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I saw that. Im impressed, in spite of myself. And thank you.

I would like to nominate Bob's "Emily Dicxkinson" poem for inclusion.

You've switched pronouns in mid poem, Ken, it's very confusing.
"my father forbade it" becomes, in the next stanza, "I said no."

I think this needs both some reworking and maybe condensing.

This was the problem I was having with the poem, and what was obviously the problem other people were having too; they were confused by the lack of nails in the board, so to speak. And you know, I stared at that and stared at that, and realized that while I thought I'd been writing about a husband/l...

Fledgling if you were to go from here trailing your long white feet in the dust like a flightless bird wanting to fly, not knowing how I would wait to watch you go, heart aching but closed against the weather brewing in your eyes: never saying stay or go only wait for you to come back as if nothing ...

Preview: Re: Flight flight if you were to go from here trailing your long white feet in the dust like a flightless bird wanting to fly, not knowing how I would wait to watch you go, heart closed against the weather brewing in your eyes: never saying stay or go only wait for you to come back as if no...

flight if you were to go from here trailing your long white feet in the dust like a flightless bird wanting to fly, not knowing how, I would wait to watch you go, heart closed against the weather brewing in your eyes: never saying stay or go only wait for you to come back as if nothing had happened,...

Smiles. I love ancient places like this. Here in NH we have Lost River, which is an amazing complex of rivers, caves, and trails. I am no longer willing or able to root through the caves, but the rest is still doable. Put this away for now, and take in out in a week or two and see where you could my...

I didn't say it was bad, though. It's got some dynamite lines in it, and it might be worth taking those and building something slightly mystical about Devil's Courthouse from it. I agree, it's difficult to get the poetic slant into a real place without the travel description. And I knew it was real,...

I've read this over a few times, and what stands out (for me) is: "way too much information". It becomes a kind of dissertation on Devil's Courthouse with linebreaks. My inclination would be to turn it into more poem and less travelogue. When I was looking this place up, one line caught my attention...

definitely a title that catches one's, er, imagination

ohhh one last jab.
"he dines on cold mutton" rather than "a supper of"--
it seems more formal, and more elegant.
Just a small nit, but I just saw that...

just a few thoughts, none of them anything more than personal taste--have you tried this with less punctuation? sometimes a poem like this can run on line breaks, trusting the reader to make his own stops. i.e. the water muddy a whirlpool of illusions banks lifted high as skirts no matter how you sl...

I like this. No, I've never read much of Faulkner, but neither am i consumed with a need to know what you're not telling us. =) I like this the way it is, dark and slightly turbulent, I think I'd try to eliminate one of the sets of repetition in the first stanza, possibly the double "again". Keep it...

Billy, it's okay. Read what you write outloud, that's one sure way of catching most of the nits
before they ever get posted. For a first draft, this is excellent.

I agree, this is just plain fun.

This has elegance. However. You knew there would be a however. I would ease up on the luxurious descriptions in the first stanza. "the hiss of steam, a gurgle of ansinthe, the rattle of coins, a stroke of linen", etc etc too many and too repetitive. You have to be a bit ruthless, or you'll lose your...

I had to read it more than once to get the shape of it. Carefully done.

I think if'n it were mine I'd eliminate "seems" from the fourth stanza.
"seems" and "as if" are really the same thing, spelled differently. =)

I can remember that too. Way way back the poets were lucky if they lasted two days, as the older posts would scroll down to the bottom and disappear very vast. It was numbing, in many ways.

well thank you. Did anyone ever tell you what exquisite taste you have...
I do keep tinkering with it, in a small way, to me it reads a bit like a surreal dream
that keeps shifting with the light.

Across the River we stand at the edge of a field, empty except for new fallen snow and the promise of wheat beneath the snow; stand in the field looking at the city across the river, blue and silver, the color of water at sunrise water giving back the sunrise to people who walk up and down, people o...

It seems that the problem might just be that we have no idea where you are or where you're headed in the poem, or out of it. It's one thing to be the lost one in a poem, but the reader is in on it from the start. They can empathize, throw rocks, or sympathize. But this one seems bent on keeping the ...

I do like this. It moves down the page well, keeps the reader interested and informed at the same time. Not an easy task, sometimes. And yeah, i like the change in pronoun. Still don't like the question thingy. =) One suggestion (take or leave, up to you) "he seriously considered it. How else to alw...

Billy, i like that. Even a skunk has feelings. =)

Frank, I don't burn easily, trust me. ahaha I like your style,
but the whole idea is about a 'prick' of sorts, don't want to
be totally redundant there.

Bob, come sit by me on the comfy bench in the sun. You're both right. I'm glad Im here too, and no im not a sensitive blossom, I'm just delighted that one small wheel started to turn, up there. Finally. It's hard, sometimes, to realize that maybe you've used up all the words and the ideas, but maybe...