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B

I removed those lines because they were so personal and I was embarrassed at being so outspoken in a public place. Even the chaff is grit for a poet--is that how it goes?

S

B

The activity in this board is inspiring.

S

Like the poem and the title.

B
Your version reads well.Mine spreads throughout the page.
S

Bernie.

Thank you.
Your version is a poem.Mine prose in poetry form.
Coal and diamond are both carbon--depends on how long they stay underneath,in the mines.
I like the Bharathi Cloth Mill. Not 'clothe? That is a verb.



S

I like the brevity of this poem.

S

I have been reading the poem and the comments.Enjoyed the reasoning in the critiquing session.The poem is a statement in humour. I have heard of comparing the familiar to the unfamiliar,but this beats both.

S

So such a fascinating tale of woe and superstition, bands of religion and astrology which traps people into situations that only craft and guile can untie...... Frank A diamond is a prism that splits white light; the good and bad is everything to do with our frame of mind before making the purchase...

Now I have to work on the second half of the poem.Maybe another poem--which happens years later.


Siva

B

You have understood this poem better than I have.Can I retain your version,please? Thank you.

S

When I saw the partially built flats in the distance, I paused, not really wanting to climb dusty construction ladders. When completed, I did visit, Amma's room, splayed with sunlight like the gold pagoda of Mum Moorthis in par with her single cot and her night stand of ivory gods., Her large window...

Thanks for your edit Frank.I have started working on this.

S

Remembering Archer

I dismounted your sex.
Let go of your lips.
Untangled our legs.
Threw out the condoms.

Night started at 8:00
till 4:00 in the morning.

We slept. Huddled up
in wait of the daylight.

Remembering Archer

I dismounted your sex.
Let go of your lips.
Untangled our legs.

Threw out the condoms.

Night started at 8:00
till 4:00 in the morning.

We slept. Huddled up
in wait of the daylight.

Will work on this,Sergio. I thought I would write out the conclusion in prose first.

Siva

Bob,I have read the poem and the comments. Maybe I will think of something to say.Enough that I like it.

Siva

I like the third stanza best.About the second stanza--it is a bit cloyed.The sense of sweetness without using the word,perhaps? I also like how the poem falls.

S

When I saw the partially built flats in the distance, I paused, not really wanting to climb dusty construction ladders. When completed, I did visit Amma's room, splayed with sunlight like the gold pagoda of Mum Moorthis, but featuring her single cot and night stand of ivory gods. Her large window op...

Michael

Please remove my nomination. Another board is representing another poem of mine.

Siva

Congratulations Michael! Saw this only now.

Siva

Michael and Billy

First of all I apologise to the Writer's Block.And second I would like to thank Billy for letting me know.The nomination has been done on September 2nd. I checked mail last midnight.I now withdraw my poem 'A Fistful of Amargil' from being nominated.

Siva

Billy
Let me check up and come back to this board.

Siva

Michael

I have posted the version that I want to be forwarded in my acceptance post.

Siva

Kenneth,Frank and Michael,

Please read this once more.

S

In this house I had graduated to two rooms a study in the front, eight by eight that let in the smell that burst out of pineapples ripening. The other was a sleeping room on the terrace, first time first floor, with a balcony the sky a half hemisphere. For a minor brabble Amma made her umpteenth att...