New York Pitch Conference Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, and Poetry Forums

I like this... clever. The line that bothers me is “every day Sunday”.... I don’t know what that means

Thanks, Eira

Good one... the revision makes it better

Thanks, Siva

Tweaked S3...thx, Michael

Some excellent thoughts, guys... thank you... I will make adjustments... Frank, like especially the “pebbled shallows”

You’re right. They’re good suggestions... I will take advantage... thx, Billy, for confirmation

V3: Salmon Run He squirms under fallen branches leaps over toppled trees his gills burning as he hurdles over boulders his hump slicing the water as eagles' talons like trawling hooks skim the surface all while females at the run's end scoop redds in the riffle dropping their roe in pebbled shallows...

Thanks, Michael, especially for the time to make suggestions. Bob

I agree with everything Kenneth said. Excellent poem....the descriptions put you right there in the shed.

This is a good, dramatic story to pursue. However, don't just tell us about the protests, the bloodshedding, etc. Put us in the middle of a protest. Make us feel it. Make us see it. The "Go Away" slogan being shouted is good. Extend...give us more pictures. There is too much violence in our daily li...

I like the first stanza best....a subtle parallel with Mussolini might be a good approach to explore... political poems are incredibly difficult to make work....I admire your ambition They love his Mussolini pout, his windswept hair that flaps in the wind. They love his weaving hands that move sensu...

Meenas, Frank - thank you. Frank, I will think about your suggestion...thx for making it

Terrific poem... metaphor extended throughout... and that closing line is to die for... wonderful imaginative piece

Thank you, Ken, for saying that... many thanks

V2: Whistler's Mother Who would have thought a simple woman from Paterson would live on in the Musée d'Orsay? When the painting was first unveiled the critics were outraged as if their own sister had posed nude in a brothel. Some wag chirped her son must have positioned me that way to avoid gazing a...

Thanks, Michael, for your thoughts

This is close... there’s plenty to like, you paint a good scene. The tantalizingly tender and titillations lines aren’t needed. I like the warbler image, and might end the poem there. The last stanza is flat. Maybe you could either merge it with the previous stanza, but close on the warbler image or...

Eira, Billy — thank you so much for your comments

tweaked

Liked the change

Liked it...

Really nice flow and rhythm... especially liked

yet I thrust my nose forward,
to make good my nautical grades

Good one... loved this;


I lived on the outskirts
of their lives

I am not eligible this month but I gladly nominate Eira’s “Between Seasons”, Kenneth’s “Marooned” and Billy’s “ the music of minutes...”, excellent poems in a very good month of work at WB.