Search found 181 matches

by IndianaDP
19 Sep 2018, 02:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965
Replies: 8
Views: 13678

Elk Grove Industrial Park 1965

Factory girls in coffee stained blouses with cigarette burns listen to transistor radios as they ride city buses into the park. Working the lines they sit on grey stools with their feet off the ground, count hose clamps and put them in cartons. Their boyfriends drive forklifts in circular routes, lo...
by IndianaDP
19 Sep 2018, 02:10
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Bobo The Chimp Types - revised (2)
Replies: 9
Views: 15496

Re: Bobo The Chimp Types

I love the oddity of this. I wonder if more of the chimp qualities might come out, you know less human more monkey. He hunts and pecks with the tips of his fingers, screams when the carriage bell rings.
by IndianaDP
19 Sep 2018, 02:00
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Camille - Asile de Montevergues (1914)
Replies: 5
Views: 10437

Re: Camille - Asile de Montevergues (1914)

Great story telling, it makes me want to know more.
by IndianaDP
19 Sep 2018, 01:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Under Other Stars
Replies: 3
Views: 7168

Re: Under Other Stars

Great poem Ken, your mother sounds like a wonderful woman. The ending so abrupt and so spot on.
by IndianaDP
03 Sep 2018, 18:29
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Congratulations Ken for 1st place June Ibpc 2018
Replies: 5
Views: 14480

Re: Congratulations Ken for 1st place June Ibpc 2018

Congratulations Ken, great poem I remember when you first posted it.
by IndianaDP
02 Sep 2018, 18:25
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming September IBPC 2018:
Replies: 18
Views: 35431

Re: Upcoming September IBPC 2018:

I second Bob’s Angel Island

Nominate Frank’s, Christmas in Wales
by IndianaDP
02 Sep 2018, 18:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Last Day
Replies: 3
Views: 7313

Re: The Last Day

This is an interesting biblical story. The original genesis account leaving so many openings to imagine and expand the story. The creation of Eve, so abstract, yet the whole bible story so unimaginable. Like Ken’s version, nicely done.
by IndianaDP
31 Aug 2018, 19:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Panhandler with Cat
Replies: 3
Views: 7157

Re: Panhandler with Cat

Great image Bob, nicely done.
by IndianaDP
31 Aug 2018, 19:41
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After The Beasts
Replies: 9
Views: 14328

Re: After The Beasts

Ah, Adam and Eve, now this is working. I think perhaps it would aid understanding if their was a stronger clue in the title.
by IndianaDP
31 Aug 2018, 19:36
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Doubt Wears a Necktie (revision)
Replies: 14
Views: 20245

Re: Doubt Wears a Necktie

Hi Frank, I see this man as a rule keeper, the church good at establishing its rules of fellowship, no dancing, cards, modest dress, etc. Different rules for different denomination, but rules. In his observance of rules he seems pious to others. In reality he too has his hidden vices (whiskey.) only...
by IndianaDP
29 Aug 2018, 23:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After The Beasts
Replies: 9
Views: 14328

Re: After The Beasts

Very interesting,deep and will require more reading. On the surface I see a wounded soldier,but then I not sure.
by IndianaDP
29 Aug 2018, 23:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Doubt Wears a Necktie (revision)
Replies: 14
Views: 20245

Re: Doubt Wears a Necktie

Thanks Ken, you are right about weight on his shoulders, I will work to revise.

There is a deeper vein to this simple poem. It’s about Christian faith, how it often wears a costume of piety, hides sin.
by IndianaDP
28 Aug 2018, 02:59
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Doubt Wears a Necktie (revision)
Replies: 14
Views: 20245

Re: Doubt Wears a Necktie

Thought vial looked wrong, saw the ‘s but forgot to change it.

The poem is about the appearance of faith amid doubts, yet faith endures. I want the message to be obscure, but there if you look.
by IndianaDP
27 Aug 2018, 22:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Stretto di Messina
Replies: 13
Views: 19859

Re: Stretto di Messina

Ah, I was sort of seeing that, but not trusting my instincts. I wonder if that section could be clarified to help the reader? Love the connection of eating oysters and the cruise women.
by IndianaDP
27 Aug 2018, 20:56
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Doubt Wears a Necktie (revision)
Replies: 14
Views: 20245

Doubt Wears a Necktie (revision)

Revision- To avoid the appearance of evil he wears a grey suit and a burgundy tie. His neighbor’s vile tongue is a lesson in patience he teaches his daughter. His truth has a crumbling edge the observance of ritual that numbs the observer. He prays before dinner, pleads for the lost and then asks fo...
by IndianaDP
27 Aug 2018, 20:49
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Snowy Egret
Replies: 4
Views: 8447

Re: Snowy Egret

Nicely written Bob, I like the irony of the crane, a symbol for long life, and the grandfather outliving his wife.
by IndianaDP
27 Aug 2018, 20:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Stretto di Messina
Replies: 13
Views: 19859

Re: Stretto di Messina

The descriptions of geography are very poetic and pleasing. My lack of knowledge concerning the working of ships however makes it hard to fully understand the story. It seems that just before reaching safe harbor the storm has caused the engines to fail , then upon looking to repair them a stash of ...
by IndianaDP
18 Aug 2018, 00:32
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Penitent
Replies: 7
Views: 11705

Re: Nineveh

Hi Ken, you have done an excellent job in retelling one of my favorite bible stories, well done. Since this is such a well known story the parts that held my attention most were those where you filled in the blanks with your own ideas. Certainly this is an excellent write and can stand as it is, but...
by IndianaDP
16 Aug 2018, 02:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 24710

Re: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron

Thanks Michael, I’ve incorporated some of your suggestions.
by IndianaDP
16 Aug 2018, 02:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Max the Queensland Cattle Dog
Replies: 5
Views: 9601

Re: Max the Queensland Cattle Dog

Not expecting the dog to be the narrator, interesting perspective, nicely done.
by IndianaDP
16 Aug 2018, 02:24
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Renegade Relapse
Replies: 6
Views: 10923

Re: Renegade Relapse

Great story.
by IndianaDP
16 Aug 2018, 02:23
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Replies: 20
Views: 25483

Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933

Nicely written Bob, great story. I like how either the paper daughter or paper son are his vehicle to citizenship, a vehicle that if rejected becomes the folded paper boat that sinks with his dreams.
by IndianaDP
13 Aug 2018, 02:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Herrineren - Revised 10 August [with introductary passage]
Replies: 10
Views: 16935

Re: Herrineren - Revised 10 August

I guess I’m wondering, is he talking to his son, is there a photo of his wife on the nightstand, is he in a nursing home, in his own home, something that helps put me into the scene.