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Thanks ken and bob

Echocardiogram A ghostly skull from a black and white Looney Tune dances on screen, jack-in-the-box flaps popping open with the mechanical spasticity of a windup monkey band. Little bagpipe grunts and strains. I'm not awed by the miracle of life, swishing and gurgling like a Maytag washer from the ...

I was a little confused. I guess I was from the beginning thinking it was a heart attack not a suicide, then it seems the heart attack was because of a suicide of the wife?

Thanks Michael and Siva

Yes, Michael, the title lends itself to several meanings.

I've lived with the Diné and Hopi and the Arapaho. I have several Indian names given to me, mostly humorous. Yes, simplicity. As for peaches I'll keep it. Peaches grow in Arizona, and they were tasty. Actually, California and South Carolina grow more peaches than Georgia, but Georgia is the peach st...

Little One I will tell you of forgetting of the peach tree beside the sweat lodge. The warm Arizona nights. The blood red moon at dusk. The blood red sun at noon. The mountains and chaparral wedded to the sky. In the wind the answers to all the prayers rise in cedar smoke. Its fragrance fills the r...

Yes, good poem, I can't see anywhere at this moment of reading it to make any suggestions to make it better.

I agree with Bob's appraisal. I, too, found that stanza not to have the same simple beauty of the rest of the poem. I do love the feel of this poem, the atmosphere.

i would have been happy with just the change you made in final stanza. i liked the annoyed man stanza but you’re probably right about cutting it. i liked the cinder block steps but not essential. and the amber wasnt exactly a clear image but i liked it. overall good revision

really great: “like birds through an open window”

great poem
i might end it this way:


Yet here I am, disinherited, an island
you have purged from your map.
Oh, Papa, for too long
I was an invalid whose friends
existed on paper.
My heart’s no longer merely
a postal destination.

but maybe not.

was the kind old lady talking to herself rolled up nylons sagging around her ankles the grocery cart a Rolls Royce of carts living on wheels a tour of the city all the less popular spots friends with prime property overlooking the river eccentric homes nothing fancy what they lack in space they mak...

Good poem. Sounds like the real stuff. Like the final line, it almost makes them lovable.
In my poem, the character shows a little humanity when he realizes he's probably not the greatest father and the kids are probably better off.

Thanks Rhonda

I loved this character study. I was just a little disappointed in the final stanza.

Thanks Bob, Kenneth, Siva, "Indiana"

Thanks Bob and Kenneth

Yes, good writing. I like it all very much except for the wrapping up at the end. It seems a little too grand. But maybe just me and I just read this so I might change my mind after a few readings.

A Gift Shop In Dubuque, Iowa He dropped dead in the restroom. The last photo of dad he's beside a mannequin wearing a derby. Dad wore derbies for years, and little silk ties more like ascots. He stretched out his neck, a finger lifting the lace to people's noses to smell. He said it was woven from ...

Very good, Frank, the narrative is interesting and surprising. You've gotten really good at these shorter poems.

Great poem Bob, with your usual unique descriptions and images. The knives, the hailstones, the wedding train of bandages, the bleak moor, all such great images for this subject.

Sweet poem. I don't write very many sweet poems. Maybe one or two. It's hard to do and not be sappy. You've done a good job. I do think the final line may be verging on sappy. But what do I know.

I like this remembrance. It has the details of childhood spot on. There are couple of places where I stumbled: She had a disease that made her skin look like old Chinese paper, an origami Koi with discolored scales. I would tighten this. I think the reader knows that origami is paper. I think just "...

he sat close to the bar as close as his steel-toed engineer boots would allow a jean jacket the sleeves cut off patches about "Harleys" and "Satan" sewn all over "R n' C" stitched in big letters above the chest pocket he said it stood for Crude n' Rude and the first letters of his birth name which ...

Thanks Capricorn and meenas

I will comment on some poems this weekend

Actually, this poem feels unfinished to me, so I will be posting a revision soon.