I leave this at your ear for when you wake

[SivaRamanathan]

Old man, who sleeps on the charpoy
have you heard of the wire thin snake
that tunnels from ear to ear
making an 'u' curve in your jaw
so that the poison just froths at your open mouth?

Not for you the water snake
or that pencil thin hanging snake
with a conical head and a tendril body
tender as a green shoot
dangling above your head;

only the ear tunneling snake is fit for you
you who have split a whole village
with the blood stained family household sickle.

[morkhenderson]

I really like the sound and rhythm of this one, although I don't completely get the subject. But I am intrigued, and love the final image.

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Siva,


a nemesis poem - like in pagan mythology - the punishment is figurative of the crime


workshop illustrated for your perusal & consideration   -- Michael (MV)

Old man, who sleeps on the charpoy
you've heard of the wiry snake
that tunnels from ear to ear
making a 'u' curve in your jaw,
letting the poison froth at your open mouth.

Not for you the harmless as a worm water snake;
or the pencil thin with a conical
head on a tendril, tender as a green
shoot dangling above your head.

Only the ear tunneling snake is fit for you:
you who have split a whole village
with the blood-stained family household sickle.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[SivaRamanathan]

Michael,
Thanks.

for when you wake

Old man, who sleeps on the charpoy
you've heard of the wiry snake
that tunnels from ear to ear
making a 'u' curve in your jaw,
letting the poison froth at your open mouth.

Not for you the harmless as a worm water snake;
or the pencil thin with a conical
head on a tendril, tender as a green
shoot dangling above your head.

Only the ear tunneling snake is fit for you:
you who have split a whole village
with the blood-stained family household sickle.





Siva

[SivaRamanathan]

Michael
I marvel at your workshop suggestions. By just changing two words you have made a lot of difference to the poem. 'Have you heard' to ' You have heard.' Thank you

Siva

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Siva,

re: "Can you please suggest the title also?"

poetic coincidence that you ask that, because I noticed here a wryness in the rhyme of "wake" & "snake"


abbreviate title to "for when you wake"

or the even quicker "when you wake"


in the spirit of creativity



Michael (MV)

Michael,
Thanks.

Old man, who sleeps on the charpoy
you've heard of the wiry snake
that tunnels from ear to ear
making a 'u' curve in your jaw,
letting the poison froth at your open mouth.

Not for you the harmless as a worm water snake;
or the pencil thin with a conical
head on a tendril, tender as a green
shoot dangling above your head.

Only the ear tunneling snake is fit for you:
you who have split a whole village
with the blood-stained family household sickle.

Can you please suggest the title also?
Shall I call it 'Nemesis'?



Siva

 
 
 
 
 
 

[Michael (MV)]

Siva,


If you don't already have a poem committed to represent in this upcoming March IBPC,


then please consider allowing the poem currently titled

I leave this at your ear for when you wake

to represent for the Writer's Block.


If accepting, please provide all needed info & the poem as you would like it forwarded

in the thread @ Palaver: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6228#p26694




Thanks, Siva.



Michael (MV)