Search found 382 matches
- 23 Dec 2019, 05:29
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Coming Back
- Replies: 16
- Views: 28143
Re: Chicken Soup In Times of Disaster
I love your latest version, Bob, especially Just as trees stripped by a gale cannot hope to gather up their fallen leaves in their arms, to sleeve their limbs again in green, 'to sleeve their limbs in green' is wonderful! I cannot see anything I would change. Eira To be nit-picky, I pray for a mirac...
- 16 Dec 2019, 01:49
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A Manoeuvre
- Replies: 5
- Views: 11720
Re: A Manoeuvre
Bob has given some great suggestions, Meena. This just needs some more tightening.
As for the knees hurting - I know just what you mean! Ouch!
Eira
As for the knees hurting - I know just what you mean! Ouch!
Eira
- 16 Dec 2019, 01:44
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Postcard (new title for Escape from Routine plus revision)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 15014
Re: Escape from Routine
You're using alliteration more and more....but here you capture the sensation of giggling with alliteration and assonance. Is it too much or just delightful? I think it's great we giggle as tiddler’s fins tickle toes Thanks Bob, I sometimes wonder if I go too far with alliteration, but I do love us...
- 16 Dec 2019, 01:41
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Coming Back
- Replies: 16
- Views: 28143
Re: Chicken Soup In Times of Disaster
Your latest revision seems like a different poem on the same theme, Bob and although I like both versions I have to say I fear I have become a stripped dandelion, my best days behind me, all hopes blown. sounds more interesting/original for an opening stanza,than I am overwhelmed by loneliness, as h...
- 07 Dec 2019, 17:29
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Postcard (new title for Escape from Routine plus revision)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 15014
Postcard (new title for Escape from Routine plus revision)
Postcard (revision of title and some tightening up) Postcard Dolphin towels merge with swimwear tumbling to the washer’s rhythm, a plastic bucketful of kelp for grandma’s aches, vibrates. At the grill, the aroma of fish I drift … We explore, zig-zag dunes, sand scratching between toes until treasure...
- 07 Dec 2019, 17:24
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Moon Walk
- Replies: 11
- Views: 21681
Re: The Moon Walk
Great revision, Bob.
It does help to read your poem out aloud - I do try and remember that!
Eira
It does help to read your poem out aloud - I do try and remember that!
Eira
- 07 Dec 2019, 17:21
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Marakuli
- Replies: 6
- Views: 14154
Re: Marakuli
Yes, Bob's suggestions are spot on. A fascinating poem - I really enjoyed!
Eira
Eira
- 04 Dec 2019, 03:58
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Christmas Remembrance (revision 3)
- Replies: 13
- Views: 26146
Re: Christmas Remembrance (revision 2)
Thank you Bob and Judy for your help with this one and thanks Michael for the nomination.
Eira
Eira
- 04 Dec 2019, 03:54
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming December IBPC 2019:
- Replies: 11
- Views: 27166
Re: Upcoming December IBPC 2019:
Eira Needham presentideaseira@hotmail.com My original work, not published elsewhere or representing another forum Christmas Remembrance Warmed by a familiar whiff of Rose Eau-De-Cologne, from the perfume counter, I remember wondering, what shall I buy her? Fingering a shilling in my pocket, I spot t...
- 04 Dec 2019, 03:42
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming December IBPC 2019:
- Replies: 11
- Views: 27166
Re: Upcoming December IBPC 2019:
Thank you Michael, and I accept.
I had come to nom Bob's Beethoven Dying, so glad this has been chosen - also to second Judy's poem.
I had come to nom Bob's Beethoven Dying, so glad this has been chosen - also to second Judy's poem.
- 02 Dec 2019, 04:48
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Christmas Remembrance (revision 3)
- Replies: 13
- Views: 26146
Re: Christmas Remembrance (revision 2)
Thank you for your advice, Judy. I am with you on revision and often do many revisions until I'm satisfied (if ever!) Some of my best poems, I've worked on for months/years. I don't think a cut right back then put some back approach really suits me, I prefer to keep chipping away. I've finished a se...
- 02 Dec 2019, 04:37
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Christmas Remembrance (revision 3)
- Replies: 13
- Views: 26146
Re: Christmas Remembrance revision 1
This is much better! I like how you have folded the mother piece into the bigger cloth here. "unwrap" should probably be "unwrapping"....Judy makes some good points to consider. The last stanza is too telling, and the poem loses its chance for a big impact. Look to redo that stanza, bringing an emo...
