The First Time I Drank With My Father

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 732
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

The First Time I Drank With My Father

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 08 Jun 2018, 00:00

Nurses wash you with long hair
trailing over ribs and rigging,
faint blue outline
of a Spanish tri-master
on custard colored skin.

In the Liberation of '44
you sailed the Champs Ellysees
with the swagger of conquest.

Women jostled to be first
to touch your face,
kiss your hand,
litter your path with flowers.

Now you've pissed yourself again.

I give my name to the night clerk,
fresh bed clothes to orderlies.

I side-step through piles
of soiled linen.

The fetid air masks
two shots and a beer
it takes just to be the last
of your sons to come.

I have the combat boots
You bought me as a kid,
black as a German night.
I place them under your bed
and know I'll never come again.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 891
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: I Never Drank With My Father

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 08 Jun 2018, 09:19

I like this a lot, especially the last 2 stanzas. A moving, tough poem

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 888
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: I Never Drank With My Father

#3 Post by SivaRamanathan » 08 Jun 2018, 18:19

Nurses wash you
with long hair trailing over ribs
and rigging,faint blue outline
of a Spanish tri-master
on custard colored skin.

The whole poem is very nicely brought out with apt words.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 732
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: I Never Drank With My Father

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 11 Jun 2018, 14:52

Bob, Siva thank you

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EricRomm
Posts: 12
Joined: 08 Aug 2016, 18:19
Location: California

Re: I Never Drank With My Father

#5 Post by EricRomm » 14 Jun 2018, 10:54

Beautifully written!

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1263
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: I Never Drank With My Father

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 14 Jun 2018, 14:12

Nurses wash your long hair,
it trails over ribs, rigging
a faint blue outline,
a Spanish tri-master,
custard colored skin.

In the Liberation of '44
you sailed the Champs Ellysees
with the swagger of conquest.

Women jostled to
to touch your face,
kiss your hand,
your path littered with flowers,
not all they had to offer,
but nearly.

You've pissed yourself again.

Ken, a suggestion above to shorten
a tad, your choice. You tend like me
to wordiness on first draft.
Enjoyed.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 732
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: I Never Drank With My Father

#7 Post by Kenneth2816 » 14 Jun 2018, 15:40

Eric. Frank. Thank you

Kenneth2816
Posts: 732
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The First Time I Drank With My Father

#8 Post by Kenneth2816 » 14 Jun 2018, 15:44

Shortened

Bernie01
Posts: 780
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: The First Time I Drank With My Father

#9 Post by Bernie01 » 14 Jun 2018, 19:13

Kenneth:

This poem never forgets to introduce plot.

the idea, in the title and last verse, that a tension exists between son and father---the reasons are not given, good. not needed.

the poem is almost savage in its building and compilation of facts, history and mood.

a great triumph here, a memorable poem, both vivid and incisive.



bernie

Kenneth2816
Posts: 732
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The First Time I Drank With My Father

#10 Post by Kenneth2816 » 15 Jun 2018, 02:38

Thank you Bernie. I am in your debt for this poem.

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