I Learnt A Language

[SivaRamanathan]

edited

I daubed my face with Ponds
pushed my German specs up the nose
dusted my plain skirt and tops,
and ventured into the world
with a few words.

‘Drumstick, lady's finger,
all that's water under the bridge;
don't try to pull my legs.’

Now I gawk at youngsters
they ‘chill out, or cool it.’
‘Freeze’ is another such ' in ' word;
though I rev in their lines
overpowered by a kick start
I falter waiting to hear
fresh young- blood voices;

I could help untangle the confusion
of their thoughts, but I am cautious
of making a faux- pas.





Mostly fending for myself
I daubed my face with Ponds
nudged a German pair up my nose
dusted my plain skirt and tops, and
ventured into the world
with a few words.
Drumstick, lady's finger,
all that's water under the bridge;
don't try to pull my legs.


Now I gawk at youngsters
they ‘chill out, or cool it.’
‘Freeze’ is another such' in ' word;
though I revve in their lines
overpowered by a kick start
I falter waiting to hear
fresh young- blood voices;

I could help untangle the confusion
of their thoughts, but I am cautious
of making a faux- pas.

[Michael (MV)]

Siva,

upon a 1st read: Language as an indicator of the generation gap.

I like the closing, esp "of making a faux-pas": however, I don't feel the right word is "scared"

I could help untangle the confusion
of their thoughts, but I am cautious
of making a faux-pas.


I could help untangle the confusion
of their thoughts, but I hesitate,
cautious of making a faux-pas.


I could help untangle the confusion
of their thoughts, but I hesitate,
to prevent a possible faux-pas.


^^ precaution/prevention




Michael (MV)

[SivaRamanathan]

MV

Thanks Michael. I shall edit it tomorrow.

S

[Billy]

Siva, I think you are playing with the language witin the poem itself, correct? Or are words like "revve" a mistake? I would eliminate the first line of the poem. A generational poem.

[SivaRamanathan]

Billy

Which is the first line?

S

[SivaRamanathan]

Billy
Is "revve" something to do with a mo-bike?
S

[SivaRamanathan]

Billy
Is "revve" something to do with a mo-bike?
S

[Michael (MV)]

Hi Siva,

by "revve" maybe you are referring to "rev" as in "rev up" - short for "revolution,"
and meaning "to accelerate sharply the speed of an engine."


Here I think quotation marks are called for:

Now I gawk at youngsters
they "chill out, or cool it."
"Freeze" is another such "in" word;


in the spirit of workshopping



Michael (MV)

[SivaRamanathan]

M.V
Thanks.
Billy
Mostly fending for myself
I daubed my face with Ponds
I was not confident, so I daubed myself with powder,and pushed my spectacles up my nose.
This line is not necessary?
Mostly fending for myself
S

[Billy]

Siva, my suggestion is to eliminate "mostly fending for myself"

[Michael (MV)]

Hi Siva,


to avoid "up my nose"

pushed my German specs up on my nose.




Michael (MV)

 
 
 

[Billy]

Yeah, I thought German pair was a pair of scissors, but that's because I'm getting old and have to cut my nose hairs. LOL

[Michael (MV)]

Hi Siva,


With today's reading & workshopping, I'm hearing "semantics" - and that might make for a title.

"semantics"   or   "syntax & semantics"


I daubed my face with Ponds
pushed German specs up on my nose
dusted my plain skirt and tops,
and ventured into the world
with a few words:

Drumstick, ladyfinger,
all that's water under the bridge;
don't try to pull my legs.

Now I gawk at youngsters
they chill out, or cool it.
Freeze is another such in word.
Though I rev in their lines
overpowered by a kick start
I falter waiting to hear
young-blood voices.

I could help untangle the confusion
of their thoughts, but I practice caution
to avoid making a faux-pas.


^^ "practice caution" is an older generation/formal phrase.





Michael (MV)

 

 

 

edited

I daubed my face with Ponds
pushed my German specs up the nose
dusted my plain skirt and tops,
and ventured into the world
with a few words.

‘Drumstick, lady's finger,
all that's water under the bridge;
don't try to pull my legs.’

Now I gawk at youngsters
they ‘chill out, or cool it.’
‘Freeze’ is another such ' in ' word;
though I rev in their lines
overpowered by a kick start
I falter waiting to hear
fresh young- blood voices;

I could help untangle the confusion
of their thoughts, but I am cautious
of making a faux- pas.







Mostly fending for myself
I daubed my face with Ponds
nudged a German pair up my nose
dusted my plain skirt and tops, and
ventured into the world
with a few words.
Drumstick, lady's finger,
all that's water under the bridge;
don't try to pull my legs.


Now I gawk at youngsters
they ‘chill out, or cool it.’
‘Freeze’ is another such' in ' word;
though I revve in their lines
overpowered by a kick start
I falter waiting to hear
fresh young- blood voices;

I could help untangle the confusion
of their thoughts, but I am cautious
of making a faux- pas.

[SivaRamanathan]

Hi Michael
Thank you for workshop-ping. I visit this block at least three times daily.I do not comment on all the poems because I don't get some of them due to cultural differences. But I read all the poems several times.

S