New York Pitch Conference Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, and Poetry Forums

I'm trying a different approach with this poem...going with just the innocent side of things....

Changed per your guys' suggestions. Thx

Thanks, guys. You’re right. No compelling reason. That’s just the way I read it aloud. I just like the extra emphasis on pjs. But it’s good to know it doesn’t work. That’s why we workshop. I will change it.

That would be great….they would be welcomed

Agreed. A poignant poem. Something we all consider, at least briefly, at our age:

I think about changing my plans,
becoming a better person
that people will remember.
Forget the one great poem,
the retiree painting in the garage,

People in workshops are very sensitive to hurting others’ feelings. That’s why defending one’s work discourages constructive criticism. The criticism here tends to be very mild anyway. It’s never personal, and so I take what I find is helpful, and apply it, and shrug off what I don’t agree with. I r...

Thanks, Caleb, for your comments. Much appreciated

No apologies needed, now or in the future. A poetry workshop is meant to be 1) fun and supportive and 2) a place to improve one’s work through constructive criticism. Here we don’t defend our poems. Why? Defending one’s work discourages future constructive criticism. Receiving constructive criticism...

I objected to the word “early”, not to the nineteen eighties reference. I didn’t ask for those 2 lines you cited to be removed, but to be cut “a bit”. I am not going to debate your points, but I apologize if I was insensitive in my suggestions. I will tone them down in the future. You’re a good writ...

I like the close. It’s fab. I know the intent is to create a believable, casual voice but don’t use filler. For example”Every so often”. Can’t this be said with one word? Why do we need to know that this scene took place in the “early” nineteen eighties? I suggest going through the poem and looking ...

I sometimes write persona poems. I love Shakespeare’s female characters, especially Kate in The Taming of the Shrew. So, of course, I am ok with men writing about women, and with females writing about males, etc. All I am looking for is a good poem, politically correct or not. My poem doesn’t have t...

So glad that you’re writing here! Your poem is darn good. I don’t know why others would have objected to your beginning…. I don’t agree that the world isn’t at times moved by force, but it doesn’t matter. I can see the N believing it, or at least rationalizing it. Bottom line, it works for the poem....

Thanks, guys. Your revision is lovely, Ieuan….I like that snow image… something to think about incorporating

Billy, you’re right… they lost their fire for each other though Tom’s was rekindled for someone else….

Emma


Their ardor was a cold furnace.
So Emma abandoned Tom's bed,
moved to the attic,
loneliness as accepted as winter snow.
At her age it wasn't possible
to still be shaped
by someone’s touch--
to take in an ardent lover
the way heated glass opens up
to a glassblower’s breath.

I’m glad it was done purposely, and over 2 years. Congrats… that’s a difficult thing to achieve

You lost 56 pounds recently from not eating sugar? That sounds very concerning. Did you lose the weight purposely?

What are you talking about? You’ve been writing splendidly for the last few years….this one is odd but it’s only one.

Choux à la crème I was never alone. I had the comfort of donuts--sugar, powdered, glazed--and pastries: mille-feuille, kouign amann. My heaven was one filled with Choux à la crème. Is it surprising no one would sit with me in the cafeteria? There was no confusion about my role. I was the example of ...

Ieuan, this sounds like the early poetry of yours that I used to read here, full of machinery but in need of focus and trimming. Machinery and how it works is fascinating, but fascinating is never enough. Conciseness, precision, attributes of machine and poetry, are what are needed. For one thing, t...

Revisions When I started the year I had a job and an apartment, books strewn everywhere, on shelves, the floor, my bed. But I messed up at work, got fired, and my landlord opened my door and coaxed me out like a stray dog. And here I am sleeping on a roof of a rich hotel, a thin cloud my blanket, th...

There is a lot of good writing, especially in your opening stanzas. However, the emotional impact is diluted considerably by the N’s meandering from place to place, and by his ruminations. The poem needs to be shortened, and to hone in on maybe Kate and their relationship. The poem works beautifully...

I agree…. It’s a well designed, lovely pub that really shows off one’s work well. I look forward to seeing your poem in January!

I have 2 poems featured at The Wise Owl…. And I am honored to be their Poet Of The Month. I have never been featured in a publication before…. So I am excited to see these two poems finally in print in this beautiful publication. Check out the link at
https://www.thewiseowl.art/bob-bradshaw

I like all of this, Billy. It’s a fine poem. No nits.

I love how you end, without the discontent body in tow.

I can still travel from dream to dream
without this discontent body in tow.

Chevalier de Saint-Georges   Hadn't their rival stares like the tips   of their raised swords   looked to wound?  And hadn't the Chevalier   defeated the finest fencer   from Rouen, standing up to his taunts   as Boëssière’s mulatto?     After that, didn't the ladies     invite him into their salons...