A Private Life
For fun and fully clothed
she throws herself like a suicide
into the sea, a foaming surf
slaps her chest, knocks against her hips.
In the dining room she moves table
to table greeting strangers;
avian beauty, silver lip gloss,
long fold of brunette hair
over one shoulder.
She gathers a small crowd, tells
several stories then tunes a radio,
shimmies for the crowd smiling
at me and a dozen others.
Her violet eyes lapse
and close.
midday.
A light spray of champagne
on the lips; clearly
she is drinking again.
A Private Life
-
- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: A Private Life
Hi bernie,
I assume that's bernie as in Mojave, yes
Did you intend "surf":
into the sea, a foaming surf slaps
"Irresistible and luminous."
^^ show not tell - maybe "avian beauty" is enough
workshop suggesting the last 2 stanzas as:
Her violet eyes lapse
and close
--midday
A light spray of champagne
on the lips; clearly
she is drinking again.
bernie, Thanks for posting a poem,
and for sharing your workshop comments.
Michael (MV)
-
- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: A Private Life
Bernie
Thanks for posting here.
I recommend this poem for the August IBPC.
S
Thanks for posting here.
I recommend this poem for the August IBPC.
S
Re: A Private Life
M---
yes it's me, Bernie....alias Mojave.
adopted your edit, great stuff. thanks so much.
bernie
yes it's me, Bernie....alias Mojave.
adopted your edit, great stuff. thanks so much.
bernie