Bob---
clarity in abundance. but "four" uses of the word photos. suggest some change-up.
also, "work a holic." clear, but prosaic.
maybe a reference to several of his tasks...?
bob, the right idea and i enjoyed reading the poem, a nostalgic vision formed for me. very good.
bernie
Search found 777 matches
- 14 May 2017, 10:39
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Returning Home to Bury Dad
- Replies: 4
- Views: 9716
- 05 May 2017, 06:06
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming May IBPC 2017 (an earlier start)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 17479
Re: Upcoming May IBPC 2017 (an earlier start)
My original and unpublished poem that i prefer for additional coverage. Smiling at a Hotel Bar Window The year I came for you handsome as the Prince of Wales, a flat torso; my yellow slicker glistening with storm water; New girls replace your smile, waving from a bar hotel window, the dying voice of...
- 04 May 2017, 05:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Smiling Through a Hotel Bar Window
- Replies: 4
- Views: 8684
Re: Smiling Through a Hotel Bar Window
guys, many thanks for the comments and suggestions. i've made changes, but i want my hero to be a modern ruffian. he buys women.
any ISP nod is great.
bernie
any ISP nod is great.
bernie
- 17 Apr 2017, 02:08
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Smiling Through a Hotel Bar Window
- Replies: 4
- Views: 8684
Smiling Through a Hotel Bar Window
The year I came for you handsome as the Prince of Wales, a flat torso; my yellow slicker glistening with storm water; New girls replace your smile, waving from a bar hotel window, the dying voice of a waiter in a corridor lit with a 40-watt bulb. A gown slipping to the floor. A gifted watch, haute h...
- 17 Apr 2017, 01:32
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Cowboy Novel in Japanese
- Replies: 6
- Views: 12035
Re: Cowboy Novel in Japanese
thanks...i enjoy a literal statement among the fragments...think how Ulysses opens: "Plump Buck Mulligan...." Driving to Town Late to Mail a Letter It is a cold and snowy night. The main street is deserted. The only things moving are swirls of snow. As I lift the mailbox door, I feel its cold iron. ...
- 05 Apr 2017, 03:34
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Cowboy Novel in Japanese
- Replies: 6
- Views: 12035
Cowboy Novel in Japanese
It's the first line of my new western: Morning painted the color of a jewel worn by a Navajo woman marking a tourist ledger in Arizona. Later, the Asahi Shimbun translates my cowboy story as a long word in Japanese meaning: girl with p e a c o c k wings in blue dusk over Kobe. I pose beside my cowbo...
- 02 Apr 2017, 05:57
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: "davidic"
- Replies: 10
- Views: 15774
Re: "davidic"
M---
the phrasing is so original despite the economy of actual language. I found myself more fully
experiencing each conflagration of powerful words---words that in my heart intermix and often
fail to catch fire as a result.
very original pom.
bernie
the phrasing is so original despite the economy of actual language. I found myself more fully
experiencing each conflagration of powerful words---words that in my heart intermix and often
fail to catch fire as a result.
very original pom.
bernie
- 02 Apr 2017, 05:14
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A Fortune Seeker
- Replies: 7
- Views: 14487
Re: A Fortune Seeker
Oh, i like the line, i stay back in the land. subtle, yet clear. always, we try to avoid telling when we want to show.... ts in the wasteland: Sweat is dry and feet are in the sand If there were only water amongst the rock Dead mountain mouth of carious teeth that cannot spit Here one can neither st...
- 02 Apr 2017, 01:32
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Mozarts Tour
- Replies: 7
- Views: 14935
Re: The Mozarts Tour
Bob... wonderful...but why not start fortissimo? There is only one bed to share, with Leopold snoring all night like a warthog. In the morning they stand in a long line, famished until their host nods and Wolfi flops down onto a harpsichord's bench, his legs dangling a foot above the floor. As he pl...
- 02 Apr 2017, 00:47
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Postcards
- Replies: 5
- Views: 12803
Re: Postcards
Sergio--- love the death described here, just when we carelessly thought we understood love. Poem of My Sleeping Pity With closed eyes, wide of intimate voices, I stop in the century of my sleeping pen. I contemplate her in her dream ... Sleep your sad night Detached from the ground where my life s...
- 02 Apr 2017, 00:14
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: I Talk With Flowers.
- Replies: 5
- Views: 10113
Re: I Talk With Flowers.
M--- good job, but could you expose the reader to a deeper emotion, a savage image? the core for me is the poet on the garden edge, alone. how about sex? I bathe in the redened rose. Tulips force my legs, I succumb to the flower bed. Basil tells me something dirty. you see my devious thunking..... b...
- 02 Apr 2017, 00:06
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A Frozen Day
- Replies: 6
- Views: 11763
Re: A Frozen day at Winschoten
Frank--- more directness, streamlining and getting out of the reader's way to directly feel the action. omit: Over compacted snow, turning into the Hoofdweg. A sudden freeze, maybe a draught from Greenland, A flicker of frost, enough to lock the wheels. The car slipping sideways. An old man in a lon...
