Search found 2691 matches
- 19 Oct 2019, 20:34
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
- Replies: 13
- Views: 24422
Re: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me
Thanks, Michael....like the comment. I am throwing in a much revised, longer version for consideration...let me know
- 19 Oct 2019, 07:01
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: fugitive
- Replies: 9
- Views: 18476
Re: fugitive
Nice one... good title
- 18 Oct 2019, 20:37
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: You Can't Rid a Room of an Elephant
- Replies: 8
- Views: 17577
You Can't Rid a Room of an Elephant
You Can't Rid a Room of an Elephant by asking her politely to leave anymore than you can tiptoe around the subject of addiction forever. For now we talk of stocks, grandchildren, the cost of socks. When the elephant glares at us we grow quiet as a box of stamps, and recollections of my brother going...
- 18 Oct 2019, 20:30
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Congrats Ken!!!!
- Replies: 1
- Views: 8734
Congrats Ken!!!!
Congrats, Ken, for your brilliant poem "Houses" winning the September 2019 IBPC competition.....!!!!!!!!!!
- 18 Oct 2019, 07:12
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Letter
- Replies: 7
- Views: 14879
Re: The Letter
Terrific poem... very believable with a strong ending
- 18 Oct 2019, 01:47
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Crossing Into South Carolina
- Replies: 8
- Views: 17516
Re: Crossing Into South Carolina
A good, solid poem... the last line makes it zing
- 18 Oct 2019, 01:46
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Neighbor
- Replies: 10
- Views: 18394
Re: The Neighbor
The new lines make the poem livelier and more fun.
- 16 Oct 2019, 21:21
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Wild Ponies
- Replies: 10
- Views: 17765
Re: Wild Ponies
Those last six lines are gorgeous.....but like my Emily poem you're overdoing the horse imagery a bit...2 suggestions: take out muzzle(maybe replace it with 'heaving mouth') and replace withers with 'swimmer's back'....otherwise, what beautiful writing throughout!
- 16 Oct 2019, 06:36
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Neighbor
- Replies: 10
- Views: 18394
Re: The Neighbor
This is good. It works all the way through. For more impact I would like some images in the next to last stanza to put us in her shoes, in the moment. Maybe an adjective or image about the cats, for example. The psych ward offers an opportunity as well but don't overdo it.
- 16 Oct 2019, 06:31
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Beethoven's Dark Moods
- Replies: 7
- Views: 14809
Re: Beethoven's Dark Moods
Thanks, Judy...I like the first suggestion.
- 15 Oct 2019, 09:16
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
- Replies: 13
- Views: 24422
Re: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me
Judy, I like what you have proposed...condensing the imagery....I can see now that the opening 4 lines aren't needed....and the moving, changing directions, etc. is too much. It's good to see one's poem through different eyes....I'm sure I will go with your revisions...I just want them to marinate f...
- 14 Oct 2019, 08:41
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted
- Replies: 15
- Views: 85722
Re: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted
Personally, I am looking for anything to improve my poem. I consider such constructive criticism a gift.
- 11 Oct 2019, 21:02
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
- Replies: 13
- Views: 24422
Re: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me
I have shortened this poem...let me know if it works better
- 11 Oct 2019, 20:45
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Big House at Mambalam
- Replies: 5
- Views: 11060
Re: The Big House at Mambalam
Lovely poem....all the way through. The details immerse me in the setting... love these lines especially....but they're all good cattle with newly-painted horns in vibrant colours wearing huge Hare Krishna beads and mock-silver anklets were made to circumambulate the wood-fired brick stove freshly-h...
- 11 Oct 2019, 20:42
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Up on the Zambesi Copper Belt Escarpment
- Replies: 4
- Views: 11392
Re: CopperBelt Escarpment
I like these lines best:
Avocados drop and fruit bats flop, wood smoke
wafts to me in the blue night, charcoal fires
pepper the darkness, prickles of light
Avocados drop and fruit bats flop, wood smoke
wafts to me in the blue night, charcoal fires
pepper the darkness, prickles of light
- 11 Oct 2019, 07:20
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
- Replies: 13
- Views: 24422
Re: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me
Thx for your suggestions m, Ken. I like them, and will incorporate them. bob
- 10 Oct 2019, 20:34
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
- Replies: 13
- Views: 24422
Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
V5: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me I. Emily, isn't my love as obvious as an open field? So I ask again, Why delay getting married? I fear if we wait I will lose you. Coming over today, I saw wild mares in the hills, moving in unison, turning their shy faces away from me. They reminded me of you. Emily, I...
- 09 Oct 2019, 20:04
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Known As Chettys
- Replies: 9
- Views: 18350
Re: Known As Chettys
This is terrific! I love the details, as in hundred of men, a score of teen aged boys hair closely shaven. ash smeared on the forehead, arms and body, the three lines symbolizes Saivisim Cooks, barbers, dhobis , carry the luggage in iron trunks. The men roll a fair amount of cash in a cloth,tie it a...
- 07 Oct 2019, 00:34
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Known As Chettys
- Replies: 9
- Views: 18350
Re: Known As Chettys
Your best poems have good imagery...This one could be improved with some images and details... as an exercise, try writing each stanza around an image. Just a workshop suggestion....
- 06 Oct 2019, 06:03
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: New Year’s Eve
- Replies: 5
- Views: 12501
Re: New Year’s Eve
Gorgeous poem, Billy....love the parrot image, everything actually, including that fab ending...no crits
- 05 Oct 2019, 03:25
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Beethoven's Dark Moods
- Replies: 7
- Views: 14809
Re: Beethoven's Dark Moods
Thanks, Ken... your endorsement means a lot
- 04 Oct 2019, 09:51
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted
- Replies: 15
- Views: 85722
Re: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted
Judy makes a good point.
- 04 Oct 2019, 09:49
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Mistaken Identity
- Replies: 7
- Views: 15490
Re: Mistaken Identity
I really like that opening stanza...I also like the mix of full and slant rhyme...At times the poem tends too much towards the poetic, as in "autumn's breath"....I would look to change that description, and some of the lines in the 3rd stanza for the same reason. I like the closing, as everyone else...
- 03 Oct 2019, 20:25
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Beethoven's Dark Moods
- Replies: 7
- Views: 14809
Beethoven's Dark Moods
Beethoven's Dark Moods Why does the maestro offend you? Because he ignores you? Nearly deaf, he is like someone trying to pick out the cries of a distant swimmer. His rudeness also stems from illness: colic, rheumatism, dropsy, and a stomach always in upheaval. Shall I go on? We forgive the crankine...
- 02 Oct 2019, 23:02
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming October IBPC 2019:
- Replies: 17
- Views: 38344
Re: Upcoming October IBPC 2019:
I accept. Thanks, Michael and Kenneth