by IndianaDP
06 Aug 2018, 02:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 5596

Re: After Dinner

Good call Bob, I am working on revisions and hope to post them in a few days.
by IndianaDP
06 Aug 2018, 02:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 5596

Re: After Dinner

Thanks Siva- I am indeed looking to reintroduce the beginning into the end.
by IndianaDP
03 Aug 2018, 19:21
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 5596

After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron

2nd Revision- Cast Iron My orange goose down coat and loose fitting ball cap hang on a hook, obscuring a somber grey scarf worn by my father. Black beans and onions simmer in a pot, corn bread is covered with a red gingham towel. Steam fogs the stove clock. Time is an uncertain song, a monotone a gr...
by IndianaDP
03 Aug 2018, 19:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Gigging on the French Broad. Revised
Replies: 23
Views: 6575

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

Nice detail, I think I’m now well prepared to go gigging.
by IndianaDP
03 Aug 2018, 19:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Drones
Replies: 9
Views: 3552

Re: Drones

Hi Bob, it’s fun to become a bee in the hive, nicely done.
by IndianaDP
03 Aug 2018, 19:12
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Right After My Marriage
Replies: 5
Views: 2440

Re: Right After My Marriage

Nicely detailed narrative.

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