A Private Life

[Bernie01]

A Private Life


For fun and fully clothed
she throws herself like a suicide
into the sea, a foaming surf
slaps her chest, knocks against her hips.

In the dining room she moves table
to table greeting strangers;

avian beauty, silver lip gloss,
long fold of brunette hair
over one shoulder.

She gathers a small crowd, tells
several stories then tunes a radio,
shimmies for the crowd smiling
at me and a dozen others.

Her violet eyes lapse
and close.
midday.

A light spray of champagne
on the lips; clearly
she is drinking again.

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi bernie,

I assume that's bernie as in Mojave, yes


Did you intend "surf":

into the sea, a foaming surf slaps


"Irresistible and luminous."

^^ show not tell - maybe "avian beauty" is enough


workshop suggesting the last 2 stanzas as:

Her violet eyes lapse
and close
--midday

A light spray of champagne
on the lips; clearly
she is drinking again.



bernie, Thanks for posting a poem,

and for sharing your workshop comments.




Michael (MV)

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 

[SivaRamanathan]

Bernie

Thanks for posting here.
I recommend this poem for the August IBPC.

S

[Bernie01]

M---

yes it's me, Bernie....alias Mojave.

adopted your edit, great stuff. thanks so much.


bernie