Thanks, Siva, I had it like this in the beginnig, should have left it alone. These poems I've been writing lately are just priming the pump. They're not fully developed poems, not very good. I've had a hard time writing for the last couple of weeks, that's why I stopped the 30/30 over at the Waters.
wild yellow daisies
daydream in passing clouds
sway in the breeze
children swing
lean back into innocence
thrust their toes
into the sky
dreaming
they reach higher and higher
kick the yellow ball
into summer's net forever and ever
wild yellow daisies(revision)
daydream
in passing clouds
sway in the breeze
children swing
lean back
into innocence
thrust their toes
in the sky
dreaming
they reach
higher and higher
kick the yellow ball
into summer's net
forever and ever
Wild yellow daisies
daydream
in passing clouds
sway
in the breeze.
Children swing
lean back
into innocence
thrust their toes
in the sky.
Dreaming
they reach higher
and higher
kick the yellow ball
into summer's net
forever and ever.
Wild yellow daisies
Re: Wild yellow daisies
Billy:
i like this....would see if the children can be more involved....coats flap open, caps blow sideways...
their voices tangle together....dreams...rise ....
but a very nice feel to this poem...a drowsy, dream like mood.
bernie
i like this....would see if the children can be more involved....coats flap open, caps blow sideways...
their voices tangle together....dreams...rise ....
but a very nice feel to this poem...a drowsy, dream like mood.
bernie
Re: Wild yellow daisies
This a nice and simple poem. Keep it up.
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Wild yellow daisies
Will it work better without the full stops and capitals?
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Wild yellow daisies
wild yellow daisies
daydream
in passing clouds
sway
in the breeze
children swing
lean back
into innocence
thrust their toes
in the sky
dreaming
they reach higher
and higher
kick the yellow ball
into summer's net
forever and ever.
daydream
in passing clouds
sway
in the breeze
children swing
lean back
into innocence
thrust their toes
in the sky
dreaming
they reach higher
and higher
kick the yellow ball
into summer's net
forever and ever.
Re: Wild yellow daisies
B---
I like Siva's suggested version.
bernie
I like Siva's suggested version.
bernie