- 01 Apr 2017, 23:53
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: haiga
- Replies: 4
- Views: 9098
Re: haiga
B---
the imagery here is delicate, heartbreaking.
bernie
the imagery here is delicate, heartbreaking.
bernie
- 11 Jan 2017, 00:44
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Amazing Microcosm
- Replies: 4
- Views: 8417
Re: Amazing Microcosm
wonderful cascade of images in this narrative that holds together to make literary sense. you want a gay image here: And in a hundred years a hundred men will be happy men loving their husbands under those broad roofs, a perfume of forest i suggest something more physical, or visual: And in a hundre...
- 11 Jan 2017, 00:33
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Gravity And Marking The Horoscope
- Replies: 14
- Views: 20064
Re: Gravity And Marking The Horoscope
O--- big plus for original subject matter. i also like the narrative flow. only the final image, the close...can it be stronger? As their mother I knew when another soul had entered my body; the exact moment to be precise; if I had had a watch or a mobile, I could have set the time accurately. As th...
- 11 Jan 2017, 00:17
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A Cave Within A Cave
- Replies: 6
- Views: 10936
Re: A Cave Within A Cave
Billy: oh, that devastating final image: ...an echo becomes a scream, I lie in bed, the world turns under planetary eyelids like a fetus in the sheath of a womb. vivid and shattering. i stopped here. the image does not balance: bodies the color of the robes worn by Tibetan monks, earlobes hang like ...
- 11 Jan 2017, 00:02
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Broad Swelling Air
- Replies: 5
- Views: 10188
Re: Broad Swelling Air
billy....thanks. made/amended the three areas that you mention.
o.......and thanks to you, too. yes tight and i fumble for what i hope to produce.
bernie
o.......and thanks to you, too. yes tight and i fumble for what i hope to produce.
bernie
- 10 Jan 2017, 06:14
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Broad Swelling Air
- Replies: 5
- Views: 10188
Broad Swelling Air
Broad Swelling Air Clementines the color of cheeks washed in our rural morning air, the commonplace eyeglasses caramel colored, the vast eyes looking out into seamless faith, I cannot say I linger in words for which there is immutable time, recessive and swirled patterns, emotionless and gravely st...
- 31 Dec 2016, 07:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Some Big Stones
- Replies: 6
- Views: 10881
Re: Some Big Stones
Siva---
i particularly like a poem that steps swiftly into territory new to me.
very nice job.
big congrats on your IBPC award.
bernie
i particularly like a poem that steps swiftly into territory new to me.
very nice job.
big congrats on your IBPC award.
bernie
- 18 Dec 2016, 23:56
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: An Island Waiting for The Wings Of Garuda To Be Engineered
- Replies: 31
- Views: 48246
Re: An Island Waiting for The Wings Of Garuda To Be Engineer
love the title....longer than some poems.enjoyed this exercise in cultural education. however, the close makes sense only when you understand the speaker is looking from a bus window into a lush seacoast. an English lady fell into its belly e rice plateaus And terraced crops And there are these beac...
- 18 Dec 2016, 04:25
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Wat - Removed for Submissions
- Replies: 4
- Views: 10096
Re: The Water Carrier
a wonderful narrative that does not stumble or jumble. a clear and meaningful picture forms and deepens, a rich narrative. the reference to D'oyly, inspired. and to hear again of a water carrier i first learned about in Gunga Din, Bhisti. wonderful poem. masterful. a fine opportunity to learn new th...
- 17 Dec 2016, 10:53
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: All the Light Polaris Can See
- Replies: 3
- Views: 7738
All the Light Polaris Can See
In which ways do I miss you? Abandoned among cold rooms damp as water pipes, stumbling like a drunk in motel hallways. Nothing left to steal. The father bereft the mother absent. Love remembered, your clothes still hanging like vipers. The winter an empty Reykjavik in my heart, your flannel pajamas ...
- 17 Dec 2016, 09:39
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: For JJ (who proved more than her self in a man's world)
- Replies: 4
- Views: 8512
Re: For JJ (who proved more than her self in a man's world)
s-- I like this very much, the opening grabbed me and would not let go. this was wonderful for me: She turned and I recognized the actress Jayalalitha hiding behind her facade, in a Coimbatore Book Stall and the Coimbatore nameed book stall. great balance adding to the feeling of mystery. so clear, ...
- 17 Dec 2016, 09:27
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: My Garden Cooled Her Heels
- Replies: 13
- Views: 23504
Re: My Garden Cooled Her Heels
I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body, the sovereign nose of your arrogant face, I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes, and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight, hunting for you, for your hot heart, Like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.” ― Pablo Neruda “Tonight I...
- 15 Dec 2016, 05:45
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: My Garden Cooled Her Heels
- Replies: 13
- Views: 23504
Re: My Garden Cooled Her Heels
bob...
love the title so much....
but just a thought for the end:
a boyfriend on his way,
the new swimsuit
I'm just learning to use
a little hint of ....sex....
bernie
love the title so much....
but just a thought for the end:
a boyfriend on his way,
the new swimsuit
I'm just learning to use
a little hint of ....sex....
bernie