Search found 181 matches
- 13 Aug 2018, 02:34
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
- Replies: 17
- Views: 24920
Re: After Dinner- now Cast Iron
New revision, hopefully getting closer.
- 13 Aug 2018, 02:26
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Manimekalai
- Replies: 5
- Views: 10558
Re: Manimekalai
My lack of understanding regarding these customs is a great hinderance, but I can comprehend this woman’s passion for having a son and throwing herself deeply into whatever god she felt would help her the most.
- 13 Aug 2018, 02:18
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Mummer's Dance
- Replies: 5
- Views: 10046
Re: Mummer's Dance
I am blessed to not have experienced a violent childhood; as a result I find this story almost surreal. I think you have done a great job depicting the horrors of such a childhood, it helps me understand what others have endured, so good job; none-the-less, it is not the kind of poem I like to read,...
- 13 Aug 2018, 02:11
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Herrineren - Revised 10 August [with introductary passage]
- Replies: 10
- Views: 17803
Re: Herrineren - Revised 10 August
I recall commenting when the original version was posted that I needed more current details to help me see this old soldier and realize he was resurrecting horrible memories of war, his room, bedside table, attendants, the tension in the room. I find that while the new version does an excellent job ...
- 11 Aug 2018, 21:48
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
- Replies: 17
- Views: 24920
Re: After Dinner
Thanks Bob, that may be a good solution.
- 11 Aug 2018, 01:59
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Van Gogh, The Move to St-Remy - revised
- Replies: 7
- Views: 13020
Re: Van Gogh, The Move to St-Remy - revised
Nicely done Bob. As others have said, such a complex figure, a major undertaking.
- 11 Aug 2018, 01:54
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: I am Not Myself Alone
- Replies: 6
- Views: 11527
Re: I am Not Myself Alone
Interesting concept, carried further-
and if you were agile and found your way to my brain and connected to my thoughts, you would be amazed, or offended, perhaps embarrassed or a little ashamed.
Enjoyed, very creative.
and if you were agile and found your way to my brain and connected to my thoughts, you would be amazed, or offended, perhaps embarrassed or a little ashamed.
Enjoyed, very creative.
- 10 Aug 2018, 17:35
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
- Replies: 17
- Views: 24920
Re: After Dinner
Hi Frank, thanks for your crit. I did battle with the word death, opting at first to go against my gut and for the sake of the reader include it, but after Michaels push deciding to cut it. The goose down coat for me is a symbol of time passed. In the 1980’s I owned such a coat, so having still hang...
- 06 Aug 2018, 20:48
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
- Replies: 17
- Views: 24920
Re: After Dinner
Thanks Michael, I am posting a revision above that may address some of the issues.
- 06 Aug 2018, 02:29
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Progress Report From Molly
- Replies: 10
- Views: 15397
Re: Progress Report From Molly
Interesting story, the aging body dealing with therapy and medication. Thank God for that eclipse of breast and the Dewar’s. I wonder if the moons of S1 and the eclipse of the final S are one and the same. Never heard the term elephant-head.
- 06 Aug 2018, 02:20
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
- Replies: 17
- Views: 24920
Re: After Dinner
Yes indeed Ken, I agree, I’m trying to show how aging people grow tired of fighting the battle, how optimism turns to pessimism, yet they are at peace with it.
- 06 Aug 2018, 02:17
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
- Replies: 17
- Views: 24920
Re: After Dinner
Good call Bob, I am working on revisions and hope to post them in a few days.
- 06 Aug 2018, 02:16
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
- Replies: 17
- Views: 24920
Re: After Dinner
Thanks Siva- I am indeed looking to reintroduce the beginning into the end.
- 04 Aug 2018, 06:01
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: IBPC May 2018 - Congratulatons Dale for a Deserved 2nd Place
- Replies: 3
- Views: 11179
Re: IBPC May 2018 - Congratulatons Dale for a Deserved 2nd P
Thanks Michael.
- 03 Aug 2018, 19:21
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
- Replies: 17
- Views: 24920
After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
2nd Revision- Cast Iron My orange goose down coat and loose fitting ball cap hang on a hook, obscuring a somber grey scarf worn by my father. Black beans and onions simmer in a pot, corn bread is covered with a red gingham towel. Steam fogs the stove clock. Time is an uncertain song, a monotone a gr...
- 03 Aug 2018, 19:17
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Gigging on the French Broad. Revised
- Replies: 23
- Views: 31131
Re: Gigging on the French Broad
Nice detail, I think I’m now well prepared to go gigging.
- 03 Aug 2018, 19:14
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Drones
- Replies: 9
- Views: 14940
Re: Drones
Hi Bob, it’s fun to become a bee in the hive, nicely done.
- 03 Aug 2018, 19:12
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Right After My Marriage
- Replies: 5
- Views: 9232
Re: Right After My Marriage
Nicely detailed narrative.
- 03 Aug 2018, 19:09
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Truly Me
- Replies: 10
- Views: 18576
Re: Truly Me
Nicely done Meena hope it does well in IBPC.
- 01 Aug 2018, 17:53
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: IBPC May 2018 - Congratulatons Dale for a Deserved 2nd Place
- Replies: 3
- Views: 11179
Re: IBPC May 2018 - Congratulatons Dale for a Deserved 2nd P
Thanks Frank, I had forgotten about this until I saw Toni Clark mention it on Facebook.
- 01 Jun 2018, 14:24
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Shady Lane
- Replies: 5
- Views: 10486
Re: Shady Lane
Thanks to all, this one is in its infancy.
Frank, Lava is a brand name. I meant lights rise, but left it to the reader to connect the dots.
Yes capitals on GPS. I was actually going to say argue about nothing but felt some detail would be better.
Frank, Lava is a brand name. I meant lights rise, but left it to the reader to connect the dots.
Yes capitals on GPS. I was actually going to say argue about nothing but felt some detail would be better.
- 31 May 2018, 20:27
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Shady Lane
- Replies: 5
- Views: 10486
Shady Lane
Darkness slips through rows of corn onto a street of small vinyl houses. On the horizon lights from the quarry, warm dusty rose. The night shift is deep in ganister rock. Dayworkers are home, scrubbed clean with green Lava and watching TV. A man in white boxers steps onto his porch, leans to the dar...
- 31 May 2018, 20:17
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Sunday in Golden Gate Park
- Replies: 6
- Views: 11765
Re: Sunday in Golden Gate Park
Very nice Bob,
I wonder perhaps, pennies instead of coins. Like Bernie I thought, Three Coins in a Fountain. For me that’s distracting, but perhaps this connection was your intent.
I wonder perhaps, pennies instead of coins. Like Bernie I thought, Three Coins in a Fountain. For me that’s distracting, but perhaps this connection was your intent.
- 31 May 2018, 20:12
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Operetta Hero
- Replies: 8
- Views: 14752
Re: Operetta Hero
Hi Bernie, if that’s what it takes to be her hero, I’m out too, she sounds very needy, not open to honest criticism. I like those white shoes and dickie, reminds me of the 70’s. For me I want more.
- 31 May 2018, 20:06
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Marielitos
- Replies: 7
- Views: 13030
Re: Marielitos
Hi Kenneth, glad to read your work, a heart wrenching story. IMO, as a poem it needs to be tightened up, there are many great moments within your telling.