New York Pitch Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, Poetry

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 Post subject: The Chickens Around
PostPosted: 16 May 2017, 07:35 
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Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27
Posts: 333
´╗┐Shaded in pink, red, green and yellow
the chickens wander around the garden
a real-time recreation.

They dig through the soil, feed on the worms
drive the squirrels, cackle and chuckle
enlivening the household.

The pink and the red die early.
The duo, green and yellow has shed the paint
Look imposing in white.

They walk past like rowdies. Whistle boisterously.
Swoop low and attack the maid. Nudge the cook while he sleeps.
Skip and dance with the gardener.

A hound devours the robust chicken.
The loner strides around with freedom.
He is the uncrowned prince.

Shortlived is his liberty. He lies in the cage
exhausted..Weak to rise, he slips.
He succumbs to an unknown ailment.

All too sudden is his departure.

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 Post subject: Re: The Chickens Around
PostPosted: 17 May 2017, 09:47 
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Posts: 279
I really like the strong, action verbs in this poem. I like the use of colors as well. To get more emotion into the poem, you may want to get the narrator personally involved from the poem's beginning. That could give the final death a more personal impact...


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 Post subject: Re: The Chickens Around
PostPosted: 18 May 2017, 06:40 
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Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27
Posts: 333
That is a strong point, Bob.
I will modify the poem accordingly.

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