Misery of Short Trousers in Winter
-
- Posts: 1983
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Misery of Short Trousers in Winter
Seepages in the cold of winter
chapped thighs
from an unconscious drip
We walk to school in the rain
Miss Jones is pretty
she makes us change
by the radiators
we are not willing the girls
should see our legs
She issues platitudes
fusses round us boys
her breasts move beneath her blouse
Nothing stirs inside our trousers
that embarrassment
yet to come
Our parents love us yet sleep
in the warm bedroom
heated from the copper
behind the chimney below
in a blazing coal fire
The children's room collects our breath
stores on Jack Frost windows
the patterns so beautiful before fading
in the morning light
China pots placed in our beds
filled with boiled water
chase the cold away
Atlantic gales howl fury
whistle through
and shake the rafters
trundle around
the roof spaces
Miss Jones smells
of buttermilk soap
her teeth shine sweetly
her hands are milky white
and exceedingly sleight
I would willingly hold
her cool hands
in mine. I would be proud
I would, I would.
chapped thighs
from an unconscious drip
We walk to school in the rain
Miss Jones is pretty
she makes us change
by the radiators
we are not willing the girls
should see our legs
She issues platitudes
fusses round us boys
her breasts move beneath her blouse
Nothing stirs inside our trousers
that embarrassment
yet to come
Our parents love us yet sleep
in the warm bedroom
heated from the copper
behind the chimney below
in a blazing coal fire
The children's room collects our breath
stores on Jack Frost windows
the patterns so beautiful before fading
in the morning light
China pots placed in our beds
filled with boiled water
chase the cold away
Atlantic gales howl fury
whistle through
and shake the rafters
trundle around
the roof spaces
Miss Jones smells
of buttermilk soap
her teeth shine sweetly
her hands are milky white
and exceedingly sleight
I would willingly hold
her cool hands
in mine. I would be proud
I would, I would.
Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter
Frank---
double Palm d'Or.
just terrific.
back tomorrow when home.
bernie
ah, could this be ms. Jones?
https://images.search.yahoo.com/yhs/sea ... tion=click
and a short poem of the artist:
Today
The breaking waves
Look like
Ruffled-edge petunia leaves
Florine Stettheimer
...
double Palm d'Or.
just terrific.
back tomorrow when home.
bernie
ah, could this be ms. Jones?
https://images.search.yahoo.com/yhs/sea ... tion=click
and a short poem of the artist:
Today
The breaking waves
Look like
Ruffled-edge petunia leaves
Florine Stettheimer
...
-
- Posts: 1983
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter
The short pants set the tone of the poem.
The cold is explained with an illustration,
legs chap from an unconscious drip.
The shyness finds its place.
The description of Miss Jones talks about the age of the boys.
The copper boiler, the chimney and the blazing coal tell us it happened years back.
The cold was chased by placing china pots filled with hot water.
The noise created by the Atlantic gales is really felt.
As an highlight the smell of Miss Jones brings in humour.
The innocence of the child to hold her cool hands is a loving act.
A lovely read, Frank. Simple and beautiful!
The cold is explained with an illustration,
legs chap from an unconscious drip.
The shyness finds its place.
The description of Miss Jones talks about the age of the boys.
The copper boiler, the chimney and the blazing coal tell us it happened years back.
The cold was chased by placing china pots filled with hot water.
The noise created by the Atlantic gales is really felt.
As an highlight the smell of Miss Jones brings in humour.
The innocence of the child to hold her cool hands is a loving act.
A lovely read, Frank. Simple and beautiful!
meenas17
-
- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter
The ending is great! I love these lines...your poetry is rocking these days
nothing stirs beneath our trousers
that embarrassment
yet to come
nothing stirs beneath our trousers
that embarrassment
yet to come
-
- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter
One of the most difficult things in writing a narrative poem is cultivating an authentic voice.
The short, simple child like lines are, to me,
exactly how a prepubescent kid would speak. Nice work
The short, simple child like lines are, to me,
exactly how a prepubescent kid would speak. Nice work
Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter
Frank---
your poem illustrates about one dozen of the dozen ideas expressed in this Forum about poetry writing:
clarity, dramatic flow detail and a thoughtful core.
to mention a few.
this sequence i especially liked:
the chldren's room collects our breath
and stores on Jack Frost windows
its patterns beautiful before fading
in the morning light
china pots placed in our beds
filled with boiled water
chases the cold away
Atlantic gales howl fury
whistle through
and shake the rafters
trundle around
the roof spaces
i especially admire the movement, the reader never bored or asked to consider an issue into the poetic grave,
the ending---it would be easy to get in the poem's way---to over sell, but the poem's inner logic, imagery and sensibility emerge more strongly rising as the actors move off stage.
who can resist this transformed experience now woven artfully into a poem?
not me, to be sure, i thing most zine editors will feel the same way.
bernie
your poem illustrates about one dozen of the dozen ideas expressed in this Forum about poetry writing:
clarity, dramatic flow detail and a thoughtful core.
to mention a few.
this sequence i especially liked:
the chldren's room collects our breath
and stores on Jack Frost windows
its patterns beautiful before fading
in the morning light
china pots placed in our beds
filled with boiled water
chases the cold away
Atlantic gales howl fury
whistle through
and shake the rafters
trundle around
the roof spaces
i especially admire the movement, the reader never bored or asked to consider an issue into the poetic grave,
the ending---it would be easy to get in the poem's way---to over sell, but the poem's inner logic, imagery and sensibility emerge more strongly rising as the actors move off stage.
who can resist this transformed experience now woven artfully into a poem?
not me, to be sure, i thing most zine editors will feel the same way.
bernie
-
- Posts: 1983
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: The Misery of Short Pants in Winter
B.
Miss Jones was young
she wore a white linen blouse
Miss Jones was young
she wore a white linen blouse
-
- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Misery of Short Trousers in Winter
Definitely a strong nod for a nom...would you rather send it out or have it nominated?
-
- Posts: 1983
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Misery of Short Trousers in Winter
I prefer the IBPC Bob, thank you