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Tornado A great read, Bob and I love the metaphors. I think it could be trimmed a bit in parts. A few thoughts - My friends’ warnings about her went over my head, .....................perhaps a bit cliche? like the crackling of tornado alerts over radio channels. She stormed in, my heart like a sma...

BobBradshaw wrote: ↑

27 May 2022, 18:34

Ha! Clever.

Made me smile

Kenneth2816 wrote: ↑

05 May 2022, 20:38

Sweet poem. Never seen a letter poem, but I like ot

Thanks Ken, It's not really a letter, but an imagined conversation with a deceased Dad. Glad you liked it.
Eira

Hi Eira, I like the calm tone of this. My only nit... my mind’s askew, emotions frayed. You don't need both descriptions and frayed emotions is common. I like "mind's askew". Thanks Bob, I did wonder about that line. I quite like mind's askew (although I have used it before in another poem) I've re...

Revision 3 Hi Dad, I hope you've settled in at your new place, the welcome mat unrolled by friendly folk. I miss our teatime chats, your fond embrace and even your barrage of knock-knock jokes. Come closer - lift my loneliness awhile, for Mam got worse and had to move today. The Willows Nursing Home...

Well done Billy and Siva - 2 well written pieces

Good theme, Meena, but I agree with Bob about 'midnight oil' and 'beseech'

Look forward to your revision

Eira

I commented on this when it was Bergman. Yes, the ending is very much better. I do prefer the original formatting in stanzas (but that's just me)
Like Bob I love your imagery here

gauze of clouds
glows with the day's
remaining light
surrounded by
a tumor of black clouds
encroaching slowly,

I seem to have arrived late for the vote.
Thank you for the nom Billy, nice of you since I haven't been around much.
I love the 2 poems chosen to go through and now third Michael's the TGIGF reflection - a wonderful piece.

Eira

I think I get 'unwinding minds' but agree it is abstract.

There's much to like here, Billy and you create tremendous atmosphere

Bare branches of a dying
crabapple tree, black, tentacled
by hundreds of water sprouts.

and
a gauze of clouds glows

Eira

Love this one, Bob, especially My arms sleeved in scratches. - so visual. The last stanza You were light as a wren, and releasing you felt as if I might set you aloft —where you would grow smaller and smaller till you too were no longer visible. I presume this refers to releasing the metaphoric wren...

Thanks Frank, Ken & Bob. It's good to have your comments.
Eira

Thanks Frank & Bob - it's good to be back
eira

Breathless At a Distance we amble around Perry Hall Park without your reassuring bumble hum. Grasslands ablaze with daffodils, magnolias explode, their petals confetti the pathways, we stomp to a slush. When roses unfurl, we still walk alone, praying you will be unlocked before sycamore wings spin d...

Although this poem seems ok, I just felt like looking at it again.
Eira

Thanks Ken and Bob Having a difficult time writing. Not sure why I should keep writing. I’ve been losing motivation to write. It doesn’t feel so important any more. And there are so many other voices out there so much better. Don't stop writing Billy, you have a unique voice and I always enjoy your...

Interesting poem - very powerful. Billy's comment 'hearing is the last sense to go' got me thinking. It's probably me, Bob, but I keep reading the last line of this stanza the other way round I gaze through my bedroom window half expecting to see on the lawn a white shadow. 'a white shadow on the la...

I agree with Bob, rejection clings, affecting us for ever.

Love the last stanza

Billy wrote: ↑

27 Apr 2021, 22:00

I like the blinking sun. Agree with Bob’s crit.

Thanks Billy
Eira

This is just lovely. From the opening we know we're in the hands of someone who loves language...My one nit: "Daylight dwindles" isn't necessary. So great to have you back with us! stellar: maples disrobe bedraggled crimson in the shadows of a feeble sun. I love this observation... craving carbohyd...

Kenneth2816 wrote: ↑

26 Apr 2021, 09:12

I've read about this.. I know people who are depressed in winter from lack of sunlight, they say.

You chose a nice way to write about it.
Good to read you again.

Thanks Ken, I seem to write about this syndrome every year. Good to be back.

Circadian Disruption Maples disrobe bedraggled crimson in the shadows of a feeble sun. Hedgehogs rest beneath last season’s rumpled throw. I recline on my sofa, craving carbohydrates and sunbeams. Staggering to the window, I draw the drapes across perpetual twilight. Lethargy overwhelms as I slump d...

This held my attention from beginning to end. Well pruned Bob.
Eira

This took me back to childhood, Ken, when my grandmother used to say this prayer with me at bedtime. Your poem has given a new slant to saying any prayer - with eyes shut. Always good to read you. Eira As a child I was taught to pray on knees at bed time through folded hands, head bowed at the table...

Thanks Michael Eira Needham presentideaseira@hotmail.com This is my original, unpublished work, not representing any other forum. Found You Again on Facebook That college disco, the group sang Let’s Dance . A feather-touch on my shoulder and husky whisper ‘Dance with me?’ He was a sandy haired Paul ...