Search found 181 matches
- 14 Oct 2018, 22:33
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Eugenics (revision)
- Replies: 11
- Views: 19142
Eugenics (revision)
Revision- She is a beautiful woman who likes Chinese silk and French beaded bags, has a Masters from Wellesley in European Lit. In her library the spines of her books are pristine, the pages carefully turned as they’re read and marginal notes she writes in light pencil. She aspires to kindness, help...
- 14 Oct 2018, 22:32
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Welsh Cakes at War
- Replies: 9
- Views: 16469
Re: Welsh Cakes at War
It always amazes me how details can move a story forward, nicely done. I especially like the line with the mirror and the wardrobe door.
- 14 Oct 2018, 22:29
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: For Daryl
- Replies: 3
- Views: 7259
Re: For Daryl
Nicely written, I think I’ve lived a similar story.
- 14 Oct 2018, 03:19
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A Paper Death
- Replies: 9
- Views: 14162
Re: A Paper Death
Hmm, I was reading it as the suicide came first.
- 13 Oct 2018, 21:17
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A Paper Death
- Replies: 9
- Views: 14162
Re: A Paper Death
Well, I missed it in the first read, but can easily see it when going back. My ‘first thought is to condense the details surrounding the heart attach and expanding the suicide just a bit. The idea of contrasting the two events is compelling.
- 13 Oct 2018, 21:02
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A Paper Death
- Replies: 9
- Views: 14162
Re: A Paper Death
If this is autobiograph I’m glad you survived and are hopefully doing well. I had a heart attach about six years ago, but not a severe one, two stents made me feel great.
Nicely written, I like the idea of dying on paper. IMO, the poem would work well starting with S4 and cutting the first 3.
Nicely written, I like the idea of dying on paper. IMO, the poem would work well starting with S4 and cutting the first 3.
- 13 Oct 2018, 20:53
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: After Her Brother Dies
- Replies: 5
- Views: 9394
Re: After Her Brother Dies
Ha ha, the iron lung line was one of my favorites, but I do see how it might not fit in. I did a bit of condensing to remove it.
- 13 Oct 2018, 20:48
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Little One
- Replies: 4
- Views: 8354
Re: Little One
Nicely done, straight forward, descriptive, spiritual.
I went to college with a reservation Navajo, great guy. Years ago I wrote some reservation poems that ended up in Pilgimage Magazine.
I went to college with a reservation Navajo, great guy. Years ago I wrote some reservation poems that ended up in Pilgimage Magazine.
- 13 Oct 2018, 00:26
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: After Her Brother Dies
- Replies: 5
- Views: 9394
After Her Brother Dies
Revision- She puts on his plaid hunting jacket, walks in the fields where he harvested corn. Her steps, in the distance of furrows, trail grey to the river, a place of convergence compressing her thoughts with a weight that is deeper than holding her breath. She peals stiff clay from the bottoms of ...
- 11 Oct 2018, 23:11
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Unblemished (revision)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 14998
Re: Unblemished (revision)
Thanks Billy, I’m sure the images I cut will reappear in a new poem.
- 11 Oct 2018, 18:51
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Unblemished (revision)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 14998
Re: Unblemished (revision)
Trying to condense some.
- 11 Oct 2018, 18:46
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Elizabeth Barrett Browning
- Replies: 7
- Views: 11871
Re: Elizabeth Barrett Browning
In the end love wins, especially like-
I was an invalid whose friends
existed on paper.
I was an invalid whose friends
existed on paper.
- 11 Oct 2018, 18:43
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: was
- Replies: 6
- Views: 11210
Re: was
Nicely done, I like that she seems to have a positive outlook despite her circumstances.
- 11 Oct 2018, 01:42
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Unblemished (revision)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 14998
Re: Unblemished
Thanks Billy, I am making some changes to tighten things up, I’ll look at the final stanza.
Thanks Bob, always appreciate your thoughts.
Thanks Ken, lookin closer at when to end.
Hello Ronda, welcome to Writer’s Block. You may be right about the booze.
Thanks Bob, always appreciate your thoughts.
Thanks Ken, lookin closer at when to end.
Hello Ronda, welcome to Writer’s Block. You may be right about the booze.
- 09 Oct 2018, 21:49
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Unblemished (revision)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 14998
Unblemished (revision)
Revision- She inherited an inferior mind, a flat pock marked face she dusts with cheap powder, an expressionless stare she smears with mascara. The scratches and scars on her forearms and legs are anxious and angry, the roll of her belly is white and unblemished. Wheeling a cart down the aisles of W...
- 09 Oct 2018, 21:41
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Bride of Frankenstein
- Replies: 7
- Views: 11579
Re: Bride of Frankenstein
A well told story. I especially like the development of the brides thinking. The beginning although written well to me seems unnecessary, it only describes the scene we are all familiar with from the movie. I would begin at stanza 7 and focus on the brides thoughts, let the reader imagine the scene ...
- 09 Oct 2018, 21:33
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Gurkha Officer [revised]
- Replies: 10
- Views: 16455
Re: The Gurkha Officer
Yes, it reads well, makes me ashamed I don’t know more about history. As an artist however I did get the Capa reference. I especially like Capa’s photo of a dead sparrow in the snow, not one of his war images, but just as meaningful.
- 09 Oct 2018, 21:23
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A Gift Shop in Dubuque, Iowa
- Replies: 5
- Views: 10320
Re: A Gift Shop in Dubuque, Iowa
Nicely told story, great detail.
- 03 Oct 2018, 22:27
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming October IBPC 2018:
- Replies: 14
- Views: 28831
Re: Upcoming October IBPC 2018:
1/Dale Patterson 2/dalepatterson@comcast.com 3/the poem is mine 4/and is an unpublished work 5/and that I am not representing in the current IBPC Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965 Factory girls in coffee stained blouses with cigarette burns listen to transistor radios as they ride city buses into the p...
- 29 Sep 2018, 00:55
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming October IBPC 2018:
- Replies: 14
- Views: 28831
Re: Upcoming October IBPC 2018:
I will second,
Kens’ “Under the Stars”
Frank’s, “Evening of the Last Day.”
Kens’ “Under the Stars”
Frank’s, “Evening of the Last Day.”
- 28 Sep 2018, 20:31
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming October IBPC 2018:
- Replies: 14
- Views: 28831
Re: Upcoming October IBPC 2018:
Just starting to look them over but for now,
Bob’s “Bobo the Chimp Types.”
Bob’s “Bobo the Chimp Types.”
- 25 Sep 2018, 19:13
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Bobo The Chimp Types - revised (2)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 15641
Re: Bobo The Chimp Types - revised (2)
Nice Bob, I like the added detail.
- 25 Sep 2018, 19:11
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965
- Replies: 8
- Views: 13790
Re: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965
Thanks Bob, glad you enjoyed it.
- 19 Sep 2018, 21:40
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965
- Replies: 8
- Views: 13790
Re: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965
Thanks for reading and commenting Ken, have you ever heard the song “Factory Girl” by the Stones? Here are the lyrics. Waiting for a girl who's got curlers in her hair Waiting for a girl she has no money anywhere We get buses everywhere Waiting for a factory girl Waiting for a girl and her knees are...
- 19 Sep 2018, 21:38
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965
- Replies: 8
- Views: 13790
Re: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965
Thanks for reading Frank, I like the subtle inuendo of your ending, but believe I prefer the harshness of what I have.