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I’ve shortened the poem to give it a better flow.

Thx for commenting but I don’t understand your gist. Could you elaborate?

V2: Beethoven Unhappy To view the trees across from his apartment, Uncle hired a stonemason to knock a hole in a wall. The landlord, enraged, demanded Uncle move. He couldn't satisfy critics anymore than landlords. " Why can’t you compose more like Haydn-- or Mozart ?" His orchestras were unhappy, a...

I like all of it except for this line. I guess my suggestion wasn't a good one. At any rate, "room" should be plural...and my question...are these two rooms referring to the bathrooms?

but an attached bathroom
is as if marriage revolved only in these two room

Thx, Siva. Your comments are helpful

Good descriptions. Overall a good poem. A couple suggestions: 1) nose lift s/b face lift 2) but an attached bathroom as if marriage revolved only in these two room sounds a bit off...should it be but an attached bathroom is as if marriage revolves only in these two rooms and for this line and the ro...

Enjoyed the charming lines about the tricycle, and more. Just a couple small suggestions: 1) change “with the driver” to “and the driver” 2) place a comma after “hair” 3) be more efficient with this line... she was over excited, and she narrated how a tricycle e.g., Grandma excitedly told how a tric...

v2: Heated Glass You vanished into your own world--suddenly deaf to my pleas, as if you’d dropped through a trap door. Yet I hoped our marriage, like the glass leaf that once fell from our highest shelf, could be restored. I was prepared to work at it. Shattered glass should never be tossed. In the ...

Good poem, Siva. No criticisms.. I enjoyed it all

Very nice poem, Siva. I enjoyed it. There are some tweaks that I would suggest. 1) Make book plural 2) put a period after "gates" 3) then put a comma after sky, instead of a semicolon 4) put "past" before "the sight"

Best

Thank you, Siva Bob Bradshaw bobbybradshw@yahoo.com The poem is my original and unpublished work and I don't have a poem committed to represent another board in the current IBPC. For Your Love From the stroller you lift your arms toward me as if you’re merely stretching after a long nap, but when Gr...

I nominate Siva's "Sunrise at...."

Thanks, guys

Thx, Michael... enjoyed the link

Kissing the Sky, Or Maybe the Sea Hendrix sang of kissing the sky. I prefer your kiss. Can clear or misty skies compete with your kiss? I cannot imagine kissing the sky. On my tiptoes, my mouth forever waiting... Unlike your kiss. Swinburne kissed the sea. Did it slam into him-- bent over-- knock hi...

Thx, Siva

Thanks, Ken

I like the concept and writing. I just find the next to last stanza too convenient, too implausible to happen at just this moment. I would prefer something more subtle to put off the murder...maybe news that her husband has just come from the doctor, her husband a man who doesn't cry but comes home ...

Ode to Olive Oil We could be standing on the north side of the Acropolis under a cobalt sky, a twisted olive tree leaning towards us. It was here long before we moved in, with silvery grey leaves and feathery white flowers. Tonight we'll enjoy Bistecca alla Fiorentina and a salad enhanced with virgi...

I think both do.

Very nice...your work has paid off well. Only minor touches are needed. nitpick: You need to change "over track" to "over the tracks". Maybe instead of "I thought", make it "I feared"? Also, 2 tmcft if sounded out would be very long...maybe "millions of cubic feet of water" or a more abstract descri...

It's to signal to attract the bachelors. Do fireflies experience anything like love? Who knows?

tweaked again

Revised opening stanza

Her Heart was a Taxi Speeding Out of Town Inheriting a gold mine wasn't better than the day I met Janie. Even when we had no money we never squabbled-- Janie as upbeat as mid-summer. Yet overnight things changed... why? Beneath the surface a world of permafrost formed. What the hell ....Janie looked...