Search found 382 matches
- 23 Nov 2017, 03:05
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Sparrows Sing (revision)
- Replies: 14
- Views: 23689
Re: The Sparrows Sing
Clever but not gimmicky. I enjoy poems that dont give it all away in the beginning. We know our pets are part human and they know we are part animal, and thus we bond. You bring that to light in this piece. I dont see anything i would suggest by way or revision, from what ive come to know of you, t...
- 23 Nov 2017, 03:01
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Sparrows Sing (revision)
- Replies: 14
- Views: 23689
Re: The Sparrows Sing (revision)
Hi Bernie - so glad I fooled you!
I've written a revision, so I hope I haven't spoiled it!
Eira
I've written a revision, so I hope I haven't spoiled it!
Eira
- 16 Nov 2017, 04:21
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Sparrows Sing (revision)
- Replies: 14
- Views: 23689
The Sparrows Sing (revision)
The Sparrows Sing (slight trim & quatrains) Smitten by your freckled face and slender form but not fooled by that innocent appearance, I recognised a feisty female lurked, unafraid to fight the girls encroaching on your territory. You were a flirt, wooed by a father and son – the junior we nicknamed...
- 16 Nov 2017, 03:50
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: With a Nod to Harvey Weinstein
- Replies: 7
- Views: 13153
Re: With a Nod to Harvey Weinstein
A very topical subject which you have handled very well, Kenneth.
I would not have thought of it myself, but Bernie's suggestion might work well, starting with that change in stanza.
Eira
I would not have thought of it myself, but Bernie's suggestion might work well, starting with that change in stanza.
Eira
- 16 Nov 2017, 03:45
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Reverie (tweaked slightly)
- Replies: 10
- Views: 21034
Re: Reverie
Gracy, I am so glad you didn't remove this. It is highly original and well thought out. Kenneth is right, you should never remove after just one reply (or even a lot more, in my opinion) One place made me wonder perhaps bacteria in the guts of a volcano, Bacillus infernus generating sulphur and iron...
- 16 Nov 2017, 03:37
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Kenneth2816 wrote:Yes for December.
- 16 Nov 2017, 03:36
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Nuns Hover
- Replies: 11
- Views: 16546
Re: The Nuns are Coming
Brilliant Frank! This is such a fun read which took me through each stanza without a break.
Just one thought should this line be
The Irish quarter was a tenth of the town, they[’d] came to dig - they came to dig
Enjoyed the read!
Eira
Just one thought should this line be
The Irish quarter was a tenth of the town, they[’d] came to dig - they came to dig
Enjoyed the read!
Eira
- 10 Nov 2017, 13:10
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Good - it's not been published so I'd be honoured to accept a nomination, Kenneth. Thanks!Kenneth2816 wrote:No rules are being broken as long as its never been published
That is for going off next month isn't it, as I have one being sent from another site this month?
Eira
- 10 Nov 2017, 02:16
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Eira For what my opinion s worth, this is a new poem, the whole style has changed, about a third of the wording too, a new title and it is a new poem, I advise you to accept Ken's generous nom. regards I would love to accept, Frank as long as I'm not breaking any rules. I feel honoured that Kenneth...
- 10 Nov 2017, 01:35
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Thank you so much, Meena.meenas17 wrote:I love this poem, Eira.
I do not want to say anything more.
Meena.
Eira
- 10 Nov 2017, 01:33
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
With your permission, id like to nom this for Nov ipbc Thank you so much Kenneth, but this was sent to IBPC in July (and not placed) so I don't know what the rules would be about sending a revision off. I brought it here to give some thought to revising it, hoping to find somewhere to submit it. Ne...
- 10 Nov 2017, 01:21
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Eira So impressed you have worked on this for a year and not afraid to take advice when it agrees with you and change. The quatrains have worked a treat and it looks a lot tidier, not that is so important. I also think Gracy has a point on: "gaping cavity".. It did not jar first time around, but lo...
- 10 Nov 2017, 01:16
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Hi Gracy,
You know all the background to this Max will have been gone 2 years in February.
