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 Post subject: Reverie
PostPosted: 12 Nov 2017, 03:53 
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Joined: 19 Sep 2017, 09:10
Posts: 72
Location: Argentina
Reverie

I exist as dubious matter:
perhaps bacteria in the guts of a volcano,
Bacillus infernus generating sulphur and iron.
Or else, unknown to scientific paradigms,
I’m a stubborn microbe colonizing
under-bellies of continental ice caps.
Last night I dreamed that I scurried
through oil-ducts dented by rust,
and again, that I fed on copper
in cables crisscrossing urban skies.

I’m infinitely small,
spied under the microscope
of an obscure apprentice,
conjectured in biochemical formulas.
An elusive thing,
a wiggle in viscera of throbbing bodies,
suspected, not proven.

No poem evokes me,
no passion exalts me,
no melodies sing in my ears.
Perhaps I exist in bondage to the wind,
on dunes of distant deserts;
or in breezes, tracing patterns under cold moons,
reverting to flatness and silence.

I’m neither a memory of past spirits,
nor illusion, nor fantasy of a living soul.
I’m not a specter in your looking-glass.
Time refuses to multiply me
in infinite Borgesean mirrors.
I can’t duplicate myself.

I’m probably
just a chink in the mirror.

Bariloche, Argentina, 2017.


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 Post subject: Re: Reverie
PostPosted: 13 Nov 2017, 16:01 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 370
Looks like everyone is occupied elsewhere Gracy
The last three stanzas of this cone together really well.

I think there's a lot in the poem, and i find the comparisons well done, but a bit overdone.

The connection between the first of the poem and the last three stanzas is difficult (for me) to make


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 Post subject: Re: Reverie
PostPosted: 13 Nov 2017, 23:51 
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Joined: 19 Sep 2017, 09:10
Posts: 72
Location: Argentina
Thank you, Kenneth.
Yes, it's a bit complicated to connect the issues. I had in mind humanity as a whole. Using the 1st. person can be both a particular situation, as well as a universal concept.
The idea is to show the smallness of human beings' importance in the grand scheme of things.
But maybe that's too big an issue to convey in poetry. I'll mull over it and perhaps withdraw my poem if I come to the conclusion that it's too grandiloquent a theme for me... a chink in the mirror...LOL.
Best, Gracy


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 Post subject: Re: Reverie
PostPosted: 14 Nov 2017, 05:08 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 370
Gracy I would never withdraw a poem on the basis of one critique. It's your poem.


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 Post subject: Re: Reverie
PostPosted: 14 Nov 2017, 22:35 
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Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14
Posts: 418
G---


splendid poem, thoughtful and original.

I exist as dubious matter:
perhaps bacteria in the guts of a volcano,
Bacillus infernus generating sulphur and iron.
Or else, unknown to scientific paradigms,
I’m a stubborn microbe colonizing
under-bellies of continental ice caps.
Last night I dreamed that I scurried
through oil-ducts dented by rust,
and again, that I fed on copper
in cables crisscrossing urban skies.



great lines building and maintaining a theme.


the poem does not become monotonous as it shrinks mere humans, wonderful lines like this keep my attention fresh and alert:

I exist in bondage to the wind,
on dunes of distant deserts;
or in breezes, tracing patterns under cold moons,


maybe i break there, resume here:

I’m (REMOVE THE WORD "NOT") a specter in your looking-glass.

I’m probably
just a chink in the mirror.




maybe a new final line, not just the humility of being "small," but a true self label that is both sensitive and personal.

great job.

bernie



From "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot:

"For I have known them all already, known them all:

Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons;

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."



From "The Wasteland" by T.S. Eliot:

"These fragments I have shored

Against my ruins."


From "Funeral Blues" by W.H. Auden:

"He was my North, my South , my East and my West

My working week and my Sunday rest

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong."





From a review:

Chapter II

Anticipating not only modern scientific theories of psychology but also those of cosmology, this astonishing book sets out a impressive goal for itself: to reconcile human biology with a theory of consciousness. First published in France in 1907, and translated into English in 1911, this work of wonder was esteemed at the time in scientific circles and in the popular culture alike for its profound explorations of perception and memory and its surprising conclusions about the nature and value of art. Contending that intuition is deeper than intellect and that the real consequence of evolution is a mental freedom to grow, to change, to seek and create novelty, Bergson reinvigorated the theory of evolution by refusing to see it as merely mechanistic. His expansion on Darwin remains one of the most original and important philosophical arguments for a scientific inquiry still under fire today.

French philosopher HENRI BERGSON (1859-1941) was born in Paris. Among his works are Matter and Memory (1896), An Introduction to Metaphysics (1903), and The Two Sources of Morality and Religion (1932). He was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1927.


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 Post subject: Re: Reverie
PostPosted: 15 Nov 2017, 10:10 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 370
See? Its perfectly clear to Bernie.


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 Post subject: Re: Reverie
PostPosted: 16 Nov 2017, 03:45 
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Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23
Posts: 56
Gracy, I am so glad you didn't remove this. It is highly original and well thought out. Kenneth is right, you should never remove after just one reply (or even a lot more, in my opinion)

One place made me wonder

perhaps bacteria in the guts of a volcano,
Bacillus infernus generating sulphur and iron.

I like the use of Latin in poetry (have used it myself sometimes) but I wonder if 'bacillus inferno' is just a repetition of the previous line?

As I say, this is very original writing and different from your Patagonian poems (which I love too)

Great work
Eira


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