- 30 Nov 2019, 19:38
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Christmas Remembrance (revision 3)
- Replies: 13
- Views: 26146
Re: Christmas Remembrance
There’s lots of nice details here, but the present day section seems too long for maximum impact, and the 1958 section could benefit from a stronger emotional ending.... so why not combine the mother theme of the 2nd stanza into the ending of the first poem/section? Just something to think about......
- 30 Nov 2019, 03:50
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Christmas Remembrance (revision 3)
- Replies: 13
- Views: 26146
Christmas Remembrance (revision 3)
I couldn't resist another revision! Christmas Gifts (revision 3) Blown away, by a familiar whiff of Rose Eau-De-Cologne, spritzed at the perfume counter, I remember wondering what to buy her. Fingering the shilling in my pocket, I spy a tiny bottle, with pink bow neck. This gift wrapped like a pass ...
- 30 Nov 2019, 03:23
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Untitled
- Replies: 9
- Views: 21263
Re: Untitled
You have some lovely lines in this, Judy, I quite like Bob's idea of starting with And when he went away she learned to be content with nothing where something had been; It seems more direct to start this way. I love the imagery of these stanzas when the sun rose over everything and wind carried the...
- 30 Nov 2019, 03:12
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Beethoven Dying
- Replies: 12
- Views: 22933
Re: Beethoven Dying
A lovely poem, Bob. I think perhaps some more details could be trimmed back. Perhaps St1 would be more direct if the first line were deleted I held my old friend's trembling hand as he spoke of better times. Also delete 'legend has it' (don't think it's needed) thunder rumbled outside his window two...
- 28 Nov 2019, 03:47
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: odds and endings
- Replies: 7
- Views: 18122
Re: odds and endings
Hi Judy, It's good to meet you. I've not been around either - busy! I hope to be back very soon, hoping to get my brain working again. Like you I spend much time revising/rewriting, but do get a lot of satisfaction doing that. I sometimes feel my writing days are gone too, but then suddenly get insp...
- 31 Oct 2019, 20:51
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming November IBPC 2019:
- Replies: 19
- Views: 40968
Re: Upcoming November IBPC 2019:
I third Bob's 'Red Spider Lilies' (my favourite)
and third Judy's 'Across the River'
I second Siva's 'Big House'
Eira
Sorry I haven't been around, will be back middle to end of November
and third Judy's 'Across the River'
I second Siva's 'Big House'
Eira
Sorry I haven't been around, will be back middle to end of November
- 05 Oct 2019, 00:58
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Mistaken Identity
- Replies: 7
- Views: 15478
Re: Mistaken Identity
I really like that opening stanza...I also like the mix of full and slant rhyme...At times the poem tends too much towards the poetic, as in "autumn's breath"....I would look to change that description, and some of the lines in the 3rd stanza for the same reason. I like the closing, as everyone els...
- 05 Oct 2019, 00:49
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming October IBPC 2019:
- Replies: 17
- Views: 38311
Re: Upcoming October IBPC 2019:
Thanks Kenneth Mistaken Identity I pause to check familiar waves of salt and pepper tucked inside your collar, turned against the biting easterlies' assault. A flurry of magnolia leaves is churned around your wispy frame and I'm enticed to delve into nostalgic reveries: Close-knit; our weekly jaunts...
- 04 Oct 2019, 00:00
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Mistaken Identity
- Replies: 7
- Views: 15478
- 03 Oct 2019, 23:59
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Mistaken Identity
- Replies: 7
- Views: 15478
Re: Mistaken Identity
Thanks Ken, I've been so busy I'd almost forgotten this one.Kenneth2816 wrote: ↑13 Sep 2019, 07:12Eira, this is well rendered with rhyme. Sad poem against the backdrop of autumn.
Eira
- 13 Sep 2019, 02:43
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Mistaken Identity
- Replies: 7
- Views: 15478
Mistaken Identity
Mistaken Identity I pause to check familiar waves of salt and pepper tucked inside your collar, turned against the biting easterlies' assault. A flurry of magnolia leaves is churned around your wispy frame and I'm enticed to delve into nostalgic reveries: Close-knit; our weekly jaunts were fun and s...
- 13 Sep 2019, 02:40
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Let Go
- Replies: 8
- Views: 14564
Re: Let Go
I like the way you have used the violin in this, Bob.
It's always tough losing a pet. I've lost many. They are like family.
Eira
It's always tough losing a pet. I've lost many. They are like family.
Eira
- 13 Sep 2019, 02:37
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: So Many Memories
- Replies: 5
- Views: 11574
Re: So Many Memories
Thanks Bob. I listened to many stories and chose those that touched me most - the last one especially.BobBradshaw wrote: ↑12 Sep 2019, 19:24nice... I like S2 the best... love the verb flipped. Agree with Ken.... good restraint.
Eira