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"Escape from Routine", if I had to choose

Your poem is nominated

Revised

Thanks, Michael Bob Bradshaw bobbybradshw@yahoo.com the poem is my original and unpublished work and I don't have a poem committed to represent another board in the current IBPC. The Moon Walk It’s nearly another anniversary of the day Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin bounced across a powdery surface,...

That's sweet, meenas. Happy New Year to you and the rest of WB as well!

I nominate Siva's "Marakuli", Eira's "Escape from Routine" and Meenas' "A Manoeuvre"..... Michael, happy new year...may it be fun and filled with good writing....

Ok.....but first let me wish you a Happy New Year, and many glorious poems in 2020

This is a terrific subject..."an ordinary woman" comparing herself to her beloved mom. You do a good job, but again compressing the poem will improve it. I've tried to come up with an example. I rush off to school, juggling awkward books, always stooping to pick one up, as Mom, dressed in a pretty s...

New Year's Resolutions By my mid thirties I looked like an old man, two thirds of my hair a white fog. The white hairs were like notes warning of foreclosure, arriving more and more frequently. But did I change my life, set off on a yacht, circumnavigating the globe? No, I ignored my whitening hair....

Traveling With You Through Space Oh the memory....when we first kissed every fiber in my body stood up longing for your approval. Had they believed you would only return with Haley's Comet, they would have sworn their loyalty, combing the skies nightly for signs of you. Your kisses pulled me into yo...

Thanks for your help, Eira. Have a great new year!

What do you think of cutting the 1st two stanzas ans starting in S3?

Thanks so much, Eira. Any ideas for a new title?

Another revision....

No, I'm not counting syllables..."whatever" is standalone for emphasis....but if it doesn't work well to do that, I would like to know and include it in the next line. Bob

Which line are you referring to?

Ellen and Waldo Emerson Waldo, Waldo… Even a year after my death you feel my presence— a light flicking by a window, my breath stirring against your neck as you lie on your side at night, sleepless like that wretched moon. It both pleases and saddens me how you will suddenly stop what you are doing,...

You’re right, Judy.... best to put it aside for now....and rethink things.... thx for your input

This is much better. Still, it can be tightened. Here's one approach, to get you thinking.... meenas; Every evening I walk, a ploy to keep my legs active, mine being a strange case. I walk with ease for half an hour but I’m unable to stand for more than quarter an hour. I’m neither obese nor slender...

Judy, I am listening to your advice, and revising. A substantially different tact, for this latest version....

Would the closing line work better with "squeezed life into mine" instead of "wrung life into mine"? Or maybe the verb "pressed"?

You're using alliteration more and more....but here you capture the sensation of giggling with alliteration and assonance. Is it too much or just delightful? I think it's great

we giggle as tiddler’s fins tickle toes

Ah, middle age and the beginning demise....You capture the frustration of this well. I love the line "entered the middle age all too soon". Ha! True. There are a number of places to compress slightly...some here, some there. I like the idea of the closing line...but "appear" is like "really" in a po...

Revised....thx for your ideas, Judy....

Ok, I will play with it... thx