I quite like 'gaping cavity' lol! Trouble is I've used 'chasm' and 'void' in other stanzas describing the hole. I'll see if I can find another word I like.
Eira
You know all the background to this Max will have been gone 2 years in February.
I quite like 'gaping cavity' lol! Trouble is I've used 'chasm' and 'void' in other stanzas describing the hole. I'll see if I can find another word I like.
Eira
- 06 Nov 2017, 00:43
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Visit From My Father
- Replies: 6
- Views: 11406
Re: Visit From My Father
Great writing, Kenneth. Really like this and the ending - was wondering how it would end. Not too keen on 4 instead of four in L1, but I think that's probably just me.
Eira
Eira
- 06 Nov 2017, 00:39
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
So glad you think so too. Thanks for letting me know.Kenneth2816 wrote:I think this better fits the formal language of the poem.
Eira
- 06 Nov 2017, 00:37
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Lawsuit Against the World Settled In My Favor
- Replies: 8
- Views: 16232
Re: Lawsuit Against the World Settled In My Favor
Yes, I think the actresses could be updated, but this is a brilliant poem Bernie. Written sensitively and not ott. Hoping you accept the nomination.
Eira
Eira
- 06 Nov 2017, 00:29
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Begonias and Glass
- Replies: 8
- Views: 13212
Re: Begonias and Glass
Begonias and Glass * There you are pruning them, mother, a glass of water drawn in winter. I stand on a stool, shirtless, smiling like a fool for love. They hang above the sink in the sunniest window, fragile, a stem or two clinging to dear life. The two of us laugh about nothing. They'll survive w...
- 06 Nov 2017, 00:23
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree
A lovely, quiet and moving poem....I really liked the stellar ending: I first saw Max in a dream-chase, the tabby scurries from Sheba’s shady grave. Now he rests beside her. Seedtime rays and drizzle foster apple blossoms to unfurl today; narcissi gently waver where heads once bowed. Thank you Bob!...
- 06 Nov 2017, 00:22
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Thank you Bernie for your encouraging comments.
btw - pashmina is one of my favourite words.
Eira
btw - pashmina is one of my favourite words.
Eira
- 06 Nov 2017, 00:20
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree
Thank you LindaLindaLinda wrote:Really beautiful Eira,
both the language, content and clear images,
A feat in itself to control the sentiment in a piece like this.
I find no changes to suggest.
Best Linda
Eira
- 06 Nov 2017, 00:19
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Hi Frank,
This isn't the same poem that you recall - that's why lots have been missed out. I always intended to write a poem about the Braeburn tree as it is central to a few poems I've written. Glad you feel it's an improvement.
Eira
This isn't the same poem that you recall - that's why lots have been missed out. I always intended to write a poem about the Braeburn tree as it is central to a few poems I've written. Glad you feel it's an improvement.
Eira
- 06 Nov 2017, 00:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
Re: The Braeburn Tree
Very lovely. Formal,with its own internal cadence. Stanza 5 is other worldly and I'm thinking it's about putting down a beloved pet, but I'm ok with not knowing for sure. I can't find anything I'd change, Eira. The elevated tone and language tell me you did not rush this one. The voice has twinges ...
- 27 Oct 2017, 00:29
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 37485
The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains) Mother-like it stoops to watch Sheba’s endless sleep, drapes its blush pashmina over her in spring. Its trunk inclines across the slender path to bask in solar warmth; branches grasp us as we grapple to pass. After harvest, we shovel it out, abandon windfal...
- 27 Oct 2017, 00:24
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Old Armchair (revision)
- Replies: 17
- Views: 26710
Re: The Old Armchair (revision)
Hi Bernie
Thanks for visiting again. I'm pleased this is growing on you.
You have given me more to think over - I shall consider everything carefully
thank you!
Eira
Thanks for visiting again. I'm pleased this is growing on you.
You have given me more to think over - I shall consider everything carefully
thank you!
Eira
- 27 Oct 2017, 00:19
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Old Armchair (revision)
- Replies: 17
- Views: 26710
Re: The Old Armchair (revision)
Thank you KennethKenneth2816 wrote:Very lovely