Misery of Short Trousers in Winter

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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Misery of Short Trousers in Winter

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 20 Sep 2017, 16:36

Seepages in the cold of winter
chapped thighs
from an unconscious drip

We walk to school in the rain
Miss Jones is pretty
she makes us change
by the radiators
we are not willing the girls
should see our legs

She issues platitudes
fusses round us boys
her breasts move beneath her blouse
Nothing stirs inside our trousers
that embarrassment
yet to come

Our parents love us yet sleep
in the warm bedroom
heated from the copper
behind the chimney below
in a blazing coal fire

The children's room collects our breath
stores on Jack Frost windows
the patterns so beautiful before fading
in the morning light

China pots placed in our beds
filled with boiled water
chase the cold away

Atlantic gales howl fury
whistle through
and shake the rafters
trundle around
the roof spaces

Miss Jones smells
of buttermilk soap
her teeth shine sweetly
her hands are milky white

and exceedingly sleight
I would willingly hold
her cool hands
in mine. I would be proud
I would, I would.

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter

#2 Post by Bernie01 » 20 Sep 2017, 18:24

Frank---

double Palm d'Or.

just terrific.


back tomorrow when home.



bernie


ah, could this be ms. Jones?



https://images.search.yahoo.com/yhs/sea ... tion=click





and a short poem of the artist:


Today
The breaking waves
Look like
Ruffled-edge petunia leaves


Florine Stettheimer
...

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 20 Sep 2017, 18:46

:)

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter

#4 Post by meenas17 » 20 Sep 2017, 19:36

The short pants set the tone of the poem.

The cold is explained with an illustration,
legs chap from an unconscious drip.

The shyness finds its place.
The description of Miss Jones talks about the age of the boys.
The copper boiler, the chimney and the blazing coal tell us it happened years back.
The cold was chased by placing china pots filled with hot water.
The noise created by the Atlantic gales is really felt.
As an highlight the smell of Miss Jones brings in humour.
The innocence of the child to hold her cool hands is a loving act.
A lovely read, Frank. Simple and beautiful!
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Sep 2017, 22:08

The ending is great! I love these lines...your poetry is rocking these days

nothing stirs beneath our trousers
that embarrassment
yet to come

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter

#6 Post by Kenneth2816 » 21 Sep 2017, 02:53

One of the most difficult things in writing a narrative poem is cultivating an authentic voice.

The short, simple child like lines are, to me,
exactly how a prepubescent kid would speak. Nice work

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter

#7 Post by Bernie01 » 21 Sep 2017, 03:44

Frank---

your poem illustrates about one dozen of the dozen ideas expressed in this Forum about poetry writing:

clarity, dramatic flow detail and a thoughtful core.

to mention a few.

this sequence i especially liked:

the chldren's room collects our breath
and stores on Jack Frost windows
its patterns beautiful before fading
in the morning light

china pots placed in our beds
filled with boiled water
chases the cold away

Atlantic gales howl fury
whistle through
and shake the rafters
trundle around
the roof spaces


i especially admire the movement, the reader never bored or asked to consider an issue into the poetic grave,

the ending---it would be easy to get in the poem's way---to over sell, but the poem's inner logic, imagery and sensibility emerge more strongly rising as the actors move off stage.

who can resist this transformed experience now woven artfully into a poem?


not me, to be sure, i thing most zine editors will feel the same way.



bernie

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter

#8 Post by FranktheFrank » 21 Sep 2017, 10:08

B.
Miss Jones was young
she wore a white linen blouse

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Misery of Short Trousers in Winter

#9 Post by BobBradshaw » 21 Sep 2017, 20:09

Definitely a strong nod for a nom...would you rather send it out or have it nominated?

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Misery of Short Trousers in Winter

#10 Post by FranktheFrank » 21 Sep 2017, 20:23

I prefer the IBPC Bob, thank you

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