Search found 382 matches

by capricorn
23 Nov 2017, 03:05
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Sparrows Sing (revision)
Replies: 14
Views: 23689

Re: The Sparrows Sing

Clever but not gimmicky. I enjoy poems that dont give it all away in the beginning. We know our pets are part human and they know we are part animal, and thus we bond. You bring that to light in this piece. I dont see anything i would suggest by way or revision, from what ive come to know of you, t...
by capricorn
23 Nov 2017, 03:01
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Sparrows Sing (revision)
Replies: 14
Views: 23689

Re: The Sparrows Sing (revision)

Hi Bernie - so glad I fooled you!

I've written a revision, so I hope I haven't spoiled it!

Eira
by capricorn
16 Nov 2017, 04:21
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Sparrows Sing (revision)
Replies: 14
Views: 23689

The Sparrows Sing (revision)

The Sparrows Sing (slight trim & quatrains) Smitten by your freckled face and slender form but not fooled by that innocent appearance, I recognised a feisty female lurked, unafraid to fight the girls encroaching on your territory. You were a flirt, wooed by a father and son – the junior we nicknamed...
by capricorn
16 Nov 2017, 03:50
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: With a Nod to Harvey Weinstein
Replies: 7
Views: 13153

Re: With a Nod to Harvey Weinstein

A very topical subject which you have handled very well, Kenneth.

I would not have thought of it myself, but Bernie's suggestion might work well, starting with that change in stanza.

Eira
by capricorn
16 Nov 2017, 03:45
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Reverie (tweaked slightly)
Replies: 10
Views: 21034

Re: Reverie

Gracy, I am so glad you didn't remove this. It is highly original and well thought out. Kenneth is right, you should never remove after just one reply (or even a lot more, in my opinion) One place made me wonder perhaps bacteria in the guts of a volcano, Bacillus infernus generating sulphur and iron...
by capricorn
16 Nov 2017, 03:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)

Kenneth2816 wrote:Yes for December.
:D :D :D
by capricorn
16 Nov 2017, 03:36
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Nuns Hover
Replies: 11
Views: 16546

Re: The Nuns are Coming

Brilliant Frank! This is such a fun read which took me through each stanza without a break.
Just one thought should this line be

The Irish quarter was a tenth of the town, they[’d] came to dig - they came to dig

Enjoyed the read!
Eira
by capricorn
10 Nov 2017, 13:10
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)

Kenneth2816 wrote:No rules are being broken as long as its never been published
Good - it's not been published so I'd be honoured to accept a nomination, Kenneth. Thanks!

That is for going off next month isn't it, as I have one being sent from another site this month?

Eira
by capricorn
10 Nov 2017, 02:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)

Eira For what my opinion s worth, this is a new poem, the whole style has changed, about a third of the wording too, a new title and it is a new poem, I advise you to accept Ken's generous nom. regards I would love to accept, Frank as long as I'm not breaking any rules. I feel honoured that Kenneth...
by capricorn
10 Nov 2017, 01:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)

meenas17 wrote:I love this poem, Eira.
I do not want to say anything more.

Meena.
Thank you so much, Meena.

Eira
by capricorn
10 Nov 2017, 01:33
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)

With your permission, id like to nom this for Nov ipbc Thank you so much Kenneth, but this was sent to IBPC in July (and not placed) so I don't know what the rules would be about sending a revision off. I brought it here to give some thought to revising it, hoping to find somewhere to submit it. Ne...
by capricorn
10 Nov 2017, 01:21
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)

Eira So impressed you have worked on this for a year and not afraid to take advice when it agrees with you and change. The quatrains have worked a treat and it looks a lot tidier, not that is so important. I also think Gracy has a point on: "gaping cavity".. It did not jar first time around, but lo...
by capricorn
10 Nov 2017, 01:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)

Hi Gracy,

You know all the background to this :) Max will have been gone 2 years in February.

I quite like 'gaping cavity' lol! :lol: Trouble is I've used 'chasm' and 'void' in other stanzas describing the hole. I'll see if I can find another word I like.

Eira
by capricorn
06 Nov 2017, 00:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Visit From My Father
Replies: 6
Views: 11406

Re: Visit From My Father

Great writing, Kenneth. Really like this and the ending - was wondering how it would end. Not too keen on 4 instead of four in L1, but I think that's probably just me. :roll:

Eira
by capricorn
06 Nov 2017, 00:39
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)

Kenneth2816 wrote:I think this better fits the formal language of the poem.
So glad you think so too. Thanks for letting me know.

Eira
by capricorn
06 Nov 2017, 00:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Lawsuit Against the World Settled In My Favor
Replies: 8
Views: 16232

Re: Lawsuit Against the World Settled In My Favor

Yes, I think the actresses could be updated, but this is a brilliant poem Bernie. Written sensitively and not ott. Hoping you accept the nomination.

Eira
by capricorn
06 Nov 2017, 00:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Begonias and Glass
Replies: 8
Views: 13212

Re: Begonias and Glass

Begonias and Glass * There you are pruning them, mother, a glass of water drawn in winter. I stand on a stool, shirtless, smiling like a fool for love. They hang above the sink in the sunniest window, fragile, a stem or two clinging to dear life. The two of us laugh about nothing. They'll survive w...
by capricorn
06 Nov 2017, 00:23
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree

A lovely, quiet and moving poem....I really liked the stellar ending: I first saw Max in a dream-chase, the tabby scurries from Sheba’s shady grave. Now he rests beside her. Seedtime rays and drizzle foster apple blossoms to unfurl today; narcissi gently waver where heads once bowed. Thank you Bob!...
by capricorn
06 Nov 2017, 00:22
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)

Thank you Bernie for your encouraging comments.
btw - pashmina is one of my favourite words. :D

Eira
by capricorn
06 Nov 2017, 00:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree

LindaLinda wrote:Really beautiful Eira,
both the language, content and clear images,
A feat in itself to control the sentiment in a piece like this.
I find no changes to suggest.
Best Linda
Thank you Linda

Eira
by capricorn
06 Nov 2017, 00:19
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)

Hi Frank,

This isn't the same poem that you recall - that's why lots have been missed out. I always intended to write a poem about the Braeburn tree as it is central to a few poems I've written. Glad you feel it's an improvement.

Eira
by capricorn
06 Nov 2017, 00:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

Re: The Braeburn Tree

Very lovely. Formal,with its own internal cadence. Stanza 5 is other worldly and I'm thinking it's about putting down a beloved pet, but I'm ok with not knowing for sure. I can't find anything I'd change, Eira. The elevated tone and language tell me you did not rush this one. The voice has twinges ...
by capricorn
27 Oct 2017, 00:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)
Replies: 27
Views: 37485

The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains)

The Braeburn Tree (rewritten in quatrains) Mother-like it stoops to watch Sheba’s endless sleep, drapes its blush pashmina over her in spring. Its trunk inclines across the slender path to bask in solar warmth; branches grasp us as we grapple to pass. After harvest, we shovel it out, abandon windfal...
by capricorn
27 Oct 2017, 00:24
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Old Armchair (revision)
Replies: 17
Views: 26710

Re: The Old Armchair (revision)

Hi Bernie

Thanks for visiting again. I'm pleased this is growing on you. :D

You have given me more to think over - I shall consider everything carefully

thank you!

Eira
by capricorn
27 Oct 2017, 00:19
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Old Armchair (revision)
Replies: 17
Views: 26710

Re: The Old Armchair (revision)

Kenneth2816 wrote:Very lovely
Thank you Kenneth :D