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It is in the evening I am in my parlour writing. Two little sparrows perch on my window peep awhile and withdraw. They tweet and sing shrill and loud go their voices. The incessant chatter lasts for a period. I am distracted. Setting the assignment aside I listen to them in attention. Melody diffuse...

Billy,
Your edit has fine tuned the poem.
I am a learner-- a slow learner.

Meena

Bernie,
Happy to note that you love the revision.
The Mahanagar Natural gas has added flavour to my cooking.
It is a good revision. I want to know whether it needs perfection.

Meena

A stream of critique, Bernie. I find myself nowhere in this circle of bards.
I would like to say, the poem is beautiful, short and intense.

Meena.

I have submitted a revised version.
Hope it works, Bernie and Frank.

Bernie and Frank, Either I lose myself in details or eschew them completely. Could this be my weakness? I am telly in certain poems where a boredom sets in. And pointlessly brief in others, fail to impart what I wish. I write without thinking. I will revise . Anyhow, thanks for reading and commentin...

Revision A celebrations of unheard dimensions. A section of people are agog. Tweet, warble and make merry. Customary to distribute gifts to the relatives during weddings. Never, so long, the discrimination found its way. The bridegroom's mother engages with a difference. Picks and chooses the people...

It is overtelling again
I do not know when I am going to overcome this one.
Well, I will take off my perspective and settle with the description.
Thanks, Frank.

Meena.

I was happy to see "Creation Sustains," nominated.
Happier to find the poem being struck off.

Meena

That is a great critque, Kenneth.
Show me, don't tell me has become a maxim.
I will try my best to express a little and leave the rest to the reader's imagination.
That needs practice.
Thanks for reading and commenting.

Pruning, Billy!
The first stanza finds its way out along with few descriptions.
The poem looks neat. Thanks .
I will consider you suggestions.

Meena

The eyes stay wide open, the jaws drop as I walk through the grandeur, a temple 2000 years old. The towers in black granite vibrate with high energy. The delineated sculptures tell the story in stones. Expressive in character the four principal deities face the cardinal directions illustrate the con...

Siva, An analysis of the poem line by line. Interesting insights. The start itself is impressive. Humanitarian-- Boring Title. Travel reverse a distorted phrase. Should it be travel back? Of course, the articles, definite articles are too many and should be avoided. Noted. The cliche and the overtel...

Good poem, Kenneth. Love wanes as age advances. True. The imagery of the old China sets the tone of the poem. The hairline crack, the grey that fills add to the tempo. "Maybe" shows the lack of concern by the wife. Do whatever you want, I am not bothered, she wants to imply. The last line, I"d burn ...

I will revise the poem, Bernie.
Thanks for the edits.

True, the forum helps me to develop my writing ability. I aspire to become known as a poet.
I know, I have to go miles before I achieve the position.
Waiting for that day of glory.
Thanks, Bernie.

It is beautiful writing. I like the close very much.
I am not familiar with the setting, but could see the struggle, hear the noise, a different experience altogether.
Well done!
As bernie says, it will find its way to the IBPC.

Meena.

That is great!. Congrats, Frank.

Meena

Thanks, Frank. It is a detailed critique.
I will turn this into a good poem.
Need time.

The revised poem reads better and is enjoyable to you. Thanks, Bob.

Sure, Bernie. it is much better.
Thanks to you.

Thanks, Bernie. Your critique is encouraging. I will try to embellish it further. Thanks, Frank. I have learnt from your critique. i am grateful as always. As for the ratio of 3 to 1, I admit, I fall short of it. I try to write but hold my pen back know not for what when commenting on other's poems....

A revision is posted.
Waiting for Bernie's

Meena.

Thanks, Kenneth, for liking the poem. The strong points of the poem are the brevity and the dichotomy. Frank, nice to see you commenting on my poems beginning with the previous one, "Creation Sustains". As for Bernie's I am unable to answer. He needs a poetic, emotional drama. I have to work hard. A...

Revision The boat sails the trawlers whistle the wind warbles. Delighted to return with a bounteous capture they make merry. The fish squirm with anxiety try to plunge into the ocean eager to reunite. Melancholic they linger the canoe speeds ahead juxtaposed by joy and sorrow. Signs of storm in mids...

Is it so? That is news to me, Siva.

Is it an untold love?
I am curious